#but catch me in the club having a 5 hour discussion with myself over how different aspects of flame represent the three in such drastically

[angstandhappiness]

COOL

Been thinkin lately about how “fire” means very different things to these three

Qi Xiaotian: the Orange of Fire & Spices - Warmth, Familial bonds, Love

Sun Wukong: the Red of Fire & Smoke - Striking heat, Inner Strength, Determination

Liu Er Mihou: the Yellow of Fire & Gold - So hot it feels cold, Retributive Justice, Fear

[writingsfromhome]

Sorry x Rare

A/N: I got two lyric requests for Sorry by Beyonce and Rare by Selena Gomez. They were both sort of two sides of the same coin so I wrote them together it mostly goes from rare to sorry. Thanks for the requests, fingers crossed it lives up to what you wanted! <3

Synopsis: You and Harry have been together for a long time but he’s not the same man you fell in love with anymore.

-----

I move my dinner around on my plate, my gaze on the man pacing outside the restaurant on his phone. My man. But it didn't really feel like that these days. These days, Harry was a stranger to me--late nights, phone calls interrupting dinner, waking up to find him gone and not even sure if he'd come home at all.

I watch him remove the phone from his ear in a rush, stare at it, and then shove it aggressively in his pocket. He walks back in, cheeks pink and huffing.

"Should we ask for the bill?" He sits down in a flurry. I stare at his barely-eaten meal and my own dinner mashed to bits.

"We've barely had dinner."

"Babe, we've been here for over an hour since..." he takes his phone back out to inform me of how much time exactly but something must catch his attention because his sentence dies on his lips. I stare, he was so distant lately. "I'll drop you off at home, I've got to meet the boys they decided to talk business-"

"It's 8pm on a Thursday," I state the obvious. "Can't you catch up with them la-"

"This isn't an argument Y/N," Harry finally looks at me. He was done discussing it. He lifts his hands to the waiter and a minute later dinner's been paid for. He wasn't my baby, I think as we stroll outside to his car. I don't know who this man was.

***

I wake up the next morning with the weight of Harry on the other side of the bed. I could smell him, the booze sitting in his pores.

“Ugh,” I groan, not wanting to smell that first thing in the morning. I get up and start my day before I head to work. Soon, Harry appears squinting as I stir sugar into my coffee.

“I need a coffee,” he says, his voice hoarse. It used to sound sexy but now it was just another reminder that things changed. We lived like roommates and it hurt that he never wanted to talk. Half the time, he acted like I wasn’t even there.

I watch him settle with his coffee, taking the first sip and letting out a deep breath. A memory comes to me suddenly, the first year we were dating,

“I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had,” it was the first night Harry had stayed the whole night and I’d made him coffee in my outdated coffee maker. It came out burnt half the time but that morning’s cup was decent. We’re swaddled in my blankets--the room I rented back then had poor circulation in the winter.

“I think you’re still slightly drunk,” I lean my shoulder against his and cup the warm drink. “I’ve definitely had better coffees.”

“Maybe coffees are just better the morning after,” he says, glancing at me and I know he can see the flush on my cheeks. He knew I was shy talking about certain things in the light of day.

“We can say that,” I mumble into the cup. “It’s just nice to have a heat source.”

“Here,” he takes the cup from me and reaches over to put both on the nightstand.

“Hey I wasn’t done with that.”

“I know but if you’re cold, I know this other heat source--it even works for hypothermia.”

His statement causes a blood rush that warms me already but I don’t say no to what he has in mind. I could make us another cup later.

Harry catches me staring when he looks over and raises an eyebrow. I snap out of my thoughts and twist my lips into a smile, looking back at my own drink bitterly. Who was this man in front of me? Out loud, I ask: “How was your night? You came in late.”

“I was out with the boys.” he says in a tone that meant he didn’t want to talk about it. “It got late.”

“A text would’ve been nice,” I say, still looking at my cup.

“S’not like you were waiting up,” he turns to walk back towards the bedroom.

“Learned not to,” I mumble but I know he’s heard me with the way he pauses. But he didn’t care enough to argue, dispute it, nothing. He leaves.

***

"Guess who just made a commission that's more than I used to earn in a year?" April walks into the small office, an infectious grin on her face.

"You sold him on it?" I put away the file I'm working on and jump up to hug my friend.

"I had to flirt a little--give him a vivid picture of what he could have there, and he signed! I'm bloody brilliant."

April was my American ex-pat who I met when she was looking for a flat a few years ago. And now here she was, working for me at the small real estate office I managed with a few other people I considered friends.

"Do you know if he was single?" I tune back in to hear Janelle asking.

"No, don't give her bad advice!" I scold Janelle. “We don’t date clients.”

"I'm miserably single," April pouts. "I'll take advice even if it’s bad."

"Bad advice is to stay with your college sweetheart to the point where you're not sure he even cares about you." I say to no one in particular. It was just us in the office today, and they knew everything about my life so I didn't care much. But the pin-drop silence that follows is different. I look up to see my friends eyeing each other. "What?"

"Nothing." They stay tight lipped but I push and they crack. "Well, so...we know things are rocky between you and Harry..."

"Things aren't rocky," I clarify. "They're just...nonexistent."

"Right," April slides closer. "Soo, we saw him at the club yesterday."

I raise my eyebrow, "He told me he was meeting up with his boys."

"Oh!" They sound surprised I know, but they look at each other again so I push them. "He was...there was a girl? Sitting on his lap for most of the night? Like, nothing happened I don't think so?" She turns to look at April at the end of each sentence.

Personally, I feel gut-punched even though I suspected this. I knew he wasn't where he said he was going to be sometimes, or with who he said he was going to be with. But he cut our own dinner short last night to be with strangers yesterday? I grip the pen in my hand.

"Y/N honestly...you know we love you and support you. But, you're a special girl and you deserve better than that sod."

"Yeah," Janelle puts her hand on my shoulder. "You're a gem Y/N. There's someone else out there who's gonna see how rare you are."

"I know," I blow my cheeks out. We'd had different conversations like this before, although never this direct. I guess we'd never had direct proof of what my husband was doing until now though.

"He's an idiot not knowing you're so rare," my friends try to comfort me. I feel my eyes well up and I swipe at them. I wasn't going to cry at work but they must sense the tears because they excuse themselves, "We're going to get you a tea, and some pastries to celebrate April's sale. April?"

I keep my face buried in my hands as they leave, take a few deep breaths. "I am rare," I say to myself but even that makes me laugh bitterly. Harry and I had been together for 5 years and here I was trying to count up all the reasons we should stay together when he didn't even care. He was out with other women, and I was waiting around for him.

"I'm rare," I say again. "I'm special, I deserve better. I...deserve better."

When will u be home tonight? I text Harry before I lose my nerve.

Busy he says. That’s it. And then, Why?

What time? I ask again.

8 or so, he responds.

Okay, we need to talk then. I put my phone away, too scared what he might text back. A tear falls from my cheek onto my keyboard, landing on the letter H. It mocks me. I wipe it off, and before I can think about what I'm doing I smash the letter down with my fist. I stand up and walk to the back of the office, a window overlooks the busy street. I'd had enough, I decide. Fuck Harry.

I’m not sure how long I stand there stewing, but my friends walking in with pastries and tea ends the emotional boiling pot from overflowing.

"Thanks," I take the cup from them.

“So we were talking and...” April looks at Janelle and she nods. “You should come out with us some time. Like...tonight. Dance with us, with other people...”

“I...I’ve got something at 8,” I come up with an excuse. As angry as I was, I wanted to have this conversation. It was long overdue.

***

I check my time again, the last text Harry sent me Ok. But it was 8:25 and Harry still wasn’t home. I’d give him five more minutes, I decide. I’d already tried to ring him with no answer.

I stare at the ring on my finger, it was supposed to symbolize a promise he made to me. What a fucking joke. I should’ve never said I do in the first place.

Was it young love, I wonder. Did we do this too fast and we were just set up to fail? But I remember the good memories, the soft and sweet times between us.

“I-I’ve never done something like this before,” I tell Harry. “I hate heights.”

“Listen,” he crowds around me, blocking my view of his friends who are walking up the narrow trail like it was any old walkway. “You go in front of me, I’ll have my hand on your back the whole time. I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

I look up into those gentle eyes and swallow my fear. “Okay.”

“I promise it will be so worth it,” he gushes, his excitement uncaged now that I’d agreed. “There’s no lights there so the stars are so bloody bright--I know you’re going to love it!”

I can’t help it, my lips crack into a smile at his boyish excitement. He catches it and pauses, a breath in this whirlwind of a night. What started out as a house party turned into a walk to a local beach which turned into a hike into the woods and up a precarious--and very steep--ridge to get to an isolated lookout. Only with Harry did I find myself in these situations. And I loved it. I loved him, I realise then. My expression must change because he tugs on my hand, probably worried I’d change my answer.

“Walk ahead,” he instructs and I nearly tip toe on the ridge that’s at least 30 feet across. But his steady hand on my back pushes me gently and I walk across confidently until I look down 2/3 of the way. I freeze in place but Harry’s ready. “Y/N, you’re safe here. Look at me-look...”

I crane my neck and he grounds me, oh my god how did I just realise now how in love I was with him? He squeezes my hand, asks if I was okay. I had to be, I couldn’t stay stuck in the middle.

Inch by inch we finally make it to the other side and I jump off with a yelp which sets Harry off in a burst of laughter. Pretty soon he’s lifted me over his shoulder and carries me to the lookout on the edge. My feet had been through enough, he’d said.

And he was right--it was so worth it; the view with all the stars laid out. The buildings and their light pollution below were blocked out by the outcrops and it made the stars twinkle in all their glory. It made it the perfect place to be with the person I loved.

“Isn’t it the most incredible view?” Harry whispers in awe behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

“I.....I have no words apparently,” I laugh and turn in his arms. “Thanks for pushing me, this...it was worth it.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears and gazes at me in a way that makes me want to squirm. But I hold his gaze.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asks with a smile.

“Compared to the view,” I glance behind us. “I guess I’m alright.”

“No,” he guides my face back towards his. “This view over that one, any day. M’just that lucky.”

My words die on my lips as I’m overwhelmed by this feeling between us, the one I thought would keep us together like this forever.

He raises an eyebrow when I go silent and I shrug, “I’m all out of words today.”

I close my eyes as he kisses my temple. I turn back around and we spend the moment in silence, drinking in the view. His friends chatter around us but they’re background noise. My life felt like a movie right now.

Before we leave as a group, I tug Harry back. This was a good as place as any to tell him. I press my lips to his, and it takes him a second but he’s kissing me back. Before it can get carried away I push away and tell him what I’d been thinking all night, “I love you.”

He takes a step back, and then he’s grinning and pulling me back. “I love you! I love you listen, I’ve been wanting to say that for weeks!”

“Weeks?!”

“Yeah weeks! My sister said it was too soon, I might scare you off!”

I think about a few weeks ago, I was intensely shy around him even then. Maybe she was right, but the idea that he talked about me to his sister makes me flush. I wrap my arms around his waist “I just...this moment is so perfect. I never want it to end.”

“It doesn’t have to.” he’d promised. “I’m yours forever Y/N.”

When 8:30 comes and goes I call April, she lets me know where they were. “We’re so happy you’re coming! Are you sure you don’t want us to meet you somewhere else?” she shouts into the phone. When I tell her I just wanted to be where they were she reminds me to text them when I was nearby.

I have to dig into the back of my closet, past the pantsuits I wore to work, the casual dresses and loungewear. I still had some of my old party clothes, just a bit tighter than they used to be. But for where I was going, it would fit in.

Before I leave, I take a pen and scrawl a note: “Great talk"

My friends spot me as I walk in. The music is instantly too loud, the lights too bright, and there are too many people. But one of my them shoves a drink in my hand and pretty soon it’s the best place on earth. It was exactly where I needed to be. I turn off my cellphone and enjoy myself.

After a certain point, I don’t even know who I’m talking to, but pressed up against a body, feeling wanted, it drives me to keep dancing all night. Eventually, I crash at April’s and don’t roll out of hers until 11 the next morning. Harry’s barely an afterthought until I’m tucked in the taxicab taking me home and turn on my phone. 8 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 13 texts.

I’m shocked at the volume, Harry hadn’t blown up my phone like this in over a year. I listen to one voicemail: “Where the hell are you? I come home an hour late and you’re bloody gone with this stupid note here. Pick up! I’ve called you a billion times.”

I stare at my phone, I hadn’t heard Harry this passionate since...well it was a long time. And all it took was going out late and not answering his calls, giving him a taste of his own medicine. It almost makes me angrier; I had to partake in this juvenile dance to get his attention, even though we’d been married nearly 2 years.

He’s on a call when I get home, talking numbers or something. I head directly to the shower, clean up, and take my sweet time. It must’ve driven him mad waiting for me because by the time I’m out he blows a gasket.

“What’s this stunt you pulled last night? Wanting to talk and leaving me a stupid sarcastic note just because I’m late? Where were you?”

“Out,” I shrug. “I didn’t know you were late. You didn’t text.”

“I didn’t tex--oh I see, now we’re being petty yeah?”

That irked me, “I’m not being petty. It’s not like I get the same courtesy when you’re out late!”

“I’m busy, I can’t always be texting you!”

Excuses, I laugh and he looks at me like I’m crazy. “Busy what? Screwing other women-”

“Don’t be making shit up-”

“I’ve had people tell me that they see you with other women Harry! S’not a far stretch!”

That quiets him. Finally, he comes forward to stand inches away. “Y/N, c’mon. You and me...this is stupid. Sure I go out to party but I’m not-”

“Stop.” he was actually trying to talk his way out of this. And because I’d rather step in front of an oncoming train than cry in front of him, I head to the front door and walk out. I’d find someplace to crash today, but I wasn’t doing this.

***

“How’re you doing?” Janelle asks. I’d shown up at her doorstep and she set up her guest bed. She had plans so I spent most of my time burying myself in work, trying to get rid of all that angry energy pent up in me. Janelle had just come home.

“I’m just trying to move on. I don’t want to talk about him, I just don’t care at this point--I’m fed up!”

“As you should be,” she agrees. “Listen, I know we had a crazy night yesterday but I’m going out with some friends today and...maybe it’ll help you?”

I think about the killer headache this morning, but I also remember how good it felt to forget for a bit. I agree. Before I know it, Janelle’s found something that fits me and we’re back at a different club than the night before. Her friends are familiar faces but after a few drinks we’re all best friends. It feels great. Until I spot Harry’s face.

“That’s enough,” his face looms over mine as he pushes away the man I’m up against.

“What the fuck Harry...” I trail off as he pulls me away from the middle of the crowd. I try to pry his hand off but there’s too many people and he’s moving too quickly...and I’ve had a lot of drinks. “Let me go!” I say when we finally step away. We’re in what must be a private room. He seemed familiar with it--of course.

“So just because you heard I’m out and about some nights, you decide to come here and fuck around with random men?”

“Excuse me?” I stare at him, he was out of his mind. “I’m out having fun with my friends! I’m not here because of you.”

“Really? You come to the same place I come to all the time and dance with these strangers? And you’re drunk as fuck!”

“Since when did you care?” I ask. “Just leave me alone. You’ve been doing that perfectly fine the last few months.”

“I’m your bloody husband Y/N, you can’t just-”

“Then act like one!” I shout, and in the muffled quiet of the room with the bass thumping through it rings out. “I don’t need you! And you made it clear you don’t need me. These rings are a fucking joke, here-” I take mine off and throw it at him.

“You don’t mean it-”

“I do.” I give him a level stare, suddenly clear-headed. Maybe I’d process it later, but right now I was finally seeing what he’d become. He deserved to feel how I felt, and quite frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. I flip him with both hands, “Quite frankly Harry, you can suck my d-”

“Harry!” A shrill voice rings out from the entrance that now carries the loud beats of the dance floor, swallowing my words. “Liam told me you were here!”

I glance at the brunette in the doorway and back at him. I couldn’t even muster an eye roll; I had enough.

“Y/N!” Harry calls my name as I walk out.

“No it’s me, Becky?!” she tries to correct him. I can’t help but laugh as I make my way back to my friends with a drink in my hand, feeling free.

***

“Y/N, it’s Harry. I don’t know how it got this shite just please call me back. Just give me five minutes that’s all I n--message deleted”

“He’s moved on to the office phone then?” Janelle asks, her desk was beside mine so she’d heard him as I checked my messages. It was two weeks since that glorious night when I’d dumped Harry’s ass. Although a lot of my things were still at our house, I was just staying in a hotel right now while I figured things out. One thing I knew for sure though, I didn’t want to see him again.

“It’s pretty pathetic,” I say. It was also pathetic how long I’d stayed waiting around for us to be magically fixed. But that was something I was working on getting past.

“You’re glowing without him,” April says from where she’s getting her files together. “Haven’t you got that showing out east?”

“Yeah, oh god is that the time?” I rush to get my files in order. “I’ll catch up with you later-”

“We’re still getting drinks after?”

“Yes, drinks!” I call out as I leave the office and head down to the lobby. I don’t expect Harry there, and I barely have time for him as he comes up to keep my pace.

“Harry, I’ve got somewhere to be please leave me alone.”

“Y/N, wait just please listen to me.”

“No.”

“2 minutes!”

“Not even 1,” I spot my cab out front and head towards it. I’m about to get in but Harry holds the door. “Harry let go I’m going to be late.”

“Just let me talk to you, please!”

I finally look at him and he’s quite a sight. His hair is matted and without it’s usual bounce. He’s got a rough look and a 5 ‘o clock shadow.

“You had plenty of time to talk to me for months, you were too busy at the club. Sorry not sorry,” I tug at the door and he lets go, I don’t spare a backwards glance as we drive away.

One of the showings is successful, I manage to sell the family on the home and we set up a meeting to go over details at my office later in the week. I’ve got a bounce in my step as I return to the office. I tell the girls I’d meet them at the bar as I finalize my papers at the office. My bounce falters when I go head out after 5 to see Harry waiting outside the building.

“Y/N,” he calls out when he sees me. “I’m not going to leave until you talk to me.”

“That’s called stalking,” I say. A few people walking past us turn to glance at him and he notices. He moves to the inside lobby and asks me to follow. With a big sigh I do.

“I know what I did.” he begins.

“Congratulations,” I roll my eyes.

“No wait, I know what I did to you. And sorry can’t cover it. Just let me make it up to you, we have history and-”

“You don’t get it.” I stop his monologue from going any further. “I’m gonna be just fine. Without you. You didn’t care about our history until you couldn’t have me. I don’t know what happened to you Harry, but you’re not the man I fell in love with-”

“I know,” he says, tears of frustration coating his lashes. “I fucked up, I-I didn’t see what I had right in front of me and I just-”

“Let her slip away? Is that the best you can come up with?” I scoff. “You know what Harry? I’m done with this! Boy...bye.”

“Y/N just--” he grabs my arm before I can leave and pushes something cold into my palm. My wedding ring.

“I don’t want this,” I push it back in his hand.

“Please just take it--hold onto it,” he pushes it back into mine and closes my fingers over it. “I can’t...I can’t hold onto it just take it! You don’t even have to think about it-”

“Harry,” I soften my tone. He was desperate and even though some part of me thought it was about time he felt this type of way, my heart hurt a little. I didn’t want him to see that though so I just tuck the ring into the pocket of his button up and pat it. “Goodbye Harry.”

I walk away with my head held high even though he calls out to me. I walk the few blocks to where my friends are waiting and their warm smiles are enough to help me push the memory of Harry’s teary eyes, and the real history we did have once upon a time away. I was done with him, no longer thinking about him.

I just kept telling myself, I was rare like a gem and I had to see that. And maybe one day, someone else will too.

[miyacchis]

Notes from a Con Man - Musical Great Pretender Stage Report Act 1

This is a bit extremely rambly, but I want to give some description of the distinguishing features of the staged version of Great Pretender as compared to the anime, although my plan is not to give a complete recap of the plot, as I’m sure anyone who is choosing to read this has watched the anime - or so I assume, but you know you do you. I try to control myself and keep it just to what is relevant, but I’m also a wordy bitch and that will never change, so, reader beware, I guess.

 The stage is set up with three levels (the stage level, the second floor, and the third floor where the band is). Both the stage level and second floor have a couple of rooms that can be pulled out or opened, and backgrounds are projected onto the set to create different settings. With the exception of the opening theme, which is taken from the anime, all of the music is live, and there’s very good interplay between the band and the performers, and I don’t know if I’d ever been to another show that felt so vibrant/alive/idk?

First, the biggest change made for the sake of clear storytelling on the stage is the addition of a framing device: the plot is conveyed to the audience through Edamura’s (Miyata Toshiya) narration as he tells his story to a prosecutor after the events of LA Connection. The play opens where LA Connection ends with Edamura being questioned at a police station, where it’s clear that he has been attempting for hours to convince detectives to believe the team-confidence-wild-and-wacky-adventures ™  explanation as to how he came to be in possession of a bag stuffed with foreign currency. Detectives are fed up with him and ready to go berniewiththesteelchair.jpeg on his ass. Enter Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), an elite prosecutor who seems to be on track to become attorney general, although it is unclear to those at the police station why he would take interest in Edamura’s case. 

Edamura is initially reluctant to open up to Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), certain that he won’t be believed, but after Kitaoji quotes from Shakunetsu (side note: I had no idea that in English Shakunetsu was turned into Die Hot which is an absolutely incredible pun and I really commend the translator), Edamura thinks Kitaoji might be just the person to believe him and help him to make amends to all those he had harmed through his life of fraud. Kitaoji encourages Edamura to start at the beginning and goes to eat a piece of candy, prompting Edamura to question, “What would you do if this simple piece of candy was sold for $5 million?” at which point he begins telling his story, transporting us first to a club in Hollywood where we are introduced to the plot with Sakura Magic and, more importantly, Laurent (Miya Rurika, goddess, dressed devastatingly in green), who is identified in quick succession as a French trader, an arrogant Don Juan, and the “bastard who got me into this mess.” 

Edamura bumbles through Laurent’s plot to build hype and clinch a deal with Cassano (Otani Ryosuke) by having Abby (Yamamoto Chihiro) “test” the “drug,” while giving small asides to Kitaoji to explain the main players and reveal to him that this is all a con job, but when Edamura is called to sign the contract to supply Cassano with the drug for $5 million, he flips out, pulls Salazar’s (Mikami Ichiro) gun, and flees the club, without the excuse of believing that he had taken drugs as he did in the anime. It is also not at this point that Edamura makes the connection between Laurent and Kudo and realizes that he’s been set up (Miyata!Edamura is overall a bit less perceptive than Kobayashi!Edamura, as we shall see, although I think this was a function of simplifying aspects of the characters’ interactions for the sake of clarity for the stage). 

Kitaoji pops in and out of the story from this point, donning different costumes (an unhoused person, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Razzie from the Shakunetsu series, etc.) to illustrate different aspects of the main characters’ conversations, and he serves as a way to get into Edamame’s head, allowing him to express what he is thinking and feeling as events in the story play out. It is in the metanarrative that we get some of these more comedic scenes, as well as additional insight into Edamura’s character as he grapples with his own identity as a scam artist and the son of a child trafficker.

After escaping Cassano’s henchmen outside the club, Edamura rejoins Kitaoji to ask if he’s following the story so far, which of course he is not (lol), so Edamura dives into how he met Laurent and came to be in LA. From here we flashback three days, joining Edamura and Kudo (Fukumoto Shinichi) in Asakusa as they spy Laurent as a potential mark. Edamura pulls the wallet-switch trick, and this scene generally follows the anime, although parts, such as the scenes showing Edamura selling water filters and Edamura and Kudo being raided by what seems to be the police, have been cut. After realizing that Laurent pickpocketed him and saw through his grift, Edamura quickly follows and catches him as he is about to depart in a cab to the airport. Just a moment to talk about this cab because it was such a cute, clever idea; it was really just a little push car driven by one of the supporting cast, and it can be disconnected in the middle, so as the driver pulls off, the back seat can be left behind, allowing the audience to watch Laurent and Edamura’s conversation as they are taken to the airport. 

Similarly to the anime, the successive scenes are nominally delivered in English, so Edamura switches to a dialect of Japanese to represent his accented English, which I mention only because Miyata discussed Edamura’s code switching with Kobayashi (Edamura’s Japanese voice actor) in an interview in vol. 51 of Stage Square and how he was concerned that he might confuse Standard Japanese and the dialect during scenes where he has to go back and forth quickly. Kobayashi reassured him that as he got into the character of Edamura Miyata would naturally fall into dialect whenever speaking to Laurent and Abby, and I’m very biased, buuuttttt throughout the run of the show, Miyata performed this beautifully, and as someone who for several years lived in the Tohoku region, the dialect of which Edamura’s accent reminded me of, his accent made me really nostalgic. 

Anywayyyyyy

After Laurent and Edamura bet on the outcome of Laurent’s upcoming “business negotiations” and it’s agreed that they will travel to LA together, the opening theme plays, the main cast is introduced, with Edamura running up and down the set to give a sense of action, the title in massive letters is lowered onto the stage, and we rejoin the main plot with Edamura trying to elude Cassano’s gang on the streets of LA by hiding behind the title. The supporting cast gives us some great background color as like random people in LA, like we’ve got some girls with Starbucks cups, some people breakdancing while simultaneously mugging a Dodgers fan, a skateboarder shouting “STREET”...for some reason. Perfect encapsulation of America *chef’s kiss*

Laurent finds Edamura and tells him to come home because he’s a good boy (😳), and Edamura is then introduced to Abby who, just as in the anime, kicks and knocks him out, after which they collect him and take him to an upscale hotel where Cynthia/Paula Dickens (Senna Ayase) is performing as a jazz singer. Laurent greets her briefly, but we don’t properly get introduced to her character until a later, very frustrating scene, but I’m not going to get started on that yet (it’s not her that’s frustrating, but it’s how they chose to have her and Edamura meet, but anyway we’ll get there). She sings “Summertime,” and it’s a lovely performance; all of her acting choices are very clearly informed by her experience in Takarazuka - she has these really dynamic, almost over-the-top movements and she uses that to her advantage to be one of the more comedic actors - and it’s really entertaining to watch.

Laurent orders them drinks; Edamura has something pink in a little martini glass, and he splutters when he tries to take a sip because he can’t handle his alcohol, which makes Laurent laugh, giving a lot of credence to Laurent’s statement soon after that he derives a lot of pleasure out of toying with naive boys like Edamura who pretend to be tougher than they really are. There’s also some funny adlib with Abby at this point where she gets brought different plates of food like fake fruit on one day and a tower of donuts on another. Laurent explains who Cassano is and the plan to defraud him and gives Edamura a notebook with a fabricated recipe for Sakura Magic, so the notebook is not part of what Edamura prepares himself when he goes later to get himself captured by Cassano to negotiate with him. Edamura has a couple of outbursts accusing Laurent and Abby of putting on airs, pretending to be carrying out justice, repeatedly interrupting the band who give him dirty looks and Shi-won, dressed as one of the saxophonists, loudly blows the saxophone back at him, and this prompts Laurent to be like nah we’re getting too much attention here let’s continue this back at the hotel. 

The hotel scene is fairly similar to the anime, but once Edamura is left alone, we get the first instance of him thinking about his family as he reflect on what Laurent had to say about how people don’t always believe the truth that is in front of them as they would rather believe whatever is most convenient. He flashes back to his family going home together after his father finished a case (the hotel room is on the second floor with his mom and dad entering on the stage level; the younger version of Edamura is done in voice over), and of course they seem like a happy family, although it’s interesting that what his dad has to say about ethics was cut from the script. The scene focuses more on Edamura idolizing his father as a great lawyer.

Okay, so we’ve finally come to the scene I absolutely hated and did not think was necessary, after Edamura leaves the hotel room. He is approached by three unhoused persons, one of whom he at first thinks is Kitaoji coming to interrupt the narrative again, but he soon realizes that they are “real homeless.” It was really just a disgusting, cruel stereotype; one of them is playing with a rat they found, another is acting like a junkie, and the ringleader is trying to get money off of him because they haven’t eaten in three days and then they steal his little Toyotomi Hideyoshi figurine and play keepaway with it and don’t stop until Cynthia/Paula Dickens (at this point she’s Paula tho so I’m going to refer to her that way) enters and is like knock it off. So that’s how they meet. Cool. They could easily have come up with something else and they just didn’t.

But, anyway, since he got his figurine back, he explains to Paula that his hobby is collecting capsule toys, and during his explanation, a gacha machine is projected up on the stage, out of which comes Kitaoji dressed as Toyotomi, followed by a bunch of other figures from Japanese history. This part always got a pretty good laugh out of the audience, and I think it was a pretty cute way to stage it. Paula insists they go to dinner together, so she can hear more about Toyotomi, and the capsule toy figurines all follow to a diner (serving “breadfast” 24hrs lol) where Shi-won is dressed as someone named Ricardo. The figurines all start to get drunk, while “Ricardo” fixes Edamura and Paula some tacos; meanwhile Edamura explains that Toyotomi began as a simple peasant, but because of his hard work and study, he was able to climb all the way to the top and unite all of Japan as a powerful lord. 

Edamura asks why she decided to help him before and he despairs that he must seem like a beaten dog, but she explains that while she might seem confident, she faces tremendous anxiety getting on stage every day, particularly as she wants to make it big as a performer but can’t expect to get the attention of a label just because she can sing a bit. (In the background, Francis Xavier is completely sloshed and ends up drinking with Ricardo) Edamura suggests that she take inspiration from Toyotomi as someone who was able to trick even his enemies into working with him and represent herself as someone more important than she is to get music producers onto her side. She seems fired up by this proposal, and she says that she’ll follow the example of Toyotomi, “Japan’s best confidence man,” which gives Edamura his own motivation to get back to trying to win the bet with Laurent. He asks Paula to wish him good luck and runs off, and we get the first dance scene with Edamura and a number of samurai as he builds up to confronting Cassano. The scene ends with him running into a video shop, presumably to rent Cassano’s movies.

Laurent and Abby are called to Cassano’s mansion - they argue if Edamura is capable of pulling off a job like this, although Laurent insists that he has a natural talent - but they are certain that he must be dead when they hear from Salazar that Edamura was taken into their custody at the airport trying to run. However, Edamura bursts onto the scene, dressed in a new Hawaiian shirt, and at this point, Miyata looks as though he has been in a swimming pool, but it’s just sweat lmao. Cassano informs them that he’s made a new deal with Edamura for $10 million, and when they ask how, we get a flashback showing how he got onto Cassano’s good side by praising Shakunetsu with Kitaoji, as Razzie, acting out scenes from the Shakunetsu movies on the second floor of the stage. Whenever Cassano hugs Edamura in these scenes, it was really funny because his jacket would get just absolutely covered in Miyata’s sweat just ugh gross lol 

Cassano’s accountant joins them and they play out the whole bit about confirming Edamura’s credentials as a pharmaceutical scientist, at which point Edamura finally realizes that Kudo is working with Laurent, when he calls Kudo to thank him for deceiving Cassano’s attorneys. After Cassano has confirmed Edamura’s identity, he takes the crew to his factory and insists that Edamura make Sakura Magic for them right there and then so that they can be sure to properly replicate his recipe. She does this the whole play, but particularly during this scene, you can really see how well Miya Rurika portrays Laurent as always calm and and in control before Edamura but as quietly losing his shit whenever he feels like they’ve been backed into a corner, and we also get some very cute like Laurent clearly being exasperated with Edamura but the two of them starting to be able to play off one another as they convince Cassano that the factory isn’t up to snuff for making Sakura Magic. 

They have to clear out because they hear someone coming, but Cassano promises that he will build a new laboratory for Edamura and entrusts his care to Salazar. The police bust in after everyone has left; Anderson does the absolute most to show off to everyone that he’s properly securing the scene, but he’s clearly relieved that Cassano slipped through their fingers once again oh my how does this keep happening oh well better luck next time. We get a proper introduction to Paula and Shi-won as members of the FBI who have come to investigate Laurent and his organization (Paula has changed into this beautifully tailored brown tweed pantsuit and she pulls it off so well), and Paula threatens to expose Anderson’s connections to Cassano if he doesn’t follow her lead.

After the scene in the factory, we return to the present in the interrogation room with Kitaoji and Edamura. Detectives bring Kitaoji additional files on Edamura, asking if the prosecutor has heard of the attorney Ozaki. They inform him that Edamura is Ozaki’s son, and Kitaoji is a bit shocked; he leaves, saying that he will review the files. The detectives collect the money before exiting the room, but not without getting in a dig at Edamura, telling him that he clearly takes after his father. Edamura is stricken by this statement, and the act ends with Edamura battling with this internal conflict. 

I don’t think anyone would want to read all of this, but if you have, thank you so much. I hope some of it at least was interesting or informative. I’m going to end there for now, as I’ve already gone on for too long, and I’ll finish writing up the second act in another post.

[emilyplaysotome]

The Queen Makes Her Choice: Part 6

This is the final chapter to a multi-part smutty fic with the MLQC boys. This might be the filthiest thing I've ever written 😂

This whole series is for those 18+ only.

Catch up:

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Miracle finder makes it impossible to see anyone, and even if it hadn’t, it wouldn’t matter.

Gavin is on a mission, Victor is on a trip, Kiro is on tour, and Lucien…

…well, Lucien isn’t replying, or posting, or commenting.

No surprise there.

I have no idea if he’ll show on Saturday even though the rest of them will be there. I’ve booked us a private room in one of Loveland’s hottest “sky clubs” - a lounge located at the top of a high rise with nothing but large glass windows and views for days to accompany the drinks and people.

It was a splurge on my salary, but I have to do this right.

If I do this right well...

...maybe there's hope of keeping them all by my side.

There’s still no reply from Lucien as I get ready an hour before everyone is supposed to meet. I decide to tell him that I need him there, and let that be the end of it.

I don’t have much in my closet for this event, but buried in the back I find an old clubbing outfit from my birthday two years ago. The top is an iridescent blueish-purple with spaghetti straps, a revealing back, and cropped to show my midriff. I pair it with a flowy dark skirt that balances out its sex appeal, tying my hair back, and putting on a simple necklace to show off my neckline.

I feel pretty and knowing that I’m about to meet four (well, hopefully four) men who have all confessed to me, I feel confident that they will too.

—

I arrive early and finish my drink too quickly in the hopes of calming my nerves. The waitstaff gets me another and I tell myself to cool it for fear of getting too drunk before they all arrive.

The room I’ve reserved is bigger than I expected, with seating that could easily accommodate 25 people. There are standing cocktail tables and ink blue couches that have a soft, velvet fabric accompanied by tables for drinks.

I’ve settled into the center of one of the couches and I’m distracting myself on my phone, hoping that my nerves will fade when I hear the door open.

I’m surprised that its Lucien who I see first.

“I didn’t think you were coming?!” I say.

He kisses me before sitting next to me, looking around the room.

“I wasn’t sure if I would.”

“But why?”

He sighs and shakes his head, smiling.

“Too much thinking. Too much worrying.”

I have more questions, but I won’t get to ask them as Victor enters next. Upon seeing Lucien I can see his defenses go up. He puffs out his chest, tilts up his chin sneering at him, making no attempt to hide what can only be described as a very sour expression.

I get up and stand between them, gently taking Victor’s hand and guiding him to sit beside me on the couch. Sandwiched between him and Lucien, I thank him for coming. The mood only grows more tense with each addition.

Gavin is next.

Kiro is last.

It’s clear that they all thought I had planned something for them and them alone based on the disappointment I see on their faces when they register their competition in the room. Once they’re all assembled, Lucien and Victor on either side of me, Gavin pouting with his arms crossed and standing by one of the cocktail tables and Kiro who paces like a wild animal in a cage, I begin.

“I know you’re all eager to understand what this is about,” I say. “And I first want to thank you all for being in my life.”

There are gruff acknowledgments all around, but no real words or statements from anyone. I can tell by the way they’re drinking and refilling their glasses that they’re just as nervous as I am, and not wanting to drag things out I continue.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in my partner, and I keep coming back to daily life. Waking up next to someone I love each morning, making breakfast, hearing about their day…”

It’s then I look at each of them, one by one.

“…and I’ve come to the conclusion that none of you can do that for me.”

“Now wait a minute,” Gavin starts to say and I cut him off.

“You’re always gone on some mission for God knows how long.”

I turn to look at Lucien, “You disappear on me at the drop of a hat…”

Then Victor, “…you spend 50% of your time doing business outside of Loveland City….”

And finally Kiro, “…and you’re on tour for the foreseeable future.”

They all seem bashful because they know I’m right.

They all know they couldn’t be 'the one' unless they all made major concessions for me.

“So I think for now, until things change, I will commit to none of you and all of you.”

There’s shock from Gavin.

Laughter from Victor.

Annoyance from Kiro.

Anger from Lucien.

Gavin quickly spits out “That’s…” but Victor cuts him off.

“Only fair. None of us can really run to her side when she needs us, but between the four of us we can take care of her.”

I’m stunned that he actually agrees, not just understands.

I thought that out of the four he might be the most difficult to convince, but suddenly I’m watching as he argues with Kiro about what it means to love me. Lucien is silent, along with Gavin. They listen as they wrestle with what they already know about our world to their ability to accept being a part time boyfriend.

There’s silence when Victor reminds them aloud of the danger I face.

Being with me is not just being there for the good times, though I’m grateful that lately there’s been many. This time of peace may disappear just as easily as it arrived and they all know it, even if they don't want to admit it.

I’m surprised when Gavin is the second to agree to keeping things as they are, with the caveat that I not think about anyone but him when we’re together. I find myself feeling shy and can feel the heat creep into my cheeks as I nod back at him, knowing that his request is easily fulfilled.

Satisfied by my reply he smirks before making it known that he doesn’t want to discuss things further and will invite me on a date soon, leaving me with the others.

I can tell that Kiro is close to compromising, but Lucien beats him to the punch.

“Alright,” he says with that smile of his. “This just gives you more time to decide that you love me most.”

The comment makes Kiro look as if he’s going to rip Lucien’s head off, and he charges towards him. Victor puts his hand out and holds Kiro back, reminding him that this is not about how they feel about each other but how they feel about me.

Lucien quietly laughs and whispers in my ear, “I will try sticking around in the future in order to prove to you that I’m all you need, if that’s truly what you’re looking for.”

“It is,” I say.

I’m not lying, but for now I’m relieved to have found a loophole.

I’m relieved that it seems I will not have to choose after all.

“While I don’t like the idea of leaving you with these two, I must be off to a prior commitment. I only meant to stop by because you were insistent. And because I will always be there for you, despite what you may think.”

He’s being mysterious but I can tell whenever we’re together he can’t help but be pulled back to me as much as he tries to run away.

I can tell that he looks for excuses to be with me, even when he's busy.

“Thank you Lucien,” I say and mean it.

I’m grateful that I don’t have to say goodbye, especially to him.

I’m surprised when he kisses me, deeply, in front of the others and I can feel that his eyes are on them as he does it, almost as if he’s challenging them.

When he pulls away I watch as Victor rolls his eyes as Kiro grows incensed again. Lucien pretends not to care and leaves, ignoring the string of obscenities that flows out of Kiro.

“Enough,” Victor eventually says, sighing and returning to the couch next to me.

“I understand why we’re doing what we’re doing,” Kiro says, still standing. “But doesn’t it bother you seeing that?”

“No,” Victor says coolly. “It only motivates me to please her more.”

I feel his hand wrap around my midriff and he kisses me, passionately, in front of Kiro. I let out a surprised moan and after a moment he pulls away with a smirk.

“See?”

I’m embarrassed and I quietly scold him for kissing me like that in front of Kiro. Not to be outdone, Kiro comes over and kisses me too. I can taste the cocktail on him and the wine on Victor and between the alcohol and their touch I realize that I feel a bit light headed.

As Kiro kisses me, I feel Victor’s hand travel under my skirt and up my thigh. He starts rubbing me and I moan, prompting Kiro to deepen his kiss, moving his hands from my face to my neck and then chest. When he pulls away, Victor capitalizes on the opportunity and kisses my neck as he slides one of his fingers into me.

I can tell they’re both more intoxicated than they’d ever admit, and to be honest, so am I.

Sober me would have stopped this but drunk me is flying high on everything that is happening. It feels too good to worry about the waitstaff walking through that door, and I close my eyes knowing that Kiro is watching Victor play with me, eagerly awaiting his turn.

He’s impatient though, and my top comes off leaving me fully exposed to both the men and the city beyond the large glass windows. I feel myself reaching for both of them, to make them feel as good as they’re making me feel and I feel Victor’s other hand unbutton his pants.

--

What happens next is a bit of a blur.

It’s almost as if I come back to myself, stripped bare and breathing heavily on a couch that isn’t mine and in a lounge where anyone could have walked in at any moment. I see the two men next to me, panting and satisfied on either side, tucking their shirts back in as they return to a disheveled version of the men that appeared earlier in the night.

I will pretend that I don’t remember bouncing on top of Victor as I sucked on Kiro. I will pretend that I won’t remember finishing both of them on my knees, with my hands and my mouth before letting Victor finish me with his mouth while Kiro watches on, all the while stimulating my other sensitive spots.

I will pretend I don’t remember Victor playing with time to drag out my pleasure when it finally comes, and that I do not giggle when Kiro whines, “Oh come on, that’s just cheating…”

When the waitstaff finally do enter, we are all fully clothed and in the process of sobering up with cold glasses of water. I worry that the room reeks of sex and that they know what happened, but it would appear that they are none the wiser.

Victor grabs the tab that I was supposed to pick up and pays for everything, leaving just as much in tip before saying to us, “Let’s get out of here.”

On the street we are silent - the cold air sobering us to the reality that lies beyond.

“Do you mind if I take her home?” Victor asks Kiro politely, and I’m surprised when Kiro shakes his head.

“I have to catch an early flight for our next leg of the tour.”

“You’ll keep in touch, right?” I ask, almost scared that the greediness of my actions will catch up with me, but Kiro just smiles his bright, pop star smile.

“Of course Miss Chips. Until we meet again.”

He kisses me sweetly, and neither he nor Victor seem to care that the other is present for this moment.

He leaves and Victor takes my hand, slowly walking me back home.

We’re silent for a few blocks before he starts chuckling out of seemingly nowhere.

“What?!” I demand.

“You continue to surprise me.”

I look at him, puzzled as to what he’s talking about and he continues.

“I’ll have to come up with a new contract to ensure I get at least one fourth of your time.”

He’s teasing me, but I know him well enough to know that he’s actually impressed at how I’ve managed to get what I want despite how things are usually done. He’s known from the start that I haven’t wanted to say goodbye.

That I’m not ready to.

There’s kindness in what he’s saying, and it’s not lost on me. As much as I know he wants me for himself, he won’t rush me.

He loves me too much to do that.

They all do.

The topic changes quite naturally and before I know it we’re chatting as if our salacious night never happened. He’s mocking me for being a glutton and I’m pretending to be outraged that he’d call me such.

I invite him in because I’m back faster than I expected and to my disappointment, he refuses me.

“LFG calls,” he says, and I can tell he’s disappointed too.

“Ok. Thanks for walking me home.”

He smiles and kisses me and just as I turn to open the door to my building and head inside, he grabs my arm.

“But now that I know what you want, soon enough you won’t have this excuse to keep the others around…”

He lets go and turns on his heel, not glancing back and walking away with the kind of confidence and swagger I know only he posses. My heart races as I watch him turn the corner and out of my sight before turning in.

—

I shower the night off of me and change into cozy pajamas, crawling into bed. I have four messages, one from each of them, all wishing me good night and reminding me that this is for now.

“One day work won't consume my life,” Victor repeats.

“One day I will prove to you that I can stay,” Lucien says.

“One day my mission will be complete,” Gavin promises.

“One day it will only be us,” Kiro muses.

One day.

But until that day, I will savor having all them in my life.

And I will love them all as much as they love me, for as long as I’m allowed.

--

This was fun to write and *very* out of my comfort zone. As always, if you’ve enjoyed the story, please show your support by sharing it with a friend, liking it, commenting to say that you enjoyed it/what you liked, or buying me a coffee!

While this is most likely the last installment of this short series, if you like my writing I hope you'll follow me for more in the future.

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[nicolewoo]

Please Daddy Part 5

Pairing: Joe Anaoi X Reader (Roman Reigns X Reader)

Warning: Smut including fingering of a girl.

We were on our way to the club when I got a phone call from Ann. “This can’t be good.” I say as I press call button. “Is everything ok?”

Ann’s voice came through the car speakers. “Yes, but I need you to help liaison tonight.” Club meetings were very involved. First the doms and subs met separately to discuss any issues with the other group. The liaisons of the doms and subs met together before the entire club joined for a group meeting. “What’s going on? Why do you need me?” I asked.

Her timid voice answered. “I’d do it myself, but we are voting on a new member that I think is going to interest all the single subs. I’m hoping you can remind the subs of proper behavior with famous members.”

“Really?” My mind flashed back to when I met Henry. There were so many things to remember about protocol. How we had to handle being out in public. “Who are they voting in?”

Ann paused before answering. “Chris Evans.”

“You THINK every sub will be interested?” I said sarcastically.

Ann laughed at the joke, but the grunt that came from Joe wasn’t a laugh. He was displeased. Jealous maybe. I reached my hand over to rest it on his leg reassuringly. I’d have to be careful to let him know he’s the only man I want tonight.

“Since you’re not interested in him, you should be the one who goes over the behavior standards.” Joe perked up after hearing Ann as I breathed a sigh of relief. Ann had easily picked up on Joe’s jealousy and was able to defuse the situation by saying I wasn’t interested. Thank you Ann!!!

“Oh. Sure. I’ll do it.” I volunteered.

___________________________________________________________________

Ann and I stood in front of the subs. Most were female, but we did have a smattering of male subs too. There was a buzz in the air as word of Chris Evans permeated the meeting room. “Calm down everyone.” Ann yelled above the din.

“Is it true?” Kelly yelled above the noise and captured everyone’s attention, the crowd prodding us along to try and get the truth.

I motioned for Ann to sit. I knew she didn’t like public speaking, and I knew that was why she wanted me here. “Everyone sit please.” I said as I took my spot at the podium. The room quieted quickly. “Yes. Chris Evans is here and has asked to join our club. Yes. He looks better in person than he does on the big screen.” I hadn’t even finished my sentences before the whole room broke out into chaos again. Words like “mine” and “dibs” were volleyed about the room. There was also a commotion about if he was straight, gay or bi or something else.  “Subs, the faster we get through this, the faster you all can meet him, but first…..” The subs began to compose themselves again. “First we need to go over some standards for our behaviors.”

Now that I had everyone’s attention, it was time. “It’s been a long while since we’ve had a star of Chris’ magnitude join.” I heard someone mention Henry. “Here’s what you’ll need to remember. First and foremost, he is human. He has wants and desires like the rest of us, but don’t confuse him with the characters he plays in movies. Chris has a reputation for being an upstanding, kind and generous man. This is his PUBLIC persona. In truth, we know nothing about his preferences yet. I’m sure at least one of you will get to find out soon. For all we know, he could be the cruelest dom in the building, so tread lightly. Get to know him before jumping into signing a contract with him.

Second, give him room! I’m certain a lot of you want an opportunity to play with him, but desperation doesn’t look good on anyone. Let Chris approach you. Those of us who are in relationships will assist with introductions where possible.”

The room erupted again. “Attention!” I yelled over the noise, and the room quieted again. “Next, if you and Chris do end up together, there are complications you need to be aware of. He may or may not want your relationship to be public. If so, you’ll be criticized by his fans, and it will be relentless.” I looked to Ann who cringed at the thought of some of the press she got.

“Everyone needs to remember our #1 rule. Discretion! Just as this club is a safe haven for each of us, it needs to be Mr. Evan’s safe haven too.” There were verbal agreements all through the room. As the meeting went on, I was able to get the subs subdued a bit, but there was a palpable energy about the club for sure.  

We arrived at the dom meeting room just as their meeting was breaking up. Henry quickly found Ann and glued himself to her side, but Joe was deep in conversation across the room.

“Have the subs seen Chris yet?” Henry asked.

I chortled, “I think it’s safe to say he’s going to have his choice of the available subs.”

Ann laughed, “We had trouble keeping them calm enough to have the meeting.”

“That’s good to hear.” I turned to find Mr. Evans walking up to us. To me actually. His eyes raked over me like I was prey and he was stalking. “So, when you say I can have my pick of ANY sub...” he sidled up next to me.

Something about his body language must have alerted Joe because he quickly ended his conversation and was storming to me. “You’re very sweet, but I meant the single subs.” Seeing Joe approaching me angry, Henry turned to see why, and I watched as Henry read Chris’ body language too.

Realizing his mistake, Chris started apologizing immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see a cuff...”

Hen interjected. “My bad. I forgot to tell him.” He said it as much to the approaching Joe as to me. “No cuffs here, mate.” He patted Chris’ shoulder. “We don’t use cuffs here. We use necklaces instead.” My hand shot to my necklace a beautiful ruby surrounded by diamonds.

Joe arrived now, pushing between Chris and I and wrapping his arms around me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was irate. “Daddy,” I whispered to try to sooth him.

“I’m so sorry,” Chris held his hands up. “My apologies.”

Joe grumbled and looked down at me. “Are you ok, baby girl?

“I’m perfectly fine.” I said as I leaned into Joe. “Just a misunderstanding.” I was still trying to sooth Joe’s anger.

“I’m so sorry.” Chris dropped his head in a perfectly rehearsed beg for forgiveness. “I didn’t know.”

“Really, it was my fault.” Henry interrupted Chris.

I needed to defuse the situation quickly, but I wasn’t sure how. My brain raced as I tried to figure what might sooth Joe. Blow job face? Yeah… that should do it. I kept my head down and peered my eyes up at Joe with the same look I always gave him when I blew him. In theory, that should distract him. He paused a moment looking at me. He couldn’t help but smile at my obvious ploy to calm him. “No worries.” He extended a hand to Chris. “Just a misunderstanding.” He grabbed my chin and kissed me, like he was marking his territory.

 “I want to thank you.” I told Ann as we relaxed with our friends.

She looked puzzled. “What did I do?”

“Earlier… in the car…” I prodded.

She reached her hand out to pat my hand and smiled big. “I figured Joe was the jealous type.” She winked at me. “Plus, I didn’t say anything that isn’t true. You really don’t like Mr. Evans.”

“I didn’t say that.” I grinned and the women around me laughed.

Ann turned to see our men sitting across the room playing cards. Following her gaze, I turned to see them too. My eyes locked with Joe’s, and a sinful grin lit up his face. “There’s only 1 man for you right now, and even Chris Evans can’t mess that up.” Everyone laughed. Everyone except me. Joe’s gaze burned through me and my body reacted.

“Do you need to go?” Stephanie asked me, turning my attention back to our friends.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what Joe wanted, but just as I began to wonder, he nodded at me as if to say Go on. Have fun, and he focused his attention back on his friends. “No. I’ve got time.” I said with my eyes still locked on Joe.

We stayed for a couple of hours catching up. It wasn’t uncommon after meetings for the doms to keep to themselves and the subs keep to ourselves, but before too long, Henry and Chris made their way over to our group. It didn’t escape my notice that Joe immediately headed my way, almost catching up to Henry and Chris.

As the gentlemen neared, Ben, one of the subs, let out a low grumble of approval followed by “I hope he’s bi.”

As the group of doms approached us, I mused at how ALL of the subs quieted down as if we were all under their spell. Joe’s arm quickly wrapped around my waist as he approached me….. claimed me… marked his territory, and in truth, I was thrilled at his possessiveness. More than a few of the subs looked jealously at me with the giant Samoan. He placed a gentle kiss to my forehead and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Are you having fun?” The sultry tone of his voice immediately turned me on. I took a deep breath in before answering yes. “Do you want to stay here or go home?”

Dammit! He knew what his soft whisper in my ear was doing to me. He’d already begun the scene and we weren’t even alone, but as he towered over me possessively and protectively, I relaxed into his presence and realized it was time to go home even though it was early.

“Henry, Chris.” Joe shook their hands. “It’s time for us to go home.” He kissed my temple as if he was rubbing it in that we were together. Rubbing it in to who though? The dozen or so subs that sat around us? To Henry or Chris? It honestly didn’t matter. If daddy said it’s time then it’s time.

We made our excuses and went to Joe’s car in the parking garage attached to the club. I neared the passenger side door waiting for him to open it as usual. Instead, he reached out putting his hands on the car trapping me between them. “Mine!” he growled as he buried his face in my neck, trailing soft kisses over the hot skin. “Mine.”

“Yours!” I sighed as he continued his seduction on me. He moved an arm long enough to brush my hair off my shoulder to get better access to my neck. My hands clawed at his back as he drove me mad with his teasing.

“Mine!” He looked down at me, locking my stare with his. “Remember that.” His tone was half desperation.

“Yours.” I said sweetly now. “Only yours.” The words seemed to calm him a bit, and he opened the car door allowing me to climb inside before closing the door behind me and coming around the car to the driver’s side.

Once we were on the road, Joe placed his huge, warm hand on my knee, his thumb lazily drawing circles for a minute before he slid his hand up to the hem of my dress. “Pull it up,” he commanded and I quickly did. “Underwear off,” was his next command.

Sliding the silky material down, I held the scant cloth up for him to see. He quickly grabbed it from my hands and tucked it into his pocket. “Mine!” He joked.

I intended to laugh, but his hand shot straight to my pussy, gently running a finger over my slit. When the skin parted and his finger found my moisture, he smiled wide. “Ready for me already?” I felt a little embarrassed at how quickly my body responded to him, so I kept quiet. “Good girl.” He said as he slid his finger up to my clit.

Instantly, he started circling it gently. Damn! He knew exactly how to touch me. In seconds I was already moaning in pleasure. Just when I thought I’d explode from his attention on my clit, he slid a finger inside.

This couldn’t have been safe. He split his attention between driving and getting me off, and as he leaned forward to get a better position to slide 2 fingers deep inside me, I fretted for a second but the pleasure his fingers gave me quelled my fears. Trust him… the first rule.

Closing my eyes and leaning my head against the seat, I surrendered to him.  The bite of the cold winter night nipped at the edges of my consciousness, but the only thing I could focus on was his fingers. They slid in, filling me, out and slid over my clit. In filling me, out sliding over my clit…. It was a beautiful torture.

He built me up until I begged him to stop. “Daddy, please.”

“Please what?” He tried to sound innocent.

I growled in frustration. “Daddy, Stop the car. Pull over… do something. I need to cum.” I whined needily next to him as my hips bucked up to meet his hand.

“Soon baby girl. We’re just a couple of blocks away.” He chuckled. “You can make it.” He teased as he turned onto his street.

I rolled my head back and forth as my hips greedily bucked up toward his hand again. “No. Now, daddy. Please now!”

He quickly removed his fingers, resting them on my leg. Without even taking his eyes off the road he growled out, “Don’t you DARE tell daddy what to do and when to do it.” He acted mad, but when I peeked over at him, he had a devilish smirk on his face.

“I’m sorry daddy.” I hadn’t realized how bratty I was being, but seeing his smirk, I realized he was thoroughly amused. Ok. I can play brat tonight. “I just need to cum.” I sulked in my seat.

He laughed low. “You NEED what I say you need.” His amused tone of voice calmed my overheated body a bit. He pulled into his garage now, coming around to open my door as I pulled my skirt down to cover myself.

Opening the car door, he offered me his hand, and when I stood, I was wedged between the car and him. His presence was overpowering. “Come. Let me show you what you need.” He said.

@mindofasagitarius   @lclb13 @serenityfiretrash @lustyromantic @reigns-5sos @bigpsychicbagelauthor @omg-im-such-a-masochist

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

The Question

The Pool | The Difference | The Notes | The Fear | The Thought | Masterlist Pairing: Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon x Reader Rating: Explicit - 18+ only Warnings: None? Besides cursing. Notes: Fluffy! Fluffy! Most of these going forward are going to be fluffy. Most. Summary: How the hell does this man still give you butterflies? You’re flustered in the middle of your own damn kitchen and he isn’t even there.

You wake up alone. You don’t like that, but it happens sometimes. You and Borracho don’t exactly have regular hours, it’s not like criminals keep their shenanigans to a 9-5 schedule. You used to be a light sleeper when it came to sleeping with someone else, but with Borracho… Hell, you don’t know if it’s how quietly he’s able to move or how safe you feel with him, but you almost never wake up when he gets out of bed. You pick up your phone and shut off the alarm; no texts, no calls from him or the guys, so things are probably status quo. You don’t have to be in the office for another hour. You slide out of bed and head into the kitchen. You’re alone, but you still smile when you see that he’s made you coffee and left you a post-it. ‘Got called into work early. See you later. Love you, sweetness. -B’

You shake your head a little bit, running your thumb over the ink. How the hell does this man still give you butterflies? You’re flustered in the middle of your own damn kitchen and he isn’t even there. Oh, but you can practically hear him saying it, too. And the fact that he even stopped to write a note-- You shake your head and stick it to the fridge under a magnet, alongside a few other notes he’s left you in the apartment. You’re smiling all through your first cup of coffee, as you get ready to go in, as you get in your car that morning. You usually try not to text Borracho when you know he’s out on the job - you don’t wanna distract him, and there’s a chance the guys’ll see it and get on both your cases, but you decide to risk it that morning. You pull your phone out and text him, I love you

It’s a few minutes before you get back, Wanna go out tonight?   You raise a brow. Is this man up to something? 

Big plans? taking us on a tour of a hot sauce factory

I’m pretty sure you’re making fun of me and I don’t appreciate it. 

love you

Love you too --

It’s the usual crew at the office - though Borracho is noticeably absent. You don’t ask, is the thing, but Nick makes it a point to tell you that Borracho is out getting a statement from a witness. You nod a little bit and say, “...Okay,” Before turning back to your work. You swear up and down that you hear Henderson asking Conners if you bought that, but you try not to read into it. You’re sure you heard them wrong; if something was wrong with Borracho, they’d tell you. Besides, you’ve already talked to him today, you know he’s alright. But while you’re in the office, you notice the guys muttering to each other way more than usual. You can’t help but wonder if this is what they would’ve been like if you’d left your headphones out those first couple of weeks on the job. Headphones-- Your headphones, of course. The second you’ve got those suckers in, the guys’ll speak up at full volume. You open the desk drawer that you usually keep them in. Your jaw drops at the sight of another post-it. 

Looking for something? ;) -B You’d told Borracho that you found out about most of the pools because of your little headphone trick. But why the hell has he taken them today? You close your drawer, narrowing your eyes. Oh, something is definitely up. -- “Really, you haven’t seen him all day?” Isobel asks. You glance up from where you’re bouncing her son on your knee. You’ve stopped by after work; you’ve got a little time before you need to be home to get ready. “Nope,” You shrug, “He got called into work early, and-- I don’t know, Nick said he was out speaking to a witness. We texted a little, but he’s been pretty busy today. We’re going out later, though.” “Ooo,” Nadia coos from behind you, where she’s feeding Lissie, “Do you know where?” “No idea, he hasn’t told me… I mean, he joked about a hot sauce factory, but the ones around here don’t have late tours.” You may or may not have checked while you were at work. His sisters are snickering at you already; they’ve seen you at barbecues, they know about the hot sauce packets you keep in your purse. You smile, laughing a little yourself. “It’ll be nice to go out, though. We haven’t had, like, a date-date in a while,” You realize it as you say so. Honestly, you haven’t really thought much of it; it’s not like you mind spending the night in with Borracho, you’re never bored. “...You know, you’re the first girl Borracho brought home in a really long time?” Nadia says, lowering herself into the seat beside Isobel. You raise a brow. You haven’t heard this before. “Really? How long?” “Oof,” Isobel mutters, “Jeez, the last would’ve been-- What, Angela?” “Which one was Angela? Highlights or lip piercing?” Nadia asks. “Lip piercing.” “Like, almost four years-ish?” Nadia offers. “‘Lip piercing’?” You repeat, amused, “I think I’ve got more questions about who ‘highlights’ was-- And what my attribute would be if you were describing me to someone else.” -- “No wig tonight?” You glance back at Borracho, arching a brow as he leans in the doorway of the bathroom. The pink wig you’d worn to the club a long time ago has made a reappearance a few times since you’d started dating. “Not tonight, babe,” You chuckle before you lean forward to do your eyeliner. You lean away from the mirror once you're finished, putting the cap back on the liner. Borracho steps into the bathroom, smoothing his hands over your hips. He presses a kiss to your neck before he cuddles up against you. You giggle, tipping your head to the side. “Maybe next time,” You add.

“I ain’t picky,” Borracho mumbles. You turn in his arms. “Gimme a kiss before I put my lipstick on,” You order. Borracho smiles.

“You sayin’ you’re not gonna kiss me once it’s on?”

“Oh, I’m absolutely gonna. Kiss me anyway,” You retort. You lean up, pecking Borracho’s lips a few times. His smile widens with each until he catches your lips with his. He lifts a hand from your hip, sliding it over your back. You sigh, leaning into his chest and wrapping your arms around his waist. You aren’t sure what it is, but something feels different about tonight. It isn’t how Borracho watched you get ready; he does that often. But this just feels sweet - so deliciously soft and slow. You can’t put your finger on it - but you aren’t rushing to, either. You just revel in Borracho’s warmth and closeness. He hums softly, squeezing your hip gently before he lifts his head, pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“Finish getting ready, we’ll be late.”

“Or you could keep kissing me,” you mumble the argument against his chin. Borracho chuckles, cupping your chin and pecking your lips again.

“Later, sweetness.” -- “You don’t think we’re actually going to a hot sauce factory, right?” “No, of course not,�� You scoff. “...You checked whether or not there were any open, didn’t you.” “...Might’ve taken a look.” Boraccho laughs, raising your joined hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of yours. “Why?” You add, glancing over at him. “Couldn’t bear to break your heart like that.” --

The thing is, you guys had discussed it a few more times - the whole marriage thing. You’d never set a hard date, a deadline. You weren’t going to disappear if a ring wasn’t stuck on your finger within the next year or anything. But the last time you’d spoken about it seriously had been after Borracho had been shot. “I hated not being able to get back there and see you were alright for myself,” You’d admitted, “And-- Look, I love your family, but-- If anything like that ever happens again and they make me wait three fucking days to see you, Benny, I swear to god--” “I know,” He’d mumbled into your hair, “I know, and-- this is gonna sound shitty, but they were testing you, a little. I’ve had a couple of other girlfriends that saw me that way and couldn’t handle it. They wanted to see if you’d stick around.” You’d humphed, and snuggled deeper into his side. And he’d hesitated before saying, “If we were married, you would’ve been able to see me right away.” You’d glanced up at him and murmured, “I know.” “...Still think my sisters would kill us if we eloped?” “You know they would.” -- Beyond that, well, you hadn’t spoken about it much. At least, not with Borracho. You had with his sisters, looking back on it - about what kind of rings you liked (Megan and Isobel had each asked you if you liked theirs - Megan’s was a little too flashy for you; Isobel’s was close to what you liked in stone and size). You’d even tried Regina’s on (“For fun, honey, I’m curious,” She’d pressed you. It had been half a size too small). You didn’t think anything about it, though. You’d grown incredibly close with his family. “Aw, so sweet!” Nadia had cooed, seeing someone on tv propose to their girlfriend on the big screen at a football game, “Would you ever like something like that?” “Nah,” You’d wrinkled your nose, shaking your head, “So impersonal -- all those people staring at you. Plus-- Football?” The face you’d made had Nadia in stitches. 

-- 

The two of you have dinner at one of your favorite restaurants. Borracho’s hand is in yours nearly all night, holding it in the car, on the table, on the way in and out of the restaurant. After dinner, the two of you drive up to the Hollywood Bowl Overlook. He shuts off the car, and the two of you talk and make out lazily like a couple of teenagers. His hand smooths over your thighs and your stomach and your shoulder and your side; you tug at his hair and slide your hand under his collar and smooth your fingers over his tattoo. It’s like you were when you were getting ready - sweet, unhurried, soft. But you want to be home, and you want to take him apart at your leisure, without worrying about getting caught or being crammed uncomfortably in the front seat of the car, and you tell him as much. Borracho chuckles softly and slides his lips along yours in a half-kiss before murmuring, “Whatever you want, sweetness.” 

--

You cuddle up against him as you wait for him to unlock the front door, slipping your hands under his t-shirt and running your nails over his sides. He huffs and fumbles with the keys a little, and you hide your grin in his shoulder.

“Having some trouble there?” You tease, smoothing your palms over the same spots.

“You’re a menace, sweetness,” He mutters before opening the door. You slide your hands out from his shirt so that the two of you can make it inside without any further incident. The door gets shut and locked, the hall light flicked on, and you’re already reaching for him again. He cups your cheeks, sweeping his thumbs over your cheekbones.

“Hey,” He murmurs.

“Mm?”

“I’ve-- Been thinking,” He manages between kisses, even as you’re trying to nudge him back toward the bedroom.

“Uh-oh,” You tease before nipping at his lip. Borracho laughs, leaning away to look at you.

“Listen to me,” He murmurs after a moment. Your brow furrows a little, and his finger reaches up to smooth away the little wrinkle before he chases the touch with a kiss.

“How long have we been together, huh?”

“Almost two years,” You say, letting your hands settle on his shoulders.

“The guys...They started betting whether or not you’d be able to stick through the week,” He shakes his head, and you bite your lips, because you know that they did, those ridiculous idiots, “But you stuck through -- all week, all month, all year and you’re still here… The second I knew you’d stick around here, though, with me,” he squeezes your hips, “Was that night, after I’d been coordinating with the FBI. You came over, you stayed, and... And I knew I didn’t want you to go…”

Usually by now you’d cut in, make a joke, but there’s something different about the way Borracho is looking down at you. So you just listen, smooth your fingers over the fabric of his shirt because even now, you can’t keep still.

“And I know that sometimes my family can be a lot-- And so can work--” He’s talking about when he was shot and you both know it. Your stomach turns at the reminder and you lower your eyes. He cups your chin and lifts your eyes to his again, “But I can’t imagine waking up without you, or-- Or coming home without you here… And I know you were worried when I was hurt. I hate that you couldn’t see me right away, and I don’t ever want you to have to go through that again... I love you, sweetness, and I know you love me.”

“‘Course I love you, Benny,” You manage after a moment, eyes searching his. He smiles, nudging his nose against yours. You’re distracted, leaning up into the motion, and you don’t notice him reaching into his pocket.

You frown as he leans away, but that frown melts into shock as he sinks to one knee, small velvet box in hand.

He opens it.

“Will you marry me, sweetness?”

You don’t know if you’re supposed to look at him or the ring-- and then you realized you haven’t said anything, but you’re nodding and your eyes are tearing up. You manage to get out, “Of course I’ll marry you.”

And Borracho’s face splits into the widest grin. He pulls the ring out of the box and slips it onto your proffered left ring finger -- and then laughs as you tug him up from the floor. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and press your face into his neck. He’s holding onto you, too, tight and steady, and pressing kisses to your cheek, your ear, your head, your shoulder - anywhere you can reach.

You turn your head to meet his lips, curling close to him, and he finally lets you steer him back toward your room.

-- "Why did you take my headphones?” You ask later. Borracho has his head on your stomach. He’s been nuzzling contentedly for the last few minutes, dropping the odd kiss to your stomach or hip, touchy in your afterglow. “Didn’t want you listening in on the guys,” He murmurs, “Didn’t want them spoiling it.” “Why’d you have Nick tell me where you were?” “Did you ask him?” “No, he just came over and told me.” Borracho scoffs, shaking his head, “Told him to only tell you if he asked.” “The rest’a the guys weren’t all that subtle, either. Kept whispering.” “And that’s why I took your headphones.” You chuckle, sweeping his hair away from his forehead. “You know me too well, baby.” You lift your hand and eye the ring, unable to help the smile that grows on your face. Borracho turns his head, kissing your wrist. “You like it?” He asks. “I love it,” You swear, lowering your hand to stroke his cheek, “And I love you.” You’ve lost track of how many times the two of you have said it in the last couple of hours. You know that tomorrow morning, you’re going to have to start thinking about planning. You’re going to call your parents to give them the news. You’re going to be going over to Isobel’s for breakfast with the family, too, and you know you’re going to hear all about how long they’ve known about Borracho’s plan. And then the wedding planning, the ideas for the wedding that they’ve probably had for months, the fact that you’re gonna have four flower girls and three little ring bearers from Borracho’s nieces and nephews alone. You don’t have to worry about that for a few hours yet. All you care about is the man leaning up for another kiss, another two kisses, another three kisses. You curl your arms around his shoulders and squeeze his hips with your knees as he murmurs, “I love you, too, Mrs. Magalon,” Against your lips.

[ink-and-flame]

Kinktober Day 5: Nukklebust Productions Presents

Kinktober Day 5 Prompts: Kneeling ~ Triple penetration ~ Video (being recorded) Fandom: Original (Auchendale Archives) Tags: exophilia, m/f, slight f/f, orgy, triple penetration, kneeling, video recording, pornography, group sex, anal plug, sex toys, Pairing:GoblinM/HumanF, GoblinM/ElfF, HumanF/ElfF

[Authors Note: This is purely self indulgent smut that I have written for my own personal enjoyment and it is loosely based on a dream I had a few weeks ago. I was torn between putting this in Warcraft or not and I decided to put it in the Auchendale universe so I can use Ember since I kind of fell in love with her, which was unintentional since I made her on a whim. Vyzzie was borrowed from a friend with permission.]

The owners of The Scarlet Eclipse had some very firm rules on photography and video being taken in the club. The top rule was that in general it wasnt allowed. This was to help enforce privacy rules and ensure that the people who came to the club felt safe. The exception to the rule was, of course, pornography. The owners had a relationship with a few directors in the industry and allowed some of their rooms to be used for photo shoots and film shoots as long as nothing got out of hand and it was kept quiet. The location was never allowed to be revealed. 

There were limitations of course, no large productions, and only so many rooms could be rented out for this purpose. The club still needed to cater to its own clientele of course, and it opened up the opportunity for people to explore their own exhibitionist and voyeuristic fetishes. Once it became known, it was an open secret around the club. Privacy was still respected, but the owners invested in a remodel that turned a couple of the rooms into permanent filming areas. They could be accessed through a special door and from the outside and the area could be locked down if needed.

When not in use by professionals, the owners allowed club members to book the rooms for a fee and they would get a copy of the finished product for their own personal enjoyment. Some allowed their amateur films to be released online, most kept them private. VIP members of the club were allowed to use these areas for free with enough prior notice. As it was, there was a waiting list, and sometimes it could take a few months to gain access to one of the rooms, especially if you needed a specific one. 

The club owners had made it easy to check the availability of the rooms online, and there was a link to the waiting list. Anyone already on it could also check their place in the queue. Vyzzie had been checking every day for the last few weeks to see if his request had been bumped up in the queue. He had paid extra and used his friends VIP access to cut in line as much as he could. He was eager to do the scene and had been making preparations for almost two months now. The preparations had to be changed multiple times already as people had backed out and Vyz knew the longer it took the harder it would be to do.

Thankfully his friend had promised not to back out and had even suggested bringing someone along so she wasn’t the only female in the scene. It meant they could do much more with what they had left and the plans for the scene had begun to change. It was shaping up to be one of his better ideas, he just had to make sure the people still on board stayed on board. 

The idea had come about after a wild night with two chicks he didn’t really know well. He ended up getting kind of close to one of them and she had expressed a desire to have another threesome but with two guys instead. He knew someone that would be interested and it had been fun, but then they got to thinking, why not invite more people, and the idea developed into something that Vyz was quite eager for, as was his new friend Ember. 

Vyzzie had promised that he would only invite people she trusted, and Ember offered to bring her elf friend from the first time. It was shaping up to be quite a scene and once it was settled the negotiations began and everything was put in place with an understanding of what was expected of everyone. Simple color codes would be used instead of safe words so that everyone could be on the same page and no one got lost or confused.

When the day finally came Vyz could barely contain his excitement. He had gone over the details with Ember so many times that they both decided to share control of the situation. It also lead to copious amounts of sex between the two of them as every time they discussed it the conversation would inevitably arouse one or both of them. They had pretty much fucked on every surface in Vyzzie’s apartment, including his roommate's bed. That one he wasn’t particularly proud of when it was discovered and he had to do a lot of apologizing to make up for it. 

With Ember in tow and some luggage Vyz arrived at the club a few hours before the filming was going to start. This was pretty standard to give them time to set up, and get everyone ready. He was practically vibrating with excitement the goblin looking up at his human companion with mischievous violet eyes. 

“Ok, so it’s gonna be an hour before the others show up. I thought we could get everything set up and go over the negotiations one last time. Make sure nothin essential god missed.” Vyz opened the door to the main room and dropped off his bags before peeking into the equipment room off to the side. It housed all the recording equipment, back up servers, everything they needed but it was empty. “Ok looks like the crew ain’t here yet. S’fine, gives us a bit more time.”

Ember moved around the room checking things out and setting her luggage near the back wall and out of the way. She could change later. For now the room needed some work. The bed would be plenty large enough for all of them, not much else in the room would make it into the shot, but it was still worth it to spruce up the room and make it look nice. Despite what they were going to be doing, Ember wanted it to have a soft feeling and she began digging through the chests full of props and accessories to see how they could alter the look and feel of the room.

“Whatcha got there dollface?” Vyz had slipped up behind Ember, placing a hand on her ass and peering into the chest she was digging through. 

“I was hoping to find something to help the room look less plain and sterile. The bed is nice, its a good size. The furniture all matches and it looks ok. Has a bit of a hotel feel which might be on purpose, but I was kind of hoping for something a little different?” She looked at him and rolled her eyes when she felt him rubbing her ass. “You are getting awfully friendly there Vyzzie.”

“Yer my friend.” He quipped and pinched her. “Don’t worry. I remember. No attachments. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the benefits package.” Smirking he dug through the chest with a free hand, black claws catching on some fabric. “I trust your taste. I know we were only at your place once, but I liked it. Lots of lights, colors. Had that weird gothic rainbow vibe going. You got a unique style Em, that is for sure.”

“How about we change the lamps, throw up some lights on the wall, drape some fabric around and soften the whole room up a bit. Considering what we are going to be doing, it will be a really interesting contrast I think.” Ember pulled some sheer fabric from the chest and began draping it on the headboard.

“I like how you think. Let the room be soft, the actions hard.” Vyz helped change out the room decor to match her vision. It was getting close to when the others should start arriving. “Hey, uh.. Emmy? You know if you aren’t sure about this or need to change some stuff I will understand. You know that right?”

Ember laughed. “Emmy?” She stepped over to Vyz, running a hand through his dark blue hair. “Yeah Vyz. I know. I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I didn’t trust you.”

“I will make sure your boundaries ain’t crossed. I know ya got some hang ups and all that. Don’t want there to be any pressure in the moment to do anything you ain’t sure of. I know how it gets once a scene starts and ya get caught up in it. Don’t want that ta happen here.”

Ember nodded. “That is why I brought a precaution. I really don’t like anal, and I won’t be able to relax if I worry that it might happen, even accidentally. So I brought a plug with me to help. If something is already there that I am comfortable with, then nothing else can go in and I can relax. I know it sounds counter intuitive and it took me a long time to get to a point where I can even use it, but it actually helps and functions in a way that lets me maintain control over it.”

“Not weird, makes a lot of sense actually. You control its size, when you use it, and it prevents anyone you are with from just having an ‘oops’ moment or doin the whole ‘it's better to ask forgiveness than permission’ nonsense. I hear ya, I support it. Need any help or just some privacy?” 

“I can go put it in myself, wont take me too long I prepared myself for it but didn’t want to have it in all day. Give me a few minutes to get ready if you want to finish the room?”

“Sure, no problem, I can get it done.” Vyz went back to putting the finishing touches on the room when the crew arrived. 

They began setting up the cameras at the goblins' instruction and made sure all the equipment was well hidden so as to not ruin the scene. There would only be so many angles shot and the final product would time some time to edit and put together into something polished and finished, ready for release, but Vyz was fine with waiting. 

He had initially thought to hire a scene director, someone to keep everyone on track, but instead chose to work through the scenario with everyone, set a basic structure, and then just let things happen naturally. He wanted it to be real, visceral, and that wouldn't happen if there was a script or strict direction to follow. 

Ember came back into the room with nothing but a mask and some thigh high socks on. The masquerade mask was small, simple, and not too bulky. It would stay on easily, and leave her mouth and nose free. The thigh highs were a request from Vyz. The only other things she had on was special body make up that would hide her tattoos and dried down so it wouldn’t smear. She had practiced with it before, going through an intense sex scene to see how well it held up to sweat and other body fluids along with friction. It held up well enough that she was confident in being filmed. She knew her tattoos were recognizable enough that she just wasn’t willing to risk it since Vyz made it clear this wasn’t going to stay private.

The muscular goblin let out a low whistle when he saw Ember. The thigh high socks were perfect. A soft looking material, black, and they hugged her thighs in a way that made it clear they wouldn’t move. The mask was black with silver accents and it made her look elegant. “Damn, you sure do make a pretty picture there Em. So uh, when is Vela gonna arrive?”

“She should have already been here. I told her she needed to get here early to get ready. I hope everything is ok. Let me text her real fast.” Heading back to her bags to grab her phone Ember didn’t notice the door opening again.

The rest of the goblins arrived as a group. Vyz greeting his friends and acquaintances with a smile. “Glad ta see ya made it boys. Ember is in the back finishin up and we are just waitin on Velasara. I think you only met Ember though” Vyz commented to his friend. 

Coming back out Ember paused to see a room full of goblins standing around. All eyes were suddenly on her and never before had she felt more like prey. The moment passed quickly but it was hard to shake as a few sets of eyes lingered. 

“Here lemme introduce you. Ember you already know Krazz from the party. Those two are Riznik and Viznik, twins if it wasn’t obvious, and that is Zorblix.” Vyz finished the introductions.

“Just Blix.” 

Ember nodded and waved. “I would appreciate it if my name wasn’t used during filming, if it is all the same.”

“Sure thing, not a problem. Anyone else?” Vyz knew that both women would be in masks, but he wasn’t sure about anyone else.”

“I’m good with not using names. We all wearing masks or just the girls?” Krazz rolled his shoulders  and looked for a place to set down his bag. “I brought one with me just in case. No offence but I am not sure I want to be recognized.”

“We can just avoid names entirely if it helps. I can’t imagine there is gonna to be much talkin” Vyz chimed in, his accent sounding much thicker in comparison to his friend. 

“I don’t really give a shit either way. Not my first rodeo, so it is all fine with me.” Blix moved off to the back of the room and began stripping. 

There was a knock interrupting the conversation and the door slowly opened. “Hello? I am sorry I am late.” Vela stepped in looking a bit frazzled. “Sorry got caught up and it took me some time to get everything together. I hope I didn’t put us too far behind?” 

“Nah, yer good, we ain’t even started.” Vyz waved the lithe elf over and gestured to the back. “Go get ready and we can do a final run through and just make sure everyone is on the same page before we begin.” Vyz moved back to the recording room and spoke to the staff there, making sure that they would be ready to go as soon as the group finished their preparations. 

While Vyzzie was busy, the rest of the goblins stripped and got ready for the scene. The twins were engaged in a bout of rock paper scissors to decide who got which girl to start as they wanted some separation to start. Krazz slipped on his own mask, looking a bit like a corvid with the beak design. It was a little flashy for porn, but it went well with Ember's mask. He hoped that he would get a shot with the human at some point as he had been attracted to her since they met at a party Vyz had invited him to. 

Blix was busy strapping on his harness and cock ring. Fully prepared for taking over should the others struggle with any part of the scene. Of all of them he had the most experience performing for the camera,  he knew the best angles, how to position himself, and all the tricks needed to not blow his load too quickly. Considering how hot the girls were in this scene, those were some tricks he was going to have to utilize. 

Velasara came back looking an almost striking opposite of Ember. Her thigh highs were white with ruffles, her mask had white feathers and delicate gold filigree. She was taller than Ember with a lithe and delicate frame and soft features. Comparatively her body was a bit more slender when compared to Ember's more generous curves. The contrast made the pair enticing to look upon and the goblins in the room struggled to remain professional. 

Ember leaned up and tugged Vela down to whisper in a long ear. The tittering laugh from the elf filld the room as both women seemed quite amused about something. It made Vyz a little suspicious and he hoped that this wasn’t going to be something he needed to worry about later. 

“Ok, so here is the scene. I figure it will be easier if we don’t all start at first. I was thinking the girls could have a solo scene together or with one other person involved, then we can introduce some others, or if we are worried about time, then maybe we all just start? Opinions?” Vyz was looking around at the people gathered and realized how this looked. He hadn’t meant to only invite goblins, that was how it worked out. With all the cancellations and rescheduling, this was the group he ended up with and looking at it objectively, this would probably end up in a fetish category when released, even if there wasn’t a ton of kink involved. 

“Well are you looking to build a plot or not? Like do we want to have dialog, a wisp of a story, or just get to the fucking already?” Ember asked as she leaned into Vela

“Good question, uh, any thoughts, I know we ain’t got a ton of time. I booked us for the rest of the day, but gettin shots set up can eat into that, and we don’t really have a script. I kinda wanted this ta feel natural, a bit more amateur and spontaneous.” Vyz admitted.

“Eh, speaking as the one with experience here. Neither are going to work. It is too late to try and fudge a script and just jumpin in is going to get someone injured. I say let the girls warm each other up, that should also warm the rest of us up and get the mood set. I can tell first timers when I see em and there are some nervous faces in this group.” Blix walked up to Vyz and gestured to the setting. “Plus, with a setting like this, it just screams lesbian porno. So why not start that way? Then we transition into the spit roasting, the group sex, multiple penetration shots, all of that.” He shrugged and his eyes widened. “Oh, condoms? We doing condoms or creampies?”

“Creampies” Vyz interjected. “That is why this took so long. Everyone had to test clean and have alternative forms of birth control. We can switch to condoms if anyone is still uncomfortable with sloppy seconds or had some questionable interactions since getting tested.”

“Ok so it seems like we are ready. Vela, after you.” Ember gestured to the bed and smiled as her elvish friend climbed up on the bed. Ember followed staying on her hands and knees while Vela got situated. 

“What the fuck is that?” Blix blurted out and both girls fell into hysterical laughter. 

It took several moments for them to calm down enough for Ember to speak. “I have some hangups where anal sex is involved. I felt the only way I would be able to relax is to ensure that it couldn’t happen, even accidentally. Thus, an anal plug.”

“Ok, yeah, I get it, makes perfect sense. What I meant, was why is it flashing like a rave?”

Ember fell over laughing again and just shook her head, it took her a bit to compose herself. “Look, it is a thing with me. I never do anything even halfway normal. You see my  hair. My house look like a goth and a unicorn got into a fight. I like bright shiny things and honestly with the lights on it shouldn’t even be that noticeable or a distraction. I set it to slow strobe and match the lights hanging on the wall above the bed.”

“Ok, alright. One more question. Where did you get it and how much?” Blix was laughing and shrugging at the stares he was getting. “What? I wanna add one to my collection ok?”

“Let's talk after. I can give you all the details.” Ember slid up next to Vela and gave her friend a gentle kiss. 

Both women were clearly nervous to start and Vyz knew that the first several minutes of footage probably wouldn’t be used. Watching them slowly explore each other was a different kind of arousing entirely, and it was difficult not to get caught up in the moment and just be content with watching. The slide of their bodies together, the soft moans, the way the colors of their limited clothing contrasted, it was a truly beautiful sight. One that Vyz was loathe to interrupt, but knew he would have to if they were going to get to the point of the scene. 

The others held back waiting for Vyz to give the signal, It was hard not to be entranced, watching the women together. Especially once it was clear that they forgot where they were and were simply focused on the pleasure. Vyz held off a bit longer, watching with a slow smile as the women rocked slowly together at first, then sped up. The sound of their shared orgasm rang through the room snapping the goblins out of the spell they had been under. 

Ember lay next to Vela, her breathing slowing to normal as they nuzzled and kissed each other. Hands still exploring as they enjoyed the afterglow of their shared pleasure. Ember would have to remember this, maybe invite Vela over sometime to just see how things might work out between them. Up until this moment Ember was certain her elvish friend was straight, maybe that was not the case now and it was something worth exploring, only later. 

The bed shifted slightly as Vyz hopped up on the bed, crawling over to Ember and nipping her shoulder and neck. Pulling her gently and slowly to another part of the bed. The only way this would work was with a bit more space between the woman. Krazz was next on the bed, slipping up next to Vela and stroking over her sides and hip, his hands slipping up to her breast, fingertips teasing over her nipple. 

Riz and Blix joined Krazz by the elf, all of their touches light. Wanting to start slow, ease into it. Viz, was the last to join, slipping up next to Ember and Vyz, nuzzling at the human’s ample chest. Everything was slow to start, no one wanting to be the first to break the soft moment that had somehow been created. Vyz was the first to lose his battle with desire and pushed Ember onto her stomach, slipping a pillow under her hips and angling her face away from him. 

It was simply impossible to resist her, the scent of her, the sight of her, Vyzzie buried his face against her nether lips and pushed his tongue in, tasting her depths. Lips crooked up in a half smile at the sound of her moans suddenly being muffled. He didn’t have to look to know what had just happened and he was excited at how much Ember seemed to be enjoying it. Cutting his oral exploration short, Vyzzie lifted up and angled himself behind her, pushing his hard cock against her slick opening. She was so wet, so much wetter than he had expected and found it was far easier to slide in that usual. 

While the flashing light was a bit of a distraction, Vyz found it easier and easier to ignore the deeper he slid into Ember until he was balls deep and groaning. His claws dug into her skin as his control slipped for just a moment and he had to pause before thrusting. His ears twitched at the sounds coming from the other end of the bed and he risked a glance over at the elf. The sight was almost enough for him to lose it right there and he had to snap his gaze back down to Ember. 

Vela was up on her knees, Riding Riz, with Blix behind her, and Krazz standing with a firm grip on her head as he thrust into her mouth. Blix was still gently preparing her with some lube and a finger while he encouraged Riz with a quiet voice to keep a slow pace and to gently stimulate her clit. Blix knew that increasing the elfs pleasure was going to keep her relaxed and make penetration much easier. The extra lube helped as well and he wanted to make sure that she was fully ready before even attempting penetration. His experience was why he was the one handling preparing her and subsequently the one to be granted the pleasure of having her that way. 

Viz was careful, his hands resting on Ember’s head more than holding it as he thrust into her mouth. He was originally going to let her set the pace, and at first he did, but found that it just felt too good and he could not resist the urge to move his hips. He was focused, entirely on her and how it felt to be so far in her mouth and pushing into her throat. The feeling was unlike any other he had experienced, as this was his first time really trying anything with a human. He had a preference for orcish women, but now he wasn’t so sure that would be the case going forward. There was something softer, sweeter, more delicate about a human and he was eager to have his turn with the elf as well. 

Ember’s eyes rolled back in her head as Vyz snapped his hips forward hitting that spot so deep that only he ever seemed to hit just right. The feel of someone both in her throat and fucking her was becoming overwhelming. It was everything she had wanted from this experience and a little more. She could tell Viz was going easy on her, and she tried to encourage him when he began thrusting into her mouth. Closing her eyes she swallowed around him, letting her throat constrict around the head of his cock making him moan. It clearly worked to erode at his control as his hips snapped forward suddenly. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, his expression was one of slight concern. She just nodded, hoping he understood. 

It was pure heaven when Viz finally took the hint that she could handle it and threaded his fingers tighter in her hair, getting a good grip and tugging as he pushed his cock deeper into her throat. She was no longer giving him a blowjob, he was fucking her face, and her moans got louder and louder as she drew closer to release. The feel of her friend fucking her so hard and deep, his balls slapping against her clit as his sharp claws left little pinpricks of pain in her hips increased the sense of euphoria washing over her. Ember slipped into a more relaxed state, letting her body go slightly limp so that she could more easily be penetrated by both goblins. Soon her nose was pressed into the dark curls above Viz’s shaft as she felt his cock swell in her throat. A loud sharp moan from above her and the sudden heat in her throat let her know the goblin had reached climax.

Rope after rope of cum was pumped into her throat as Viz pulled out, some of his seed coating her mouth and lips, some hitting the mask as he fell back panting, clearly worried that he was choking her. With her airway free Ember could be better heard as she also reached climax almost the same time as Vyz did inside of her. The combined pleasure of dual penetration and stimulation was more than enough to send Ember over the edge hard. Vyz hunched over her back as he found his own release. 

Vela was on edge as well with Krazz thrusting more firmly into her mouth while Blix had slowly pushed inside of her. The feeling over all her holes being filled was one she had never thought she would enjoy and was now worried she would become addicted to. Somehow Riz and Blix found a Rhythm that kept almost constant stimulation within her, an almost overwhelming sensation as she was filled beyond anything she had ever experienced before. Surprisingly Vela was the first to reach release, easily, as Riz had continued stimulating her clit while she rode him. Since they were not closed to finished, the goblins did not stop and continued to fuck the elf right through her first orgasm. 

Blix helped Riz by taking over the clitoral stimulation so the other goblin could get a better grip on the elf to thrust deeper and faster up into her. Krazz kept his movements slow, despite wanting to just let go. He wanted to keep an eye on her to ensure that she remained ok, and he wanted to draw this out as much as possible. Vela was well on her way towards a second orgasm when Riz thrust up hard into her with a loud cry, his body shaking slightly as he emptied his seed inside of her. He could tell that Blix would probably be next and helped by reaching up and teasing Vela’s nipples to see if he could send the elf over the edge again.

Vela came almost at the same time as Blix who had snarled as he finally came, almost biting her and stopping himself at the last minute as he just pressed his forehead against her back and rode out his own pleasure while pumping his cum deep inside of her. The contractions of her body milking him for every drop he had as his grip on her remained tight. Krazz was the last to release, finally letting himself go and speeding up, pushing almost his full length into her throat with a loud cry. He almost fell over from the intense pleasure as he had unintentionally edged himself for the last bit of it. 

Carefully the goblins pulled out of their partners and all that could be heard was the sound of light panting and breathing normalizing. Vyz was the first one to speak. “Ok swap? Who wants to swap.”

Krazz raised his hand. “I call your position.” The others laughed at how quickly he responded. 

Blix shook his head. “I am good where I am if there are no complaints?” 

“Nah, I’m good, I’ll swap.” Riz offered. “Unless you want to stay with Ember Vyz?”

“That would put you and your brother on the same girl, that ok?”

“I don’t care, as long as our balls don’t touch it ain’t gay right?” Viz offered as a joke, he new that gay wasn’t the problem in that scenario, but it wouldn’t be the first time they had shared.

Ember lost it a little bit at that and then so did Vela. The boys had to wait for the giggling to die down before new positions could be achieved. Krazz rolled Ember onto her side, moving the pillow. 

“This ok?” He asked before positioning her leg up on his shoulder. 

Ember nodded and tilted her head up at Vyzzie. She had expected him to take a turn with Vela, and maybe he would, the night was young and there was no reason that they wouldn’t swap positions a few more times, especially with some of the ideas Vyz had shared with her during planning. He was smiling at her, stroking her hair away from her mask and carefully wiping the cum from it. Ember realized, from the look in his eyes that they might need to have a conversation later. It was clear an attachment might be forming and she just wasn’t ready for another relationship. Something she hoped wouldn’t ruin the friendship they already had. Glancing down she could see the eager look in Krazz’s eyes as he gazed down at her, positioning himself against her cum soaked folds. Ok, strike that, maybe a conversation with Vyz could happen after she got him and Krazz alone sometime and had them fuck her absolutely senseless. She had a feeling this was going to be a bit of a wild ride and while she still could she glanced over to see Vela being re positioned, clear glee on her friends face, even with the mask there was no missing that expression. 

The night was filled with the sounds of moans as the group quickly forgot the cameras and worked on trying as many different positions and combinations as they could before eventually collapsing in and exhausted heap and snuggling up together before the staff gently reminded them that closing time was less than an hour away. 

Overall, the experience had been one that wouldn’t be easily forgotten and new friends had been made from the most unlikely of scenarios. They all agreed that this was something they would like to try again, maybe with a script and more elaborate costumes, but that was a conversation for a later date when everyone was clean and well rested.

[thisonesforfanfic]

Light in the Dark (11/?)

Bucky x Reader

Word count: 1.3k

Summary: After allowing you to try helping him, Bucky left without a trace, not wanting to hurt you anymore

A/N: So, I really wanted a better picture to go with this one, but I couldn’t seem to find any that matched this part for me :/

The sheer feeling of recognition made him hesitate, when Bucky came to his senses you were already on the verge of blacking out, under his very own cold fingers. The strike aiming for your head was redirected to the wall, just a little to your left. The grip on your neck was almost immediately changed into a supporting hold on your back.

"Y/N? Please, please I- ...fuck... Talk to me Y/N" Salty tears streamed down his face, dripping over your limp body. The blood from the wall impact on his knuckle splattered on your already bruising neck, as he franticly checked for a pulse. ".....please wake up"

His words were no use, Bucky could still feel your heart beating, your eyes however remained shut as he took you to the corner and settled you in on the improvised bed, sitting across from you, holding your hand.

This took him back, not like he was remembering with you earlier, now it was every single Hydra mission he executed. The faces were no longer blurs, his targets no longer forgotten, all the blood on his hands had almost been topped off with yours, and he couldn't handle the idea of getting this close to it ever again.

----

The excruciating pain on the neck made it hard for you to even open your eyes at first. Trying to concentrate and healing it just enough to recollect your moves, you realized the silence surrounding you, all you could hear was breathing. Your breathing.

Your eyes burst open in panic, looking around for his familiar face, but Bucky is nowhere to be seen, you call out his name and nothing. He left.

Stumbling around the place, you searched for any sign of his things 'he just went to grab coffee, surely' , but there was nothing but a piece of paper where his backpack once was.

Your heart sank to your stomach as you realized what it truly was, with shaking hands you picked up the note as your eyes welled up

"Sorry"

---

It took you about a week to grow courage to tell Steve what happened.

"I can't believe he straight up left you like that" Steve's voice was more angry than sad for his friend dissaperance "he is just -" he changed the subject subtlely when he heard your sniffs quietly over the phone "Y/N, are you okay? I know it's like the tenth time i've asked you in the past 5 minutes... But I- oh... Okay, I'll be there in a minute" he distanced hismself from the phone as some muffled voices called out for him "Sorry. Y/N... I have an important mission to get to, I'm - Right! I'm sending Sam your way, okay?"

"You know- you don't have to Steve, I can fend for myself" you knew he didn't mean to portrait you as a damsel in distress or anything like that, but you weren't exactly eager to go out and meet someone, anywhere surrounded by God knows how many people. "plus, I don't want to put any of you in trouble"

"I know that, I just fear you'll kill Bucky if you find him on your own after what he just pulled" your soft laughter was taken as a yes "Okay, you remember his face, right? Where exactly should I tell him to meet you?"

"Just send him here to the central station, I'll find him" Berlin's central was huge, but the mainly glass structure made it quite easy for you to track someone while remaining incognito.

People didn't really care for others there, apart from the casual tourist stare. You sat on the floor, leaning against some shop wall with a backpack in between your legs. Since this was fairly common, people sitting on their suitcases, eyes glued to their phones, waiting for their train, you blended right in. It wasn't really comfortable being out in the open like this, but it was definitely the easiest place to hide in plain sight.

Sam didn't take long to show up after you took your place. However, it took you sometime to approach him, he could have been tailed, some precaution wouldn't hurt.

"You know, for a superhero, you definitely need to improve your stealth skills" your low voice made him jump before turning around and shaking his head at your chuckles

"I see what Steve meant by a very active sense of humor" he grinned and extended a hand to greet you

"Oh? Then I guess I'll have to live up to those expectations" you shook his hands and turned to the exit, Sam followed you out into the streets "and you better hope that leather jacket keeps you warm" your words ringed simultaneously with a cold breeze rushing through you as the doors opened.

The autumn chill kept the people on foot in the area to a minimum, apart from the occasional check, and some shivers, getting back to your safehouse was quite easy. You and Sam spent hours speculating possible locations Bucky could go to. 'Being seen as a tourist was also dreadful to him, he would want to go somewhere he spoke the language' though that didn't help a lot, Hydra had you learn pretty much every eastern European dialect.

"He wouldn't head to small towns either, even if all he wanted was peace and quiet, he'd stand out to locals way too much" Sam was focused on a large map opened on the floor, circling and crossing out the possibilities being discussed with a black sharpie.

"What about the places you've been already? Any chance of him going west?"

"I'd say they are quite low, as well as anywhere with a warmer weather at this time of year" your red pen striking notes of what you were saying on a tiny notebook "He wouldn't want to risk being recognized because of his arm"

"Well, that still leaves us basically with all the major cities on the north hemisphere" Sam let out a tired sigh

"At least we can cross out Spain, Portugal, France and Italy" you tried to sound cheerful with a weary smile on your face

"You are very optimistic, aren't you Y/N?" he started putting the maps away on his bag, neither of you had the energy to keep going today.

"Well, I did survived being captured, brainwashed, used as a massive destruction weapon, found 2 people - I assumed were long dead might I add- alive and well AND was basically given superpowers by an evil organization" You shrugged and laughed "I guess I have to be" his laugh was sweet and soothing, you hadn't realized how tense you were since Bucky had left.

Sam's presence was comforting, it was nice to be able to talk to someone who didn't see themselves as a bull and you as a china store. He had to stick around for a couple of days before heading back to the US, to compile all the information he could, then checking with a couple of contacts if they had anything. You offered the club as a place for him to stay if he wanted to lay low.

"As long as Tinman doesn't come bursting in on me while I'm here, I'm game" he smirked with his open arms, he reminded you of Bucky back in the war camp, a flirtatious hot mess.

You looked him up and down, as if checking him out, then placed one hand on your waist and looked down at the other.

"I don't think I'd need his help if you tried doing anything" you laughed through your cocky smile and Sam joined in

"Oh, that's how it is huh? I like you, you are cooler than Steve's other friends"

"I think you'd make apretty decent friend as well, birdman" you saw all the light fade from hiseyes as you called him that, and it made you crack up even louder than before,it took you a second to catch a breath "Okay, sorry... Let me show youwhere to keep your things then we can go grab some food"

#############

Thanks for reading!

[getlitaesthetic]

Hello, I'd like to request a match-up please! I’m a 5’3 girl. My personality type is INTP (though sometimes I highly doubt that), I am fairly introverted and don’t actually have many friends (probably because of my resting-bitch face and sarcastic personality), but when I’m with my close friends I am very loyal, protective and use my common sense to drag them out of whatever stupid mess they are in. (1/?)

I like being with smart and intellectual people, because we can talk about various subjects and exchange our philosophy, or even debate about them (and also because I can’t stand narrow-minded people). I like to read and watch movies, my favourite genre is fantasy, action, mystery, maybe romance and I usually try to drag my friends into reading/watching so we can end up discussing all the theories later. (2/?)

I also tried to write some stories, as my mind is full of ideas but they usually end up unfinished due to my procrastination (F to all the projects I only mentally started/abandoned half-way). I listen to Taylor Swift, and I especially admire her method of song-writing because she gives people a whole detailed story with only one song. I have been attracted to stories since a young age, since they let my imagination roam free and explore all the aspects of both real life and fantasy. (3/?)

My other interests are mythology, astrology and graphic design. I've been a fan of Greek mythology for a long time, and this is also why I love all Rick Riordan’s books. About astrology, although I’ve only been interested in this for a few months, I like the way they explain how different signs and planets affect our lives, and how everyone is unique on their own. I’ve also been in the Design department of some clubs at my school, and designing is also a way for me to express my creativity. (4/?

I low-key like to be better than people, but I don’t put much effort into doing so because I want to spend my energy on things I’m really passionate about. When working, my priority would be to get things done in the fastest and most effective way, but I only do so when I actually care about the job I’m doing (or when I’m being paid a reasonable amount). I would be very mad at myself if something that I pour all my dedication into turned out not to be the way I wanted. (5/5) Thank you!!

-----------------

I match you with: BARBATOS

Your wide variety of interests is what catches his attention, at first. His ability to look through dimensions, the past and future, makes him an expert in more things than you can possibly imagine. That’s how he catches you. While every other demon is either playing an angle or very directly trying to kill you, you find you can run off and hide in a little used room in the Demon King’s palace (preferably one with less blood, but you understand you have to be flexible) where Barbatos can visit and chat with you over his incredibly short breaks. You find you could talk with him for hours and never get bored. He has an answer for everything that comes to mind, and you two go back and forth whenever he is available. 

It isn’t long before he’s offering to let you stay in that spare room, as long as you’re quiet. You accept, because a horrifying palace where Barbatos is present is still endlessly safer than the House of Lamentation, where you sleep every night knowing any one of the seven demons would be happy to see you dead.

Soon enough, you’re reliant on him. He is your conversation, your protection, he slips your meals from the kitchen and makes sure you get to and from your room safely. But reliance on such a powerful creature is not safe either, you just fail to realize it.

This is when your dedication becomes important. He begins to give you tasks in order to prove you’re still worth his protection and time. You fulfill them, thankful to have a way to pull your weight. It is unfortunate that the fourth task he gives you is to bring back a rare flower from the deep forests. Terrified, you accept, with his assurance that he sees the future and you are perfectly safe. Demons, my love, are known liars. You bring back the flower (you couldn’t imagine living with yourself if you failed!), but you are grievously ill from the pollen, which is why he had not gone himself, and you ultimately perish 5 months into your exchange year. 

“Well, at least your follow through was adequate, even if your constitution was weak.”

[ryuukia]

[Translation] SolidS Drama Vol.5 “One faithful day, I saw you laughing under the starry sky” Track 1

Ryota passed me this CD and the following one, and since these 4 are therapeutic for me (translation-wise), I couldn’t refuse. Personally I wish I could start with drama 6, but I have to do things in order... Also many thanks to Ryota for proofing this for me.

Please don’t repost/retranslate/reuse my translations. Likes and reblogs are appreciated.

CD Cast:

Takamura Shiki (CV. Eguchi Takuya)

Okui Tsubasa (CV. Saito Souma)

Sera Rikka (CV. Hanae Natsuki)

Murase Dai (CV. Umehara Yuuichirou)

Haiduki Fumihiko (CV. Kowahara Yoshihisa)

Horimiya Eichi (CV. Nishiyama Koutarou)

Staff A (CV. Uenishi Teppei)

Staff B (CV. Hose Yuuichi)

Track 1: A different view from usual

-typing and click sounds are heard-

Shiki: Sigh. I think things will turn out well if I continue on with this.

-phone rings-

Shiki: Hm? -picks up- Haiduki. What is it? Yeah. Yeah. Ah, this one? As soon as I’m done with it, I’ll hand it to you. Wait a bit more. You know the most what exactly keeps me busy right now.

Shiki: Hmm…… You can’t make me give this up. No matter how much you ask, my answer will be the same. Let me stick with this project.

Shiki: I’m aware my other jobs are pressing me, I’ll do something about that.

Shiki: I won’t say something stupid like “Trust me” at this point, but we’re still in the same boat. Just this once, follow along with me, manager.

Shiki: Fine, if everything ends up well, I’ll send you all the alcohol you want, Fumi-chan. I’ll leave the rest to you.

-call ends-

Shiki: Alright. -goes back to work-

Staff A: Alright, this is okay for now. Let’s take a break.

-Rikka goes back to his seat and drinks some water-

Staff B: Sera-san, excuse me, I’ll be fixing your make-up. Hmm, aah, your skin’s in perfect condition as always. Do you have any secrets to share?

Rikka: Hmm, nothing in particular. If anything, I only try to sleep properly and have balanced meals. Though I can’t deny I have issues following these rules sometimes because of my jobs.

Staff B: Ooh, that really does sound difficult. Everyone seems so busy.

Rikka: This is nothing. Though it might seem easier to me right now because of my years of experience as a model. Our manager is also very attentive with us.

Staff B: If I’m not wrong, SolidS’ manager is… Haiduki-san, right? If I think about it, he’d look cool even as a talent.

Rikka: I’m sure he’d be happy to hear that. 

Staff B: That person is very considerate with the staff members on the set too. I also heard that he does his work fast and properly. When it comes to Solids, the schedule is extremely packed, but when you realize it’s him who will manage it, you get some sort of sense of relief.

Rikka: I’m glad to hear that. I’ll make sure to let him know.

Staff B: Please tell him we’re under his care from now on too. Oh, isn’t that person over there Murase-san?

Rikka: Eh? Dai? 

Staff B: Next to him is QUELL’s…

Rikka: Oh… It’s Eichi. Please excuse me for a bit.

Rikka: Dai! Eichi!

-both come over to Rikka-

Dai: Hello.

Eichi: Good job~! Ahh, Rikka-san! You look so pretty!

Rikka: Thank you for the compliment! But Eichi, didn’t you forget something important?

Eichi: Ah…

Rikka: I told you to drop the ‘-san���, only ‘Rikka’ is fine. I asked you that the other day. No formal speech.

Eichi: A..h…

Dai: You’re still on about that? You’ve been so concerned about that for a long time now...

Rikka: Indeed. Just like how Dai won’t drop the honorifics with Shiki, Eichi also doesn’t really seem to be able to relax around me. I don’t mind it, but I’d be happier if he was more frank with me.

Dai: The fact that I speak formally with Shiki is more of a habit. I used to be into swimming once, so something like casual talk with the seniors from the sports club was unlikely to happen. It’s not in my intention to keep a distance or to be more reserved with any of you, especially Shiki. 

Rikka: I can understand that.

Dai: Right.

Rikka: But although I’m about the same age as Shiki, you started to talk to me informally right from the beginning.

Dai: That’s... because you were glued to us almost instantly.

Rikka: So that’s what won you over, huh.

Eichi: In the meanwhile, my circumstances are similar to Dai-kun… err, I’m about the same. I used to be in a sports club once, then after I became an assistant director, it was all about that hierarchy in both industry and occupation-wise. It was a given that we had to be polite to those who were older and more experienced in the industry.

Rikka: Eichi, just follow Dai’s example. Make me an exception and drop the honorifics. Once you turn 20 years old, an age difference of 2-3 years is pretty much equal to nothing. You don’t need to treat me like a senior either. I’m usually ill at ease when people address me like that, it’s not my kind of thing. Okay?

Dai: You’re going to use the same tactic on Eichi, I see.

Rikka: Fufufu. Exactly.

Eichi: Err, uhh… alright… okay, then... Once again, you’re really pretty, Rikka.

Rikka: -laughs- Thank you once again.

Rikka: So, what’s up with you two here? You surprised me.

Eichi: I told Dai-kun the other day that Isse and Icchi would be having a photoshoot here, so he invited me to come and have a look.

Dai: I simply dragged him with me under the pretext of having a look in advance. I said it could make him feel less nervous.

Rikka: Now that I think about it, Eichi’s also some sort of manager for Issei and Ichiru. 

Eichi: Yes! Ah- I mean, yeah. I’m more of a substitute. They suddenly made their debut in the entertainment world through QUELL, and they know nothing about manners or rules when it comes to agreeing to things. So, in order for them not to be too nervous on set, I go and check on them to help keep their minds at peace or something like that, In my case, I may have been with them since our debut, but before that I was working as an assistant director, so I know how things work on the set.

Rikka: I see. They can count on you then.

Dai: It’s the same case as Shiki then. He has practically years of experience of working as a staff member.

Eichi: -laughs- If Icchi and Issei could think that way about me, I’d be happy. Though lately I’ve observed they started to get the gist of it. Both of them seem to have gotten used to the set and feel more in their element. I’m about 90% happy and proud of them, but also 10% a liiitle lonely.

Rikka: -laughs- You must feel like a parent whose children became independent. But indeed, both of them started to look a bit more relaxed. The other day Shu came to SolidS’ common room with a bunch of magazines only to boast about them.

Eichi: Shu was showing off his doting parent side and I didn’t know about it!

Dai: I think it took them about as much as it took me to get used to the set. I suppose it’s thanks to Eichi’s support and their own power, huh.

Eichi: If you could tell them that directly, I’m sure they’d be very happy.

Dai: If I were to tell them that, I’d end up talking about myself and that would be awkward.

Rikka: That sounds like a good idea! You can tell them about how you used to be bad with photoshoots, your dark history, your experiences, and a lot more, senpai.

Dai: Are you teasing me?

Rikka: You’re wrong, you’re wrong! I was only thinking that it would cheer both of them up.

Dai: Then when the time comes to discuss about myself with them, I’ll also add 2 or 3 things about you.

Rikka: Eh? What do you mean?

Dai: Things like how you hate to lose and how they should run out of your way if they ever catch you being angry.

Rikka: Eeeh? -laughs- How mean! You’ll scare them.

Dai: It’s only the truth.

Eichi: -laughs- Dai and Rikka are getting along really well.

Rikka: Right?

Dai: I've learned to stop holding back. And I'm only saying what I want to say. 

Rikka: Eh? You were being modest before?

Dai: It’s all in the past. You know about it, too, don’t you? We’re in the same boat.

Rikka: I guess so. I remember having a tough time trying to get closer to you.

Rikka: Ah, I apologize. You were also fixing my makeup, I should have been a little more quiet.

Staff B: -laughs- You don’t need to worry about that. I told you before, Sera-san. The make-up is almost untouched.

Eichi: Ah, right. During photoshoots the light is strong and it gets rather hot, so many people need to have it fixed.

Staff B: Exactly. That’s why I was asking if he had any secrets.

Eichi: I wanna know about them, too!

Dai: Even if he said something, it probably won’t work on anyone aside from him.

Rikka: -laughs awkwardly-

Staff A: The shooting will resume in 5 minutes! Everyone, get back to your positions!

Staff B: Ah, lastly, allow me to apply some lamé powder. -taps- And… this is it.

Rikka: Thank you very much.

Dai: Then I’ll head back. What about you, Eichi?

Eichi: Err, if it’s okay with you, may I watch the photoshoot?

Rikka: I suppose it should be okay.

Staff B: I think the members on the set would be alright with it. The studio is large enough, one or two more people wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Rikka: Let’s go ask the director. It’s a rare occasion, so I’ll introduce you to him.

Eichi: Thank you.

Dai: Good for you, Eichi. Sorry to disturb you during work.

Staff B: No, not at all. 

Dai: Then see you later. Rikka, good luck with the rest of your photoshoot.

Rikka: ‘Kay. See you later.

Staff B: Good job.

-Dai steps away-

Eichi: Thank you, Dai-kun!

Rikka: That’s right, Eichi! Do you have any plans for today? If you don’t, can we head back together after you watch the shooting? There’s something I want to talk to you about.

Eichi: Eh? With me?

Rikka: If you’re busy, you can just say so! I think the photoshoot will be over in about an hour or so, too.

Eichi: Ah, no! I don’t really have any plans for today, so it should be fine. I was actually wondering whether I should show up at the office or just head back.

Rikka: I’m glad to hear that. Thank you.

If you like my work and you want to support me, you can now buy me a coffee by clicking right [here]. I also started taking commissions, more details are right [here]. Thank you~

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Not a Baby! - USWNT Imagine

(Y/N) POV:

I woke up looking over to the other bed and seeing JJ still asleep. It was about five minutes before I was supposed to get up. I laid there thinking about the last year of my life. I signed with Orlando and had also gotten a call up to the national team. All at the young age of 19. I played in college for about a year before deciding that I wanted to go pro or as the rest of the team calls it. I pulled a Mal Pugh. I just wasn’t happy with playing in college. I liked the speed of playing pro and I even got a call up for how good I was.

I was happy playing in Orlando with Alex and the other girls. I felt at home there. It also doesn’t hurt to play with all the internationals like Marta and Alanna. 13-year-old me is out there screaming somewhere at the fact that I get to play with Marta. Playing with Alex has been huge for me as well. We connect really well on the field which probably helped me get the call up in the first place. I am not naïve to that fact.

I turned my head when the alarm went off and reached to turn it off. I stood up stretching out my arms out and stretching my back and legs.

“Julie” I tried waking the blonde who only groaned in response. “Come on. I don’t want us to be late for breakfast”

“You use the bathroom first anyways. Wake me when you come out.”

“Jokes on you. I’m already out” I joked as I headed for the bathroom. I heard JJ yell cute at me as I entered the bathroom.

I have gotten really close to a lot of the girls on the team. At first, it was only really Alex and Ash that I was close to due to playing together for club, but I made quick friends with a lot of the other girls on the team. Most of them refer to me as the baby due to being younger than the rest of them, even though I am only like two years younger than Mal.  It was super cute at first, but now it is annoying. Instead of being teammates, its more like I have a ton of moms who hover over my every move.

After taking a quick shower and changing into some comfortable clothes, I came out of the bathroom and picked up a pillow slamming it down on JJ.

“No” she groaned reaching for the pillow and then ultimately hitting me with one of her pillows. I chuckled at her actions.

“JJ come on. I don’t want to be late” she let out a huff and sat up glaring at me.

“I kind of want to punch you right now”

“Punch me and I’ll tell Becky” she rolled her eyes at me and stood moving towards the bathroom.

“I thought you said it was annoying that they baby you”

“It is, but it comes in handy sometimes” I heard her let out a laugh.

I picked up my phone and started scrolling through twitter liking some of the tweets. I had mostly NWSL related content on my timeline. Orlando is supposed to play Portland in two weeks and it is going to be one of the biggest games I have played in. I know how good they are, but I know how good we can be. I think we will win. Alex, Marta and I are connecting too good right now for us not to win. I liked a few more tweets about my player of the month nomination before locking my phone. I waited for what felt like hours before JJ came out the bathroom.

“You didn’t have to wait for me” she said smiling at me as she finished brushing her hair.

“Yes, I did. The last time I walked to breakfast by myself they all threw a fit” I said as I slipped on some shoes and walked out of the room with Julie.

“Oh I remember that” she laughed putting one hand on my shoulder “They were all worried you were going to get mugged between here and downstairs.

I rolled my eyes at her amusement and shrugged her hand off my shoulder. We entered the elevator and pressed the button to head downstairs.

“It really wasn’t that funny” I said crossing my arms in irritation. The midfielder laughed more at my irritation. When the doors opened, I stepped out and headed towards where the rest of the team was. As soon as I entered the room, I was engulfed in a hug by my Orlando teammate.

“How did you sleep little one?” Ash asked while having me wrapped in her arms. JJ continued walking moving to talk to crystal.

“Good” I said as Ash tightened her grip on me. “Ash I can’t breathe”

“Jesus let her go before you kill her” Kelley said moving to push Ashlyn away from me. The goalkeeper released me just as another arm was thrown around me. I turned to see Tobin standing there and guiding me towards the table where she placed me between Christen and Becky. A plate of food was put in front of me by Christen who gave me a smile.

“This is all unnecessary” I said feeling overwhelmed at having everything done for me. “I mean I could have found my own spot and made my own plate. I am 19 not 5”

“We are just being nice (Y/N). Take the help” Christen said taking a bit of her own food. I rolled my eyes before eating my food. They seemed to get everything I usually eat.

“Are you excited to play today?” Becky asked me. I let a grin spread over my face.

“Yeah I can’t believe I get to start” I said honestly. I wasn’t expecting to get the start and Jill made it very clear that she expects a lot from me. Most of the team tried to argue that she shouldn’t place a lot of pressure on me because they don’t want me to be stressed, but I know I can handle it. “I can’t wait to prove myself”

“We already believe in you” Alex said from across the table. I smiled at her and she shot me a little wink. I was by far the closest to her considering we play similar positions and on the same club team.  “Or atleast I believe in you”

“That makes me feel so much better” I said sarcastically shooting the forward a smile. She shook her head as all the others started saying they also believed in me. I rolled my eyes. “Guys. Thanks I appreciate it”

“You got this!” Kelley said giving me a thumbs up “Even if you do get nervous, we are out there with you. We got your back”

I smiled but felt nervousness settle in. I loved how supportive they were, but I didn’t like the pressure that it put on me. I can handle it don’t get me wrong, but the idea of disappointing any of them made my heart hurt.

-Skip to Game-

The game was getting ready to start. I was walking with Alex towards the field after doing the anthems and shaking the other team’s hands. Jill gave a whole speech about how much of a threat Canada was going to be and how important the game was. She kept looking at me which only increased my nerves. Everyone kept giving me supportive looks and I think I got hugs from everyone on the team and about five different supportive speeches from the girls.

“Hey” Alex said giving me a concerned look. “This is no different than if we were playing for Orlando”

“Yeah it’s only first place in World Cup qualifying tournament game” I joked running my fingers through my hair. “I’m fine. I promise”

She smiled at me giving me a quick hug before getting into position. The whistle blew and the game had started. For the first few minutes, it was a lot of figuring out the pace of the game and what the other team had planned strategically. There were a few close calls from both sides with both teams having good looks on goal. In the 27th minute, I got the ball and ran upfield getting past one of their defenders. I slotted the ball up to Alex who was able to finish it with ease. The forward grinned and ran jumping into my arms.

“That was an amazing ball” she exclaimed hugging me tightly. The rest of the team joined the hug all of them patting Alex on the head.

“An even better finish” I said grinning at the forward. She smiled as I sat her on the ground, and we walked back to midfield.

The first half finished with Christine Sinclair getting an equalizer in 42nd minute. So, not exactly how we wanted it to go. I sat in my seat drinking some water and listening to Jill give us instructions for the second half.

“(Y/N) don’t be afraid to go in on goal” she said looking at me. I must have had a deer in headlights look because she gave me a small smile as Kelley gave me a supportive shoulder squeeze. I nodded my head at her instructions before looking down and thinking about what I could do to change my game so we could score.

“You’re playing great” I looked up at Becky who smiled at me. “You’re doing good”

“Thanks” I said standing up and walking with her towards the tunnel. We all started discussing tactics as we made our way out of the tunnel to the field to start the second half.

Once the whistle blew to start the second half, I knew the air felt different. It felt more urgent that it had before as our passes and the overall play seemed to move faster. It worked in my favor because that was the kind of play I thrived on.

In the 67th minute, Alex received an incredible ball from Tobin after a Canada corner. She slotted it up to me as I ran on it. I ran towards the goal with two of Canada’s defenders running after me. I got in the box and chipped the shot over Labbe who went to ground. The ball sailed over her head and out of reach right into the back of the net. I ran throwing my arms in the air towards the sideline. I grinned turning just in time to catch a jumping Alex Morgan. Her body crashed into mine as the rest of the team collided with us.

“That was amazing!!” Kelley yelled giving me a huge smile.

“You did so good” Alex said taking my face in her hands as I was getting head pats from all the others.

“It was an amazing ball” I grinned

“Even better finish” she said letting go of me as we headed back to midfield. I smiled at the crowd throwing up a heart. I heard the echoes of my name around the stadium and took a moment to take it in. The game soon continued, and Canada started being more physical than before wanting the win. I understood their urgency but there was no way we would let them come back.

Things took a turn for the worse in the 86th minute, when two of their players crashed into me as soon as I received the ball from Christen. The foul happened next to our bench and I could already hear the protests from my teammates as I hit the ground. I felt a searing pain in my leg and side. I could faintly feel pain on my face and the wetness from blood indicating that my eyebrow had split open.

“Relax little one” Tobin said putting her hand on my shoulder to stop me from moving. My eyes were shut tight as I tried to keep it together from the pain.

“(Y/N)!” Christen said moving to my other side and rubbing circles on my back. I was close enough to the bench that the rest of my teammates had gotten as close as they could without being on the field. I turned my body towards the bench and heard a couple of gasps from my teammates.

“Move” one of the medical staff said to Tobin and Christen as he and his assistant started tending to me. I felt soft hands hold my face to stop me from moving and the staff tending to my eyebrow. I whimpered when one of them moved my leg to see how bad it was.

“Shhh It’s okay” Alex said rubbing circles on my cheek “Let them do their job”

“It’s okay Little one” Kelley said from next to her. “They’re fixing you”

“You’re done for today” one of them said as they lifted me up and placed me on my feet. They didn’t have the chance to help me walk off the field because Alex took me with Ash coming on the other side to help carry me to the sideline. I sat on the bench trying to fight back tears as the disappointment of being subbed out and the pain from my injuries set in.

Ash wrapped an arm around me letting me rest my head on her shoulder. Alex had taken my other side and taken my hand in hers gently rubbing circles to soothe me. The medical staff had finished cleaning my eyebrow and placed a bandage on it but had determined it was too bad for me to continue.

When the game was finished, we had won but I didn’t feel like celebrating. After doing all the things that were required of me to do, I headed for the locker room just trying to gather my stuff so that I could leave. I was standing by my stuff putting things away. I felt arms wrap around my shoulders and a face press into my back. To my complete surprise, it was Carli who was giving me comfort.

“I know you’re disappointed, but you had one hell of a game and we couldn’t have own without you.” She said giving me a small smile. I nodded my head and then turned back to putting my things away.

Everyone continued trying to comfort me and I started getting more and more annoyed. Finally, it was when they all attempted trying to carry me to the bus that I lost my cool.

“Enough!” I snapped causing them all to stop and stare at me. “I get it you’re trying to be nice, but I’m not a baby. I can do things myself. I can handle disappointment myself. I am grown adult. You are not my mothers and there is no need to keep treating me like a child”

I didn’t wait for reactions or responses as I headed for the bus. I climbed it and went all the way to the back and sat down by myself. I put my headphones on and pulled my hoodie up to indicate that I wasn’t in a talking mood. Despite all my repellents that I put in place, I still felt someone sit next to me. I groaned and turned my head slightly preparing for whoever tried to talk when I saw Alex. She wasn’t looking at me nor did she say anything. She had headphones on and was looking at her phone. I knew exactly what she was doing, and still couldn’t help but feel tears stinging my eyes. I leaned my head onto her shoulder and then felt her rest her head on mine.

The bus ride and walk back to my room was silent. I had to go see the medical staff for a few hours to determine if I had any major injuries. Once it was determined that I didn’t, I could leave. I headed back to my room that I shared with JJ and walked in to see everyone sitting there. I groaned prepared for more coddling when Christen held up a hand.

“We just wanted to say we are sorry.” She said giving me a sad look. “It was never our intention to make you feel smothered”

“Yeah I think we all got caught up in the excitement of having you hear that we didn’t really stop to consider how the way we treated you would have an effect.” Pinoe said scratching the back of her neck nervously

“You don’t have to apologize” I said leaning against the wall and crossing my arms. “I was out of line”

“You weren’t!” Ash said smiling at me. “We can be overbearing. We care a lot about you. We see the talent in you and we know what you are capable of and we want to help you reach your full potential.”

“We just need to figure out a way to do it without being so protective” Becky said standing up and giving me a hug. I accepted her hug and then turned to the rest of the team.

“To say we are sorry. We are having a movie night. We had bigger plans in place to celebrate your goal and the win and everything, but we realized that maybe you wouldn’t want to do that considering how your game ended” Kelley said excitement coming off of her

“Do I get to pick the movie?”

“Yes” Christen said giving a small nod. I walked towards her pulling her in for a hug which she immediately reciprocated. I immediately realized my mistake in hugging her as everyone immediately stood up wanting hugs. I groaned going down the line of people giving them hugs before it turned into a group hug.

The only one who didn’t attempt to give me a hug we Alyssa, Carli, and Alex. I grinned at Alex before diving for my bed which she was on and pulling her in for a hug.

“My cuddle buddy” I said as she rolled her eyes but ultimately let me settle down next to her. It was then a battle for who was getting to sit on the other side of me which Christen immediately claimed after threatening to tell on everyone for bringing in all sorts of junk food. I allowed myself to get comfortable between the two girls as Kelley and Ash both settled on the bed finding spots to lay in. Everyone else spread around the room as I said I wanted to watch She’s the man.

“Can you pick something else?” one of the girls asked

“No you said I could pick” I said resting my head on Alex’s shoulder.

“We did say that” Tobin said smiling clearly liking my movie choice.

“Okay everyone shut up” Kelley yelled as Pinoe turned the movie on.

“Still a baby” I heard Alex mumble and I immediately moved to protest before realized I was basically being cradled by her and Christen. I groaned slightly and gave the forward a small slap on the arm.

“You win this round Morgan.”

“shhh movie starting” she said as I rolled my eyes, I turned to lay my head on Christen’s shoulder sticking my tongue out at Alex as Christen wrapped into a hug.

I guess I can accept being the bay for one night.

A/N: This is a whole lot longer than I anticipated. Hopefully, you guys liked it!

[ssttitdramon]

The Road Trip to Florida

-IT X SSTTITD crossover-

Note: Here’s some actual crossover content, since my last post on a IT x SSTTITD crossover had very little to it and therefore, disappointing. Also, I’m placing them all in 1990, everyone is the same age as they are in their respective movies. 

(Just as I was finishing this up- I finally noticed Ramón’s car has a Florida license plate- which could mean nothing, he might’ve stolen borrowed/bought a car in Florida for all we know. But since I'm taking in all the Morales crumbs they’ve dropped, Ramón is Florida Man™)

Mike mentions wanting to go to Florida and Ramón is all oh? Let's go then?? 

This calls for a rooooad triiip (listen, I know. But for Mike’s sake, it's happening.)

Mike, Beverly, Eddie and Chuck are buzzing around with where to stop on the way

They pull out a map and start marking up places

Immediately, Richie demands they see Times Square, "ol girl, Liberty" and the Empire State Building

To add to that, Ruth and Bill want to walk through Broadway

Stella, Chuck and Stan also want to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art

"So a whole day in New York."

Obviously you can't have twelve kids pile inside Ramón's car for a trip down the country like that

So they put their money together and rent out a van- making sure they've still got enough for gas and food

They spent their day in New York for sure

Right away, Auggie has a strict no-New-York-hot-dogs rule

And Eddie uses up all of his hand sanitizer in "Bacteria City"

Stella and Mike have the day scheduled down to where the group can go to every place everyone wants to see and can enjoy without chaos

They could've easily split into smaller groups, but these small town kids wanted to take it all in together- even with Chuck and Richie wearing those ridiculous I ❤ NY shirts

Actually, the only time they split up is in the art museum- Stan wants to avoid portraits altogether and he's joined by Ruth, Mike, Bill, Ramón and Stella

Mike's snapping a whole bunch of pictures of everyone the whole day

At first, Ruth hides from the camera, somewhat insecure about the fading scar on her face, but both Beverly and Stella give her some reassurance and slowly boost her confidence enough to let herself into some group pictures

They buy lunch and eat in Central Park- losing Auggie and Ben for 5 minutes before finding them in deep conversation with a tourist from France

*cue Stan and Eddie pretending to be French tourists for the rest of the day- and no, of course they're not a part of that obnoxious groupe*

Chuck spots the Central Park Carousel and makes everyone get on

He almost falls off his horse and nobody lets him forget about it for the rest of the day

They crawl walk up and down the Brooklyn Bridge- Stan and Ben pretend to be harsh architecture critics

That day it seemed like every cyclist was destined to almost run over Richie, so Ramón becomes the designated lookout for the boy- quick to pull him out of the way of annoyed New Yorkers

Unfortunately, they couldn't fit riding the Coney Island Cyclone into their schedule

"We'll go on our way back"

That night they stop at a campsite since no one wanted to sleep inside the van

Except Ruth and Eddie, she's afraid of getting bit by a spider and Eddie just refuses to sleep outside

The rest of them take out sleeping bags and settle down next to the van as Mike starts a fire

Bill suckers Stella into letting him read one of her stories out loud

But only if he reads one of his too

They all listen in, becoming paranoid of the darkness that surrounds them

Eventually they loosen up, but they still make Ruth and Eddie promise they won't drive off without them in the middle of the night

"Well if I wake up and see Bigfoot walking around- I give you all 10 seconds to get in."

For the whole trip: Auggie, Ramón, and Ruth are the designated drivers

Beverly, Mike and Stella alternate on keeping track of the map and making sure they don't pass by marked places they want to stop by

At some point, Bill swears up and down he can drive too, but they shut him down after hearing he's got about two hours worth of driving experience

When given the chance, Stan sits up front on the lookout for birds and sticks blue tabs inside his book for every East Coast bird he manages to spot

He reads off the description of every blue tab bird to Auggie, Ramón, and Ruth- comfortable enough to ramble on and on about why he finds them appealing 

With everyone else, there are discussions about the government, aliens and milk before or after cereal…

"Guys, it's only 9 a.m. and you're alrea-"

"Hey I'm just saying, milk before cereal is absolutely barbaric. Back me up, Mike."

"Nah, I'm staying out of this one."

Their second destination is the Smithsonian’s National Zoo

“That lizard right there looks like your mom.”

"Funny, I was about to say it looked like you."

"Uh, why's the tiger staring at me like that."

"I don't know, Stan. Maybe she knows you got a B minus on the Government fi- oW OW OKAY SORRY"

Afterwards, they walk around D.C.

"They say you can see the whole monument reflected if you're at Lincoln's eyes, anyone else want to climb up there?"

"I’m fine with watching you four get arrested."

They trailed behind a random evening tour group

10 minutes in, they were asked to leave for being disruptive

“It’s not like we’re that interested in that giant dick sticking out anyway.”

They stop by a diner and they all eat “like I’ve never taken you anywhere.” (-Ramón)

Richie keeps stealing Ruth’s fries, only to flick them at Eddie

Which make the two start bickering and Ruth makes Stella sit in between the two boys

An old couple at a nearby table who have been watching the group in amusement and hear about their Florida plans- advise them to stop by the Luray Caverns the next day

Seeing that it was roughly two hours west of D.C.- they agree to it

That night they settle down at another campsite, this time Auggie makes the fire and he's damn proud of it

The next day they head to the Luray Caverns

Everyone's so mesmerized by it

Richie tries scaring Eddie, saying there are ghosts in small corners

Auggie, ever being the non-believing reasonable one, assures him there's no such thing in there with them

Chuck then joins Richie on a mission to scare Auggie and Eddie

Which didn't work and only ended up making Stella paranoid 

Once they’re out, they start the 7 hour drive to Spoonauger Falls 

Beverly has silently sworn off smoking while on the trip, so when she gets the occasional urge- Ben gives her gum while Stella keeps her mind busy talking about movies they've seen 

Richie unsuccessfully tries to start an argument about Star Wars with them

Everyone else take naps on each other’s shoulders, dig into the book/comics boxes brought in by Ben and Chuck, or peek over Bill's shoulder as he draws

They also play cards- Ramón and Beverly have the most winning hands

Chuck tries card tricks on Auggie and Eddie

Auggie pulled 8 of Hearts while Eddie pulled King of Clubs

Asks "Are these your cards?" after pulling a Joker and 6 of Spades

"Sure, Chucks."

A flat tire leaves them stranded in a long empty road surrounded by trees

"See, this is how we all get murdered by some hitchhiker.”

“Oh shut up, you’re not helping.”

“Yeah, I can see it in the papers now. Twelve fools murdered on a road trip!”

“Ruth, please tell me there’s a spare...”

“Of course there is, it’s in the back. I checked it myself before leaving.”

After pulling over, everyone gets out to check the damage, which was just a nail that had torn through the rubber

As Ramon, Auggie and Bill replace the tire- Stella spots a figure walking towards them in the distance

“Uh guys, there’s someone walking over here.”

“Maybe he’s checking if we need help.”

“What if it’s Chuck’s killer hitchhiker?”

“Yeah well, I don’t like the way he’s walking.” 

The person in question began to walk faster, their arm reaching to grab the stick poking from their back and pulling out what seemed to be an axe

“OH FUCK, WE GOTTA GO.”

They all scramble inside, nearly tripping over each other

As soon as the new wheel was secured in place, Bill rushed in carrying the jack and lug wrench as Auggie clumsily put away the flat tire in the back.

Luckily, Ramón sped off right before “Mr. Axe” got as close as 20 yards

They get to the falls at night, sleeping at a nearby campsite 

Everyone was still anxious over Mr. Axe so they agreed on someone keeping watch for an hour each until morning

Which failed as soon as Bill fell asleep on his time at 3 a.m.

In the morning they walk through the trail and splash each other when they get to the water 

Chuck manages to catch a spotted salamander and chases Stella and Ruth with it

Ben and Stan sit by the bank when a Carolina Wren lands by Stan’s hand

Mike manages to get a picture of the boy’s ecstatic face, eyeing down the curious bird that walked around him and flew off to a nearby branch, already harmonizing with other birds

Auggie gets completely soaked by Richie and Beverly

The three of them chase down Ramón for laughing too hard, so now you’ve got two completely soaked bois

From there to Florida, Ramón and Auggie sleep the entire way burrito-wrapped in towels

The next morning they get to Honeymoon Island State Park, an island recommended by Ramón himself- as it’s quite close to home 

Mike is the first to get out when they reach the beach, he’s got the biggest smile just feeling the sand under his feet and runs into the waves

[bagog]

Queen, Pawn, Rook

For my follower milestone giveaway, @sunwisecircles won the grand prize of a 10k story! THEN sunwisecircles gifted part of the story to @humblydefiant and it ended up being 14k so there’s that. You should probably read it on AO3 with chapter breaks and stuff.

But for the masochists, here it is:

++

Nighttime made the city seem like it made sense, even for just a little while. The buildings became grids of lights, the streets were glowing arteries. Everything was easily divvied up into light and dark: the shop windows, the car headlights, the skyscrapers. Even the people: walk the streets long enough one night and you get to see all kinds of people, but they could basically be divided into who was walking like they owned the night and who was walking like the night owned them.

At the same time, the darkness brought out a grime that the sun outshone. The steam seeping out of a manhole cover, the garbage pooling against the curb. Even the people—no matter how they walked—were all oily shadows passing from streetlight to streetlight, the sounds of the city their heartbeat.

I wasn’t one to talk, after all, I didn’t wake up, most days, until the sun went down, my cat stomping on my face to get herself fed. She reminded me I wasn’t alone, but she couldn’t do a very good job of it. Probably too much to expect from a cat, anyhow. I didn’t hate the city, not exactly. I just couldn’t decide if it was too small and suffocating or too big and… suffocating.

“Last call, Shepard.” Joker limped up to me behind the bar, holding my favorite whiskey. Well, second favorite. Had a hard time stomaching the really good stuff since he left. I held out two fingers and pushed my glass forward. Joker filled it with one finger and slid it back. “You’re walking home, right?”

“Course I am,” I was slurring and I knew it. Joker just nodded. I’d shut down the Normandy again, and I didn’t know which was bigger, my bar-tab or my headache.  Joker had the lights off and the door locked behind me almost as soon as I got to the street. I was alone, again. I had just eight blocks to walk before I got to my apartment, and it was starting to rain. I pulled up the collar on my coat and leveled my hat over my brow. Rain ruined the illusion of the night, smeared all the organized little boxes of light into one big bright blob as sheets of rain slid down the streets and alleys. He had always preferred the sound of rain on the city streets while I preferred the street sounding like itself.

A car pulled up to the curb behind me and the engine was turned off.   I was drunk, I was pitying myself, but it wasn’t hard to recognize I was being tailed. Unfortunately, knowing I was being tailed and being able to lose the tail were two separate things, tonight.

There was a squeal of tires and a jet-black car raced up to me, two big men getting out, one of them bagging my head and the other grabbing my arms behind my back, shoving me into the back of the car. I cussed out the men pushing me in, but they didn’t make a sound, and I quickly gave up.

My head was swimming and I couldn’t see, but I kept track of the turns as best as I could—left up 49th, right down Masonic Lodge Blvd… after a while it became clear where I was being taken.

The Cronos Manor. The Illusive Man.

++

By the time the bag was pulled off my head, I was sat across from the Illusive Man, separated by a heavy mahogany desk. The room was dimly lit, goons hiding in the corners, only visible from their glittering teeth, sneering at me from the dark. The Illusive Man sat casually in his desk chair, one leg crossed over the other, leaning back and enjoying a cigarette.

“I trust this isn’t a social visit.” No use in drawing this out. I didn’t know what a man like the Illusive Man would want with me and it was time to find out.

“On the contrary, Shepard. Last time I saw you was, what? Years ago.”

“I remember. First time in your lovely home, though. That crown moulding really is something,” I slurred.

“I have a job for you. One I think you’ll be interested in. I know you get sick of chasing around unfaithful spouses. How about a change of pace?”

“I’m a man of habit, what makes you think I’m looking for something new?”

“No need to play coy, Shepard. The job is simple,” said the Illusive Man, smoke curling from his mouth. “My daughter, Miranda, has been keeping strange company, lately.”

“Seems to me you’re in the business of strange company.” There was a model of the city on his desk: plans for future developments. One area in particular was highlighted, a new model building amidst the old city.

“Too true, and while it’s my business to immerse myself in the peculiarities and the dregs of our city, I’ve always kept a barrier between my work life and my family.” There was the hint of a smile in his voice. I flicked my eyes to the desk, where the folded newspaper concealed the barrel of his revolver. “Her latest excursions, I fear, are beginning to blur that line.”

“You’re hiring a private eye to spy on your own daughter,” I scoffed. “Can’t imagine why she’d ever want to get away.”

“You’ve heard enough about me to know that I am not a man to take chances where the things he cares about are concerned. My daughter’s choices are her own, having me as a father is a curse and a blessing.” In the light of the desk lamp, his eyes shimmered like two hematite points catching the light. “Find out who my daughter is spending her time with. Find out who I need to bless. Find out who I need to curse.”

He held my gaze, and with practiced fingers, removed a cigarette from its golden case and lit the tip with the glowing stub still between his lips.

“We never discussed my fee—“

“No, we didn’t. And we won’t. I’ll pay double your standard fee and throw in a little extra.” He leveled his eyes at me. “I know you’re on hard times.”

So much for out-pricing the old bastard. I’d never met her, but a dame like Miranda wouldn’t be easy to pin down. Daughters of rich men: always twice as crafty as their dads and better at covering up their messes with money. But unfortunately, he was right.

“Alright, I’ll do it. But first you’re going to be straight with me. Why me?”

He grinned like a tiger eyeing a meal.

“I need a man who won’t be… distracted on the job. And besides, I’ve always had an affinity for fixing broken things, Shepard.”

Some nerve. But I guess when you have five goons ready to pummel me into the ground and one of the biggest crime empires in the city behind you, you’ve earned the nerve.

++

‘Distracting’ was one word to describe Miranda Lawson. Tall, more curves than she had visible pores, dark hair left to hang free down past her shoulders. She looked nothing like her father, with warm eyes and a tall frame. The only thing she wore of her father’s was his domineering sneer, and in the way she moved you could see she had every ounce of her father’s intimidating presence.

She just hid it under the glitz and glam. In a word, she was perfect. Not my type, but watching her through the lens of my camera was like photographing an art exhibit. She didn’t have a bad angle, and she knew it, kept her back to the wall.

Tailing her had been hard for exactly that reason. Once or twice on the first day alone I could’ve sworn she made me. Hell, for all I knew, she had and was playing it that cool. I wouldn’t put it past her. This took more attention than my usual infidelity cases, would pay to lay off the booze for a while.

The money the Illusive Man was going to pay me could buy a lot of booze, or could be a catalyst to start a new life. But what was the point if he wasn’t here?

It was a hot, dark night when I finally tailed her to the Collector Club. Got to admit, the old man had good instincts about his daughter. The Collector Club was about the seediest club in the city: all shimmering gold and finery that attracted any mobster or crimeboss in 5 postal codes. Like moths hovering around an electric light, eating their steaks and laughing about ‘the business’. Had been a while since I’d set foot in the place—I’d been on the wrong end of too many of the regulars.

Miranda walked in like she owned the place, greeted at the door with a convivial “Miss Lawson!” by the doorman who took her coat. It wasn’t exactly strange to find a lady like Miranda at the Collector Club—half the patrons didn’t know the other half were organized crime—but Miranda didn’t seem like the kind to be fattening up at the same trough as some of the naïve patrons of the club.

Her week so far had been a standard socialite affair: one social engagement after another. Over to an expensive restaurant for lunch, off to some mansion on the west end for the afternoon, then over to some night-club or other before returning home at precisely midnight. She was punctual, meticulous, leaving on the hour for whatever she was doing. She was probably the sort of lady who had no trouble filling the silence when things got dull.

I couldn’t risk trailing her into the club, so it was time to wait. I hated stakeouts—plenty of time to get lonely, or drunk. It was almost 3am by the time Miranda walked out of the club, arm in arm with a man. This was uncharacteristic. He was dressed to the nines, black suit and black tie, and he led her to her car as the valet pulled up in it. Then he got in the backseat with her.

I tailed the car with my headlights off—drivers for VIPs like Miranda would be looking out for being followed. I seemed to track them all over the city, up one street and down another. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were leading me on. But finally, the car pulled up to the west side docks and came to a stop. The man from the club stepped out of the car—now dressed in a brown jacket and tan slacks—and leaned back into the window. For a kiss? For a final instruction? I only had my imagination to go on. He was off into the shadows in no time, and Miranda’s car peeled away. For a moment, I thought about following the man on foot, but I could barely tell where he’d gotten to, already.

Miranda got home, safe and sound, by the stroke of 4am. It still didn’t feel like there was a case here—nothing more than a little of the usual rich-girl escapades. But with the pressure the Illusive Man was putting on me, I’d need to get to the bottom of something. Maybe it was time to pull in a few favors.

++

The Collector Club was a glittering, three story monstrosity of a nightclub. All the glitz and glam the upper-crust could pour into one old building, looking like a gem in the dung heap of the rest of the block—boarded shop windows and crumbling brownstones.

At the same time, I knew—like anyone who submerged his hands in the filth of this city—that the Collector Club was the shadiest establishment in town. The doorman took my coat at the door, which only served to highlight how shabby I looked in the old tweed dinner jacket and the water-stained hat I wore.

Inside, the club had a soft glow to it—crystal chandeliers and gold fixtures hung over a rich mahogany carpet. It was thick under my shoes like red moss, and the tinkling of forks on plates along with the laughter and conversation of the patrons were muffled by a number of heavy curtains partitioning off the space into dark, intimate little islands where the city’s most successful mobsters dined like kings. Up above it all, at the top of a winding staircase with mother-of-pearl handrails, the window of the owner’s office looked out on the dining floor, the only vantage point that could see into every dark corner. The window was blocked, as it always had been when the job brought me here, by its own thick set of curtains.

No one knew who owned the club, other than by his moniker: “The Sovereign”. He maintained the club as neutral ground from all the underground business in the city. Reapers and Cerberus both walked up and down the makeshift aisles, the restaurant strangely segregated by the two most successful of the city’s gangs. The man himself was something of a recluse. I’d never met anyone who’d ever laid eyes on him.

But I wasn’t looking for the Sovereign tonight, but for someone a little closer to the pavement of the city’s secrets. And there she was, sitting as far from the Cerberus side of the room as possible and surrounded by a posse of muscleheads.

“Shepard,” she called out to me over the brim of her bourbon glass.

“Aria.” I was surprised she could tear her eyes away from the spectacle in front of her, kneeling on the table was one of the Collector Club’s famously limber dancers, performing in what looked like the scanty remnants of one of the clubs glittering chandeliers. Aria herself was dressed more modestly, a white tuxedo jacket and blue bow-tie, her hair pulled back away from her face and that shrewd look in her eyes. She didn’t smile often, and when she did, it was the smile of a shark.

“Have a seat,” she nodded and one of the meatheads stood up, freeing a spot near Aria. He walked over and pulled the curtain closed, shutting out the rest of the nightclub. “Have a drink. Have a look.”

“Mind if I smoke?” I asked, sitting down. The dancer was gyrating to her own music, and I was surprised Aria hadn’t sent her away.

“By all means,” she snapped and one of the thugs with whiskey eyes leaned over with a lighter, lighting the tip of my cigarette, his slender fingers making quick work of the mechanism. “I know you like them dark and dreamy,” Aria narrowed her eyes, the faintest hint of a smirk playing at her lips. She nodded to the thug who had just lit my cigarette, my eyes must have lingered on him just a moment too long. “I know you’ve always had a thing for brown eyes.”

“Didn’t expect to find you here,” I said, ignoring the call-out. “Doesn’t Omega have some business on south side, tonight?”

“Since I took over the Blue Suns, the Blood Pack, and the Eclipse, I’ve acquired interests all over the city.” She held her drink up to the dancers’ lips and let her take a sip, a bead of bourbon running down her chin. “Besides, Omega is undergoing renovations. Which you knew, or you wouldn’t be here. Tell me what it is you want, Shepard.”

“Funny you should mention Omega.” The Queen of Omega kept her eyes on the dancer, “I’m calling in that favor.” That got her attention.

“John Shepard, PI, calling in a favor I regret owing to you. What’s the matter, Shepard? Are you that broke or in that deep?”

“Just looking for some answers.”

“You’re not even the first private dick I’ve entertained this week,” she scoffed. “You’re all the same, in the end.”

That was a surprise.

“Who?”

“Is that your question, Shepard?”

“Do I only get one?” I tapped my cigarette over the ash tray and tried to size up the muscle. Three of them: the muscle mountain whose seat I took, Mr. Beautiful, and a wily looking man with a long moustache. “I would’ve thought our last meeting at Omega was worth a little more than one question.”

Aria grunted and took her time with the next drink. “An old friend of yours. Anderson. ‘David’ Anderson I think.”

“Anderson was here?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” I hadn’t seen Anderson in a long time, the idea that he’d been on a trail that led to Aria was unsettling. The only reason to seek Aria out is if you were looking for information you didn’t want the Reapers or Cerberus to know you were getting. “Is this the part where you ask me about Jacob, too?”

“Jacob who? What did Anderson want with him?”

“Jacob Taylor. A newcomer to the club. Everybody who bothers to walk through the door at the Collector Club is a body worth knowing, but nobody knew anything about Jacob before a few weeks ago.” She reached out a hand and motioned for the table-dancer to spin around. She immediately obliged.

“Some new-money upstart?”

“No. I would’ve heard about that. Same if he was a lieutenant rising in one of the city’s… inelegant mafias.” She scowled at the word. Despite being the Queen of Omega, the Reapers and Cerberus always managed to stay a step or two ahead of Aria. It galled her, but it was a rare day she’d let it show.

“So he’s not new-money and he’s not working for Cerberus—“

“Oh I wouldn’t say he’s completely free of the stink of the Illusive Man’s little operation.” She nodded and Mr. Beautiful stood up to check around the corner of the curtain. “He came in with Miranda Lawson, after all. But that’s who you’re really interested in, isn’t it, Shepard?”

“What makes you think that?”

Aria laughed: a cruel sound.

“Because that’s what Anderson was after, too. He didn’t want to admit it any more than you do, but you ex-cops are all the same.”

“Anderson used to say ‘there’s always a dame at the center of the trouble,’” I remembered aloud.

“And where else should they be? Good girls don’t rule the world, Shepard, and neither do the bad men. We just let them think they do.”

“What’s Miranda doing with—“

Suddenly, there was a crash on the other side of the curtain, the sound of a fist connecting with a jaw, then a man was hurtling through the curtain and bowled over Mr. Beautiful before the brute could react. Aria snapped and the dancer ran, the two other brutes reaching for the pieces inside their suit jackets. The laughing patrons at the nearest tables turned as well, drawing derringers from evening clutch purses and switch blades from tuxedo pants. They formed a wall around Aria.

I scrambled up from my seat and ducked under the curtain, just in time to see a man in tan slacks dashing through the befuddled crowd and out the door. I gave chase.

Out on the street, I had already lost him, but I picked a direction and started running. But I was too late.

++

I tailed Miranda again the next night on foot, sticking to the shadows as much as possible. I’d been sitting on the cold sidewalk waiting for what felt like hours when I heard it:

It was the click of another camera, coming from a dark corner.

I recognized that silhouette before I knew I recognized it. Ran like an army man, all right angles in the arms and legs, and booking it like the devil was chasing him. But it was no devil, just me, running before I realized I was running. It was a coin-flip which was burning more, my legs or my lungs. The man I was chasing didn’t seem to be slowing down, and for the first time since I got out of the force, I regretted swapping out my morning calisthenics for a finger of whiskey and a raw egg.

He ducked into an alley—he knew the streets as well as I did—making for the twisting labyrinth that was the electrical sub-station on Carter and Comanche. There was no time to pat myself on the back for keeping pace, the alley was so dark, I was chasing the sound of his shoes on the pavement. The clack-clack-clack of those pristine shoes in the darkness, then: a ruckus up ahead. Before I knew it my foot connected with an overturned crate, laid me flat on the stinking ground. My hands were scuffed and my knees would be bleeding under some torn slacks, but that wasn’t enough to make me quit. Up ahead, I saw the shape of him up ahead at the far end of the alley—standing stock still. Couldn’t tell if he was looking back at me or looking ahead, but god, my imagination ran away with me.

With a squeak of my shoes and a grunt, I took off after him again. He ran, too. Probably regretting stopping to check on me, always was a softie. I was close enough to grab at the corner of his coat—then he leapt left around the corner and let me careen into a fence I hadn’t seen coming. There was a single street lamp up ahead, but didn’t cast much light beyond the little circle on the ground, and Kaidan was running straight for it. I needed a different plan.

Slipping off my shoes, I gave chase again, hugging the wall and stepping silently. He stopped at the edge of the light, even as a silhouette, I could tell he was breathing hard, pulling at the air with his shoulders. It reminded me to control my own heavy breathing. Closed my coat, raised the collar around my face. Must’ve thought I’d stopped chasing him after that second crash. If I weren’t me, I’d have assumed I quit chasing, too. That was the John Shepard he knew.

Just as he turned to go on his way, I leapt out of the darkness, grabbing at his coat. He pivoted and we both tumbled into the light from the street lamp, struggled to get to our feet. And there he was, sure as the day, Kaidan Alenko, amber eyes ablaze.

“Kaidan,” I held up my hands, I wasn’t going to win this fight, I didn’t want to win this fight.

Pow. Quick as that, Kaidan laid a fist into my face, hard enough where I had to stagger backwards. But Kaidan wasn’t done with me, grabbed my lapels and shoved me against the streetlight post. Soon as I felt the smart in my cheek from his fist, Kaidan’s lips met mine. Pow. It was electric, our chests heaving from the run and the taste of whiskey on his tongue, my loose hat tumbled off my head and my arms pulled at Kaidan’s coat.

“John Shepard,” he breathed, pulling back. “You son of a bitch. I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again.” I leaned in for another kiss, just captured Kaidan’s lips, just caught the air of that cheap after-shave, then he was pulling away. “No, that was a mistake.” But I could see the look in his eyes, and I took his shoulders and kissed him again, nothing but the sounds of the street bearing witness to the least likely reunion.

“I missed you,” I whispered against his lips when we pulled away.

“Maybe you even did,” he pulled back, straightened his back and squared his shoulders. He was looking at me with that old Kaidan gaze that seemed to penetrate straight through my skin. “You look good.” He said, as if he was surprised.

“So do you.”

“Hm.” He reached into his jacket and removed a cigarette, lit a match on his thumbnail. I got out a cigarette myself, but couldn’t find my lighter as I patted my pockets. Kaidan hesitated a moment, then lit a second match, held it close to his body to keep it out of the draft up the street, I leaned in and lit the tip. I could smell his cologne. “Took me a second to realize it was you chasing me.”

“I knew it was you right away,” I puffed on the cigarette, tapped the ash into the air.

“And I didn’t think this case could get any…” He chose the next word like he was plucking a coal out of a fire. “Stranger.”

I almost said it, almost said ‘I wish every day to see you again.’ But I kept my cool, the cigarette helped, something to keep my mouth busy so it couldn’t go running off without me. Kaidan cut an impressive figure—blue suit, as always, but darker these days, keeping up with the fashion of the times. He stood straighter these days, too. Looked bigger, too, more muscle bulk under the linen shirt, thighs pulling the pleat of his slacks flat. I cleared my throat.

“What are you doing here?” The smoke was making me feel warmer, or maybe it was being this close to Kaidan again. “Who hired you? Why would you be following Miranda Lawson?”

Kaidan’s mouth turned into a hard line, his eyes squinting at me.

“What makes you think I’m in any mood to share anything with you, Shepard?”

“Simple,” I patted the notebook I’d been keeping in my coat. “I have information you want, you have information I want. We can help each other.”

He seemed to think for a long time, then finally nodded.

“You get to go first on that one.” He stooped to pick up my hat, set it back on my head, maybe he was even a little affectionate about how he did it. Maybe I was still light-headed from the chase and was filling my lungs with smoke instead of air.

“Fair’s fair, you’re not the one who got socked in the jaw.”

“You gonna lecture me about fair, Shepard?”

He had me dead to rights there, I winced and pulled a drag off the cigarette. You didn’t discuss your case with anyone, but Kaidan wasn’t just anyone.

“Tailing Miranda Lawson, same as you, I’ll bet,” I supplied, Kaidan nodded. “As for the rest of it, I think we better get off the street, don’t you?” Kaidan nodded again.

“We can go back to my office, Penny’ll be gone for the night, it’ll be just us.” I swallowed hard at that: so this is what it was like to be given a chance. He looked down at my shoeless feet, “We better find your shoes.”

We got my shoes and traced our way back to Kaidan’s car. The drive to his office didn’t take too long, and we sat in silence the whole time. It was like the bad-old-times all over again: penned in with a Kaidan who couldn’t stand being around me, when all I wanted was to be with him. Well, if that’s all I’d wanted, then maybe I wouldn’t have made so many bad choices.

We parked on the street, and it was a short walk to the little brownstone Kaidan maintained as an office. He took the stairs two at a time, and I trailed behind, already wishing I had another cigarette to keep me busy.

As we walked down the hall, I saw a lamp on inside, the letters on the door stood out in stark relief:

ALLIANCE PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS KAIDAN ALENKO * DAVID ANDERSON

Another name to make me freeze in my tracks. I hadn’t thought this through, I was crazy to have come here.

“Kaidan, wait.” I stopped stock still in the middle of the hallway. “I don’t think I’m ready to see him yet. I just… I’m sorry.”

“Well you won’t have to worry about that,” he said bluntly. He unlocked the office door and held it open. “Anderson’s dead. Body turned up in the river two nights ago. Haven’t had the heart to chip his name off the door just yet.”

My shoes might as well have been glued to the floor. I couldn’t speak, felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Kaidan’s face was hard, and he simply cocked his head indicating I should get in the office, already.

“What happened?” I finally managed to stutter out. Kaidan checked down the hall after I got into the office and closed the door behind me.

“Two weeks ago, we got this case—looking into Miranda Lawson. Got the job from a man named Henry Judge. He was evasive about why he wanted Miranda tracked down: not too old to be a jilted lover, but Miranda’s not the sort who needs the money, y’know?” He pulled the knot out of his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his dress shirt.

“What’d you find out on Judge?”

“Not much,” Kaidan shook his head. “Almost no paper trail on him, always surrounded by body-guards. Figured the name had to be an alias, but a scrubbed one. It was like he wasn’t even trying to hide that he was using a fake name with us. The whole thing felt wrong from the start. Anderson didn’t want to take the case, I didn’t either: the kind of woman Miranda Lawson is, plus all the cloak-and-dagger from Judge…”

“But?”

“But then Anderson heard from one of his contacts over at Omega. Something about Miranda Lawson meeting with a private party there before taking it to the Collector Club. Timing seemed too perfect to be a coincidence, so we started tailing her. Best as we could anyway.”

As Kaidan spoke, I’d been staring at Anderson’s desk. It was tidy, though not as tidy as Kaidan’s, and the desk was too big for what little Anderson kept on it. I could remember him buying it, just after his retirement from the force, sanding it down and re-varnishing it. Hauling it up all those stairs and into this office…

“And Anderson?”

Kaidan sighed.

“I was spending the night outside Omega, waiting to see if Miranda was going to show. Anderson was working another angle, trying to follow Judge a little bit. He was convinced that if we figure out the connection between the two, we crack a bigger case.”

“Sounds like Anderson, always trying to bite off more than he could chew.” There were little model planes lined up on the desk, little model planes that used to be on my desk, back when I still had a desk here.

“He didn’t show up the next day, didn’t call, didn’t leave a message, nothing. Next day, body washed up. Police confirmed it was Anderson.” His voice broke a little bit, a sound I hadn’t heard from Kaidan in a long time. He sniffed, drew another cigarette from his pocket and lit it, his hand was steady as ever, even as the glow of the cigarette showed how glassy his eyes had become at the memory. I didn’t think about it, just took his hand in mine.

“I wanna find the bastards who did this.”

“Me too,” Kaidan squeezed my hand—or was it my imagination—before pulling his free. He leaned back against his desk, letting the cigarette hang off his lip as he spoke. “Been photographing Miranda every night since, but I don’t think it was her that did Anderson in.”

“You think it’s someone connected to Judge?” Kaidan nodded. “Something doesn’t add up. Guy uses a fake name, doesn’t hide it, gives you nothing to work with… then kills Anderson but keeps you on retainer?”

“He’s either up to something or thinks he’s too powerful to get caught.” Kaidan scowled, pulled his hat off and threw it onto his desk chair, his coat soon following it. He slicked back his hair into a perfect coif and I tried not to stare at the way his chest pressed against the linen of his shirt. “And they’re right, too. What’s a small-time PI gonna do about it? Not a damn thing I can do except keep following the case and hoping something shows up.”

It was my turn to share, and I told him about the Illusive Man, the deal he’d struck… and the money.

“Working for Cerberus,” Kaidan spat.

“They black-bagged me, Kaidan!”

He didn’t seem entirely satisfied, but he let the subject drop. In the dim light of his desk lamp, I was transfixed with his forearms, the way he rolled his sleeves back to his elbows. Everything I missed was standing in front of me.

“It sounds like this Jacob Taylor might be a lead.”

He poured himself a drink and offered one to me.

“No, I’m quitting drinking. At least for this case.” Kaidan seemed to look at me with new eyes, and I continued. “We can work together at this, you can find out some dirt of Jacob and I’ll see what I can get about Miranda. See if we can get to the bottom of this. It’ll be like old times.”

“No it won’t,” Kaidan sighed. But his eyes were soft when I met his gaze.

It was more than I could have hoped for in years.

++

With Kaidan on the trail of Jacob Taylor, I was free to tail the lovely Miss Lawson again. Her limo made straight for the Collector Club, just like last night, but this time, before she could get out, she motioned to the driver and they peeled out of the valet parking awning. I was following at a distance in my car, trying to keep pace without them noticing me.

But the way they were driving, they were definitely trying to lose a tail. I turned the corner only to find the limo gone, and another car parked across the roadway. There was a big brute of a man standing in my way, and another coming up on the driver’s side. Damn, this was happening. Time to turn on the ol’ Shepard charm.

“Hello, boys.” I got socked in the jaw by the brute pulling me out of my car. The two of them dragged me between them up the dark street until I saw Miranda Lawson’s limo idling at the curb.

I was muscled into the back of the car and the door was shut with a decisive ‘click’. There she was: Miranda Lawson, decked out in a shimmering white evening gown and a white mink cloak draped over one arm, she had a champagne flute in one hand and a revolver in the other. I was sitting across from her in the limo, and big as the car was, I felt distinctly claustrophobic. Not Miranda, though. Cool as a cucumber, and at home: in her element.

“Not a very good private eye, are you?” She began, red lips against the champagne glass.

“Maybe just an unorthodox one.”

“Maybe.” She seemed to seriously consider it, “So let’s pretend this is just how you wanted it to go, Mister…?”

“Shepard. Just ‘Shepard’ will do, fine.”

“Alright Shepard, so you’ve got my attention. Now tell me why I shouldn’t have those big men outside beat you to a pulp and leave you in the gutter.” She kept her pistol leveled at me with a practiced and steady hand. Was probably a better shot than me, if I’m being honest.

“Because all I want is to ask you a few questions.”

“How about I ask a few questions, and then if I’m feeling charitable, I let you ask yours?” She leaned forward, now on the edge of her seat.

“Doubt I’ll get a better offer.”

“Who hired you to follow me?”

“Your father.”

Her eyes narrowed at this and she sat back, still keeping her eye and her barrel trained on me. It didn’t look entirely like she wasn’t expecting that answer. Those red lips parted just slightly, but she kept silent for a long moment.

“Interesting.” It was odd to see her off her game, if only for an instant. Something was wrong, it was as if she wanted to ask another question but something was keeping her quiet.

“Now what’s a lady like you doing in the Collector Club night after night?”

Her smile turned acidic once again.

“Not a crime to frequent a club.”

“You know what kind of club the Collector Club is, though, don’t you?”

She seemed to bristle at this, downing the rest of her champagne in one swig and setting the glass down.

“The question is, do you know what kind club the Collector is, Shepard.” She spat my name. “You can tell my father whatever you like about my activities. I’m not hiding anything. But you are going to leave me alone,” she brandished the gun, bringing it to eye level, “Or the next time we have a little chat like this, you’ll be spitting out your teeth, understand me, Shepard?” She motioned to the man outside the car and he opened the door.

“What if I tell him about Jacob Taylor.” It was a long shot, I had no idea what the relationship Miranda had with Jacob, but it was my only chance to stay in the car and get some actual information. Miranda held up her hand and the brute stopped, she reached out herself and slammed the car door.

“What do you know about Jacob Taylor?”

“Just enough to be dangerous.”

“Jacob isn’t any concern of yours. I wouldn’t go bringing him up to… my father,” her tone lingered on the word ‘father.’ “Be careful Mr. Shepard, the deeper you dig into my father’s world—into my world—the more likely you are to find something that isn’t worth all the money my father can pay you.”

“Sometimes that’s part of the job, Miss.”

“So it’s professionalism, then?” She scoffed. “Alright, then. As a professional courtesy, let me tell you a little something about the Collector Club—it’s neutral ground for a reason, and anything that tips that balance is liable to start a war. You don’t want to be in the middle of that.”

“And you do?”

“I can handle myself, not sure you can say the same.” She eyed me disdainfully.

“Why Miss Lawson,” I tried to smile, “I believe you just made a threat.”

“I don’t need to threaten you, Shepard. Just stating the facts. I like to attract the kind of attention that doesn’t involve dead bodies in my orbit. You’re working for a dangerous man.” Her eyes narrowed, just slightly, as if she had said too much. She opened the door and set her pistol down just as the brute reached in to haul me out of the car. Next thing I knew, the brute clocked be across the jaw and I fell against the car. He grabbed me by my shoulders to spin me around and laid another one across my cheek, the sound of meat slapping meat, and I staggered back. Miranda rolled down her window, her face a beautiful mask of a gloat. “Something to remember me by, Shepard.”

The window rolled up and the car drove away. The brute gave me one more dark look before turning and getting into his own car, trailing after the limo.

++

I didn’t get too far before the same black car pulled up from the other night. This just wasn’t shaping up to be my night.

“Let’s skip the black bag this time, fellas,” I said, holding up my hands and getting into the back of the car. Without the bag on my head, I could see the opulence of Cronos Manor as they led me down marbled hallways and up an ornate spiral staircase, till at last I came to the Illusive Man’s office.

“You know,” I wrenched my jacket sleeve out of the muscle man’s grip. “I was supposed to report in to you tomorrow morning, as is.”

“Yes, well,” the Illusive Man lit a cigarette from the dying butt of one in his other hand. “What is life without a little spontaneity?”

“Normal.”

“Nothing about the life I lead is ‘normal’, Shepard. As you know all too well, I’m sure.”

“What I know is that I don’t appreciate being dragged in here—again—like I’m someone who owes you money.” There was a little more irritation in my voice than I wished there would be. Truth is I was in over my head and the Illusive Man was Mr. Deep-End, with his daughter at the center of the whole case.

“Then hopefully you’ll accept my apologies and,” he reached into his drawer and removed an envelope full of bills, “A little gratuity.”

“Aw,” I regarded him with a half-smile. “If you were trying to butter me up, you coulda just bought me a nice steak sandwich.” It was something Kaidan said to me on our first date, I had no idea why it had popped into my head right now. Anything to have Kaidan in the room with me in some way.

“Priming the pump, Shepard. You’re a well of knowledge I intend to treat very delicately. Which is why I’m so alarmed to see your face bruised, your lip split.” He took a hearty drag on his coffin nail, maybe hoping I’d spill in the silence. “Tell me it was my men who did this and I’ll have them punished. I instructed them to bring you to me with the utmost care.”

“Little altercation from earlier,” I lied. “You know us drunk-types.”

“And I thought you’d been abstaining from drink since taking this case.”

“Doesn’t mean the drink doesn’t catch up with you, anyhow.”

He had piercing eyes and they were boring into me now.

“Tell me about my daughter, Shepard.”

“I’d have some photos for you if you’d given me any time to develop them before hauling me in.”

“I have a very good imagination.”

“Your daughter’s slippery.” I was stalling. What did I know about Miranda Lawson after following her for just a few days? I knew I couldn’t mention Jacob Taylor until I had some confirmation from Kaidan about what was going on there. I knew Miranda was hiding something from her father, but I was starting to wonder if I was on the right side of this.

“That’s why I’m paying you a substantial salary, Shepard.” Just the barest hint of impatience had crept into his voice.

“She’s a regular at the Collector Club. Got her own table, her own little clique.” I watched his eyes, “Based on you look on your face, it’s not your car that’s taking her.” I pulled a cigarette from my pocket and a match from my coat. “You want more than that, you need to give me more time.” I lit the cigarette and watched the Illusive Man through the smoke.

“Alright, Shepard.” He snapped his fingers and two of his goons grabbed my shoulders, “You’re going to find out who’s driving that car.”

“You’ve got business with the Collector Club, don’t you?” It was a hunch, and the Illusive Man’s face didn’t betray a thing, except one of his posse glanced for a moment at the model of the city on the desk. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for a socialite like Miranda Lawson to go to the Collector Club, except that she was the daughter of the Illusive Man. Still, it was supposed to be neutral ground, unless it wasn’t…

“Be careful,” he said, eyes gleaming. “You look like you’ve already taken quite the beating tonight. Get home safe, Shepard.”

The two goons spun me around and the men who had crushed into the office behind me slowly parted to allow the goons to haul me out.

I recognized the man in the corner from Kaidan’s photos: it was Jacob Taylor!

++

Took me a long time getting back to my apartment that night. I almost drew my gun when I found the door unlocked, but I could smell that familiar cologne…

“Jesus, Shepard,” Kaidan exclaimed when I came in, gingerly touching the puffy area around my eye where Miranda’s boys had socked me. “You turned on the Ol’ Shepard Charm this time, didn’t you?”

“Got me some information—Ah!” I winced when he pushed a little harder. “How’d you get into my place, anyway? You pick the lock?”

“I, uh,” Kaidan walked to the freezer, wrapped some ice-cubes in one of my grungy dish-towels. “I still have the key you gave me.” I smiled and it hurt my jaw, but I had it back under control by the time Kaidan turned back. It was probably healthiest to assume he held onto my key because he was a good snoop, and wouldn’t give up something like that just because we’d broken up. “What happened to you, anyway?”

“Miranda’s goons caught me tailing her.” I leaned my face into the towel Kaidan placed against my eye, and he lifted one of my hands to press it against my socket. “Got a chance to talk to her. She played it cool, but she seemed rattled about something. When she found out I was working for her father, she got real quiet.”

“You’d figure she’d expect her father to be keeping eyes on her.”

“Maybe she’s just surprised he hired outside help to be his eyes and ears.” Kaidan loosened his tie, unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. He smoothed a hand over his hair, perfectly coifed despite being under a hat all day. God, he looked gorgeous.

“I’ve been wondering about that, actually. Said he hired me because I don’t go for the ladies. But that can’t be it. Best I can figure, he needs someone outside his organization.”

“How’s that?”

“Cerberus is all built on loyalty—makes sense that if the Illusive Man is hiring me, he thinks the loyalty of his outfit is questionable.”

“Could just be that Miranda would recognize one of his usual goons.”

“Sure, sure,” I watched as Kaidan adjusted his suspenders, the way they pulled tight over his chest. “But he’s got boys that know how to be invisible as well as I do. He’s got cops in his pocket—more people than even Miranda knows about. It makes sense that if he thinks Miranda could turn anyone loyal to ‘the family’, he’d look for outside help. Someone who’s loyal only to the money. Someone who needs it. Someone who’s desperate for a paycheck.”

“You.”

“Yeah,” I swallowed. “Me.”

“Well, if he’s worried about loyalty, I think I might have found his leak.” Kaidan leaned back against my kitchen counter—covered in pots and pans, a few bills, a bowl and a whiskey glass. My apartment was tiny, one room, bedroom and kitchen sort of blended together. “Tailing Jacob Taylor, found him down by the docks. He’s working for the Reapers, Shepard.”

“I saw him in the Illusive Man’s office!”

Kaidan nodded.

“I tailed him for 12 hours. Man barely sleeps, you’d like him.”

“I sleep.”

Kaidan pointed to the mattress against the corner of the room, covered in papers and clothes.

“When was the last time you slept in that?” In truth, it had been more than a few weeks. I usually ended up crashing in the chair, tossing whatever was on it onto the bed. I felt a little embarrassed, especially remembering Kaidan’s apartment, spick and span. His big bed…

“You got me there. So how do you know Taylor is working for the Reapers.”

“I recognize enough of their outfit. Doesn’t seem like he reports to any of the usual group, though. So either he’s high-ranking… in which case Aria would’ve known about him when you talked to her the other night.”

“Or he’s special, for some reason.” I pulled the ice off my face and set it down. “A mole.” Kaidan nodded.

“Question is: who is he really working for and who is he double-crossing?”

“Maybe he’s only loyal to Miranda.”

“So it all comes back to her, what’s she playing at?”

I wiggled my jaw, it was finally starting to feel better.

“Miranda said something about the Collector Club and the balance of power in the city.”

“Maybe she’s involved with whoever owns the place.”

I shook my head, “We’re not going to figure it out without doing some more research. I feel like the Collector Club is at the center of this thing. The Illusive Man bristled when I brought it up.”

“Alright, I’ll start looking into that tomorrow. Mean-time, you should get an actual night’s rest” Kaidan picked up his coat and set his hat on his head. “I should get going.”

“Or you could stay.” It slipped out before I knew what I was doing. I didn’t want to beat around the bush with Kaidan, not anymore. Not again.

“Where would I sleep?” Kaidan asked, voice annoyed, but with a coy note.

“With me.” I hauled myself up and pressed my lips to Kaidan’s. I could taste the lingering whiskey on Kaidan’s tongue, the first drop I’d had in a while, and I fell off the wagon. I put my hand on his face, rough stubble under my fingers, like he hadn’t shaved today—up all night stalking after a lead. It got me hot under the collar, thinking about my man out there on the job.

‘My man’? Where did that come from? I didn’t have time to think about it, because Kaidan backed me against the table, his hands on my hips, half pulling me back, half pulling my shirt out from where it was tucked into my slacks. His kisses were as rough as his chin, and every time I thought he might be pulling me away, I pressed forward.

“Shepard,” he muttered between our lips. I must have looked like a wet puppy when he finally pulled away, because he stopped for a moment and cradled my face in his hand. “I need to know what this is.”

“What do you mean?” I pushed our hips together, my hand covering his on my cheek.

“I want you, Shepard. I’m not going to pretend I don’t want this.” At this, his other hand trailed down my body between my thighs where I could feel he was hard as I was. “If this is a one-night thing, though, I want to know that now. I can live with one last mistake.”

I winced, and not from the gentle pressure he put against my aching face.

“Was it always a mistake?”

“You’re not answering my question.” He backed one step backward.

“Answer mine.” I stepped forward.

“…No. It wasn’t always a mistake.”

“Then tonight’s not, either. I don’t… I don’t want a one night stand with you, Kaidan. I still… I still…” I couldn’t finish, and Kaidan pressed forward, kissing me deep, again, pushing my jacket off my shoulders in a way where he savored the feel of my arms, reaching for him.

We tumbled back towards the bed, his lips on mine, the scent of him all around me. I did love him, that night. I’d always loved him. The idea that no matter how much I had fucked up his life, he might still feel that way about me made me dizzier than any bottle I’d ever drained.

I put that thought out of my head. Concentrated only on the line of soft hair down Kaidan’s chest as he raced to unbutton his shirt, the way his slacks tented, and the hungry look in his eyes.

++

I had memories at Omega, and none of them very good. Most of them not even complete. It was a gaudy, seedy club in all the ways the Collector Club tried to hide. There was a kind of carnal energy in the air and enough dark corners to hide any sin. I knew one or two of those dark corners intimately. The club was like one big black-out: lost time, a forgotten memory. When you left Omega, you left a piece of yourself behind, and it was a piece you probably shouldn’t go back and visit.

It was fitting, then, that the VIP lounge was called ‘After Life’. Black velvet and black leather, lights dim enough to reduce the dancers to naked silhouettes. There was a bouncer outside the After Life door. He held up a hand as I approached.

“Password.”

“Oleg’s Head.”

He narrowed his eyes but stepped aside and opened the door for me. The band was playing something low tempo and dark, the dancers gyrating in time with the music. I didn’t have time for any of it, pointed myself for the raised dais on one end of the room. Aria’s couch.

“Aria,” I walked past her goon-squad without making eye contact, keeping my gaze fixed on the Queen of Omega. If I was going to get the answers I needed, I needed to come in strong. “Glad to see you back in your own environs.”

I felt a gun pressed to my back—one of her goons—but she waved him back.

“Back again, Shepard. It’s dangerous, bothering me like this.”

“Never did get my favor last time.”

“And you think I owe you a favor, still? Please!”

“Never did cash in my favor from the whole ‘Patriarch’ business…” Her main goon, Terry or something, whipped his head to look at her. Aria only grit her teeth and beckoned me to sit down on the sofa next to her.

“I’m a woman of my word,” she cleared her throat and made a sign with her hand. Immediately, the band struck up a brassy, loud song. It was immediately apparent that nobody in the club was going to be able to hear anyone who was more than a few inches away. The goons dispersed, eyes scanning the crowd for anyone who might be listening. “I must admit, I didn’t think this day would come.”

“Trust me, me neither.”

“Who do you need dead, Shepard?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then you’re wasting your favor.” Her eyes narrowed at me. “Is this about that Jacob Taylor fellow again? Please tell me your interest in him isn’t personal. It was pathetic enough watching you heartbroken the first time.”

“Not Jacob Taylor,” I wasn’t going to take her bait. I had to stay in control of this conversation. “The Collector Club.” That seemed to grab her attention, she grinned in a way that reminded me of a shark.

“Shepard, Shepard, Shepard,” she tutted. “Look how far you’ve come, from leaving the force and drinking yourself into a stupor right here in my bar, then trying to drink your way out of it when the man who resigned for you decided he’d had enough of your bullshit. And now here you are knocking on the doors of power. That mentor of yours—what’s his name—would be proud of you. I heard he’s dead.”

“Who owns the Collector Club, Aria?” I managed through grit teeth.

“Why?”

“That’s my business.”

“He has a number of aliases,” Aria eased back into her couch, regarded her club with a queenly demeanor. “Francis Wynn, Donovan Hock, Henry Judge—“

“Henry Judge?” I muttered, so Miranda had been telling the truth.

“That’s right.” She raised an eyebrow. “You know him?”

“Not me, but… he’s a friend of a friend.”

“I sincerely doubt that. The man doesn’t make friends. But his real name, and the name on the lease of the Collector Club, is Henry Lawson.”

“Lawson?”

Aria laughed.

“Nevermind, Shepard, I like this favor. Starting to put any pieces together, yet?”

“He’s Miranda Lawson’s father? She’s adopted.”

“So it would seem.”

++

We met back at Kaidan’s office, he looked more flustered than I was used to seeing him, especially after I told him the information I’d gotten out of Aria.

“I went around to Judge’s place, caught his housekeeper as she was leaving for the night, managed to buy her a coffee and talk to her a little bit about what’s been happening in the Judge household. She told me about this young woman who’s been hanging around. I guess that must be Miranda. Apparently, she tracked down her father a few years ago, and has become more and more involved in his life over time.”

“Trying to reunite with her biological father,” I mused. “I can certainly see why she would want to hide that from the Illusive Man, but the level of cloak and dagger here seems like it’s a little beyond just standard caution.”

“We haven’t even touched on how the Illusive Man came to adopt her in the first place.” Kaidan leaned against his desk, knuckles down.

“Still,” I took one of his arms. He was tense, very tense. “It explains why Miranda was so flustered when I brought up that I was working for her father. She didn’t know which father I was talking about.”

“So she doesn’t know about me, yet, then.”

“You always were a better sleuth than me…” It made me feel proud to say, surprisingly. But it also made a part of me I couldn’t identify yet go cold.

“No one finds a missing person like you, Shepard.” Kaidan pushed himself up off the desk and bumped his shoulder against mine. “Anderson and I always get—got—these infidelity cases. I’ve gotten pretty used to moving in the shadows. Except you caught me that one night.”

“I’m glad I did,” I smiled. Kaidan smiled back at me.

“Me too.”

I leaned in and so did he, but just before our lips could touch, he flinched back.

“We’re working, we shouldn’t.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“So every night, she gets out of the house, takes her limo to god-knows-where, pays off the driver for the night, and gets in another car sent to her by Lawson. Takes her to the Collector Club.”

“I think it’s time we confront Jacob Taylor.”

++

Kaidan had already tailed Jacob to what he suspected was his apartment, so after the sun went down we drove over.

“Now I guess we wait,” Kaidan concluded, turning the car off. We were quiet for a long time, the car slowly growing colder in the chill of the night.

“On a stakeout with you,” I finally broke the silence, “I missed this.”

Kaidan turned to look at me, I could just see his eyes in the headlights of a passing car.

“Just… sitting here in silence, waiting for some thug to show his face? You miss that?”

“Yeah.” I missed Kaidan however I could get him but there was something about being on a job with him that always made me feel like I was right where I was supposed to be. Something safe about it. I couldn’t put it that way to Kaidan, though, not with how rocky things still were between us. I still wasn’t sure if the other night was a one-time affair… “I never feel like I need to say anything when you’re around. It’s a comfortable silence.”

“Not like with Anderson,” Kaidan chuckled, but didn’t contradict me. “Always had a story to tell when we were on a stakeout. I swear we almost missed our mark once because he was so into this story he was telling.”

“Yeah, Anderson.”

I shivered, wished I’d worn my trench coat. The mood in the car fell, and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

“He was proud of you, even at the end,” Kaidan said softly. “He never lost faith in you.”

“Thank you.”

Kaidan sighed.

“I think part of me always believed in you, too.”

“Th-thank you.” I couldn’t meet Kaidan’s gaze. “I’m pretty sure the two of you had more faith in me than I had in myself.” I couldn’t hold it in anymore, especially when Kaidan’s hand reached across and took mine. “I lost everything when I lost you, Kaidan—“

“Wait!” Kaidan’s hand slipped from mine and he pointed out the windshield. There was Jacob Taylor walking up the sidewalk toward his apartment steps. He was arm in arm with Miranda Lawson.

“Should we—“ But I didn’t get to finish my thought before two shady men appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. They wrenched Jacob away from Miranda, one man holding her back and the other socking Jacob across the jaw and kicking him to the ground. Miranda screamed.

Kaidan was halfway out of the car before I had reached for the door handle. Then we were running up the sidewalk, Kaidan heading for Miranda, me for the man assaulting Jacob.

The man was kneeling over Jacob’s prone form, pummeling him. I got a running start and tackled him off. But the man was too quick for me, quickly reversing the situation and pummeling me instead. Kaidan had the other guy from behind, pulling his jacket up over his head before kneeing him in the sternum.

A moment later Kaidan appeared above me, hauling the man off and pitching him to the curb. He reached down to take my hand and pull me up, there was a snarl on his face, and I hadn’t seen Kaidan in a fight in a long time. I shouldn’t have been thinking like that in the middle of a fight, myself, but I couldn’t help it. I managed to grab Kaidan by the shoulders, pull him to one side just as a man came barreling in to tackle him down.

“Enough!” Miranda shouted. She was on one knee above where Jacob was slowly sitting up, she had an elegant revolver pointed in our direction. The two goons backed away slowly and Miranda raised her pistol. One shook the dust off his jacket, growling at Miranda as he got in his car. They took off without another word.

By the time I turned back to Miranda, the revolver had disappeared and she was helping Jacob sit up, wiping at his bloody nose with a handkerchief.

“What the hell was that about?” Kaidan demanded, inspecting the scuffs on his palms, his swelling knuckles.

“Were you tailing me again, Shepard?” Miranda snarled at me. Her handkerchief was already turning red, but Jacob was trying to wave her back, wincing as he stood up. It was the first good look I’d gotten at Jacob, broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, the muscle evident even under blood stained shirt. I got the feeling that if he hadn’t been jumped, Jacob would’ve been more than capable of fighting off the two assailants.

“Here for him, actually,” I nodded to Jacob, who was reeling on his feet. “And good timing, too.”

“Who were those men?” Kaidan asked

“I didn’t recognize them,” Miranda daubed at Jacob’s nose. “I don’t think they’re my father’s men.”

“But which father?” I asked. That made her sit bolt upright. She sneered.

“Neither.”

“Seems a pretty convenient little assault, maybe your cover’s blown, Miranda.”

“What ‘cover’? You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Then it’s time to start talking,” Kaidan said, taking a step forward. “Jacob, who do you work for?”

“The Reapers?” I supplied, “Cerberus?”

“I work for Miranda!” He sputtered, white teeth etched in red blood.

“I’m supposed to report back to the Illusive Man any day now, and I have  a feeling if he knew some of the places I’ve seen you, he’d have a thing or two to say. Now listen, I’ve kept a lot of this under wraps because I don’t like telling a story in pieces.” I drew a cigarette from my jacket pocket and lit it with a  match. Jacob stared daggers at me. “So let’s start simple. It was you I was chasing out of the Collector Club the other night wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“Why’d you run?”

“You were talking to Aria about me. Thought my cover was blown. Didn’t know that you were working for the Illusive Man, but anybody who found out I was playing both sides was bound to end up in the river, like your friend.”

“Did he figure you out? Did you kill him?”

“No!” Miranda answered for him, “He found out Henry Judge—“

“—your father,” Kaidan interjected. Miranda grimaced, the expression unfamiliar to her normally placid face.

“Henry Lawson was getting ready to sell the Collector Club to the Reapers. He asked Lawson about it. That was it for him.”

“We were supposed to be tailing you,” Kaidan said. “Suddenly, his long lost daughter comes out of nowhere. Needs to know who she really is, what she might be hiding. Anderson figured out something bigger was going on.”

“But why is the Collector Club so important? Reapers want it, Cerberus wants it. It’s always been neutral ground.”

“Not as profitable to be neutral, anymore.” Miranda stood up, drawing her fur around her shoulders against the chill of the mist that had begun to creep down the street.

“The model of the city in the Illusive Man’s office,” I pressed. “He’s got plans for the Collector Club, too. Does he know the Henry Lawson’s been playing him against the Reapers?”

“My father wants the Collector Club because of what’s in the basement.” Miranda’s eyes were flashing. “There’s pneumatic tubes connecting it to practically everywhere in the city. Untraceable, almost instantaneous orders delivered anywhere in the city.”

“But how could the Illusive Man take over the Collector Club? If Lawson is selling it to the Reapers…”

Miranda rolled her eyes.

“The Reapers may have a wider grasp, but they don’t have a tighter hold. My father has a sterling reputation with half the city’s officials and dirt on the other half. Once he has his way, they’ll seize the whole neighborhood under eminent domain—turn the Collector Club into a public works installation, giving Cerberus full access to a city-wide communication system right under the city’s nose.”

“And what’s your part in this?” Kaidan growled.

“I don’t have a part in it!” She hissed, taking Jacob’s arm. “I… I have a sister. Oriana Lawson. She still lives with… with that monster, Henry Lawson. I needed to get close enough where I could get to her, take her with me when Jacob and I leave the city.”

“You’re trying to rescue your sister?” Kaidan asked, incredulous. Miranda nodded.

“And thanks to you interfering, Shepard,” she spat my name, “I’ve had to move up my time-table.” The gun appeared in her hand again. “Now, get out of here.”

I knew she wouldn’t fire, and probably so did Kaidan, but we were good enough detectives to know it was time to leave already.

++

Kaidan’s apartment was as spotless as his desk. I felt out of place, knowing that this or that tidy corner used to be stacked with my clothes or my towel. The sink was free of the clutter I used to leave in it when I was in this apartment often.

Kaidan sighed, hung his hat and jacket on the coat rack, slipped off his shoes, and made for the kitchen table. He looked up at me as he tugged the knot out of his tie.

“Well, you coming in?” I hadn’t left the mat inside the door since stepping in.

“Oh, yeah,” I hung my hat next to Kaidan’s. Hung my coat next to Kaidan’s. Like we used to, our hats always side by side when they weren’t on our heads.

“You’ve got that look in your eye,” Kaidan walked into the kitchen and started making some coffee. “You thinking about the case?”

“Hm? No. Just thinking about… the mess I used to make of this place.”

Kaidan chuckled, a deep, throaty sound that always made me weak.

“You want any coffee?”

The whole apartment smelled like Kaidan, smelled like nights spent lying awake together, mornings making breakfast for each other.

“Nah, I should, erm. Someone told me I should sleep more.” I smiled and Kaidan smiled back. He took the pot off the stove top and switched it off.

“Me too, I guess.”

I was still walking around the house like a wraith through an old life. It was odd to be in such a familiar place and yet feel so out of place. I had wandered over to the bedroom.

The bed was well made. I couldn’t tell which was my favorite pillow anymore.

Kaidan touch my shoulders, hugged me back into his body. When I turned around, he was wearing only his slacks, undershirt, and suspenders.

“You staying the night?” It was barely a whisper.

“C-can I?”

“Yeah,” he un-knotted my tie and started unbuttoning my shirt. “You can.” I ran my hands up his bare arms to the shoulder, then let my fingers run down the front of his body along his suspenders. He slid my shirt off and leaned into me. I tipped my head and met him in a kiss. It was sweet, without the heat of need of the last time we were together, and for a moment, it felt like we had never been apart. “Come sit on the bed with me.”

He switched off the light and led me to the bed. When I sat, I sank into that familiar, lumpy divot I remembered. Kaidan laid back on the bedspread and for a moment I just watched him in the slanting light of the window. He pulled me down, gently, and I scooted in closer till I could lay my head on his chest.

To feel him breathing again, to hear his heartbeat…

“Who were those men tonight, d’you think?” He asked sleepily. “Jacob didn’t seem to know them. And if either side had figured him out, he’d get a lot worse than a two-man brute squad.”

“Tell me why we called it off, Kaidan.” I couldn’t pay attention to anything he was saying, the feel of his body beneath me taking all my attention, the crack in the ceiling above the bed driving back every splinter of nostalgia.

“You know why we called it off,” he answered after a long moment.

“I do, yeah. But I think I need to hear you say it.”

“…we broke up because you started looking for meaning in life at the bottom of a bottle.” He said it so softly. “I told you I’d follow you anywhere, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t hold you in my arms as you drank yourself to death. I did follow you, Shepard. When you needed it most, I was there. So was Anderson. But you just pushed and pushed.”

“Yeah, I did.” I took a deep breath. “I’m not pushing anymore.”

“Can you even promise me you wouldn’t go back to that dark place again?” Kaidan sighed heavily, he was talking to himself as much to me. “Could I even believe you if you promised me that?”

“I’ll never touch another drop,” I rushed to say. “If that’s what it takes to have you back… to be back in your life.”

“Dammit, it’s not just that.” But he held me closer. “You were scared of us and you didn’t want to admit it. You were scared of having someone important in your life. You’re such a damn loner, Shepard.”

“You’re right, I was scared.” I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice. “Now I’m just scared I’m going to have to live without you.”

The sounds of the street outside filled the silence. The city made sense at night, corridors of light and dark. I thought he had fallen asleep by the time Kaidan finally answered.

“You always had me,” he whispered “You just have to stay.”

“I’m staying.”

We fell asleep like that, the sounds of the street forgotten, my ear against Kaidan’s heartbeat, his soft breaths through my hair.

In the morning, there was a note slid under the door.

“Mr. Alenko, it’s time we meet to discuss our business. Meet me tonight at the Collector Club.

-          Henry Judge.”

++

With all the lights off, the Collector Club had a sepulchral air to it. Closed tonight, the tall curtains seemed more like stone than like cloth as they hung in the darkness. The glittering chandeliers, without any light to catch in their multi-faceted hanging baubles, looked like so many glass cobwebs hanging about the vaulted ceiling. The only light came from the high window, the office window that overlooked the dining floor.

Kaidan and I made our way up the stairs and knocked at the door. She only opened the door a crack, but it was enough to see that  the woman who answered looked terrified, and no more than sixteen. She had Miranda’s dark hair and dark eyes, they could have been twins, but I had never seen Miranda look so afraid.

“I’m here to see Mr. Judge,” Kaidan said.

“Y-you were supposed to be alone.” Her voice squeaked and her wide, dark eyes turned to me.

“My business partner,” Kaidan answered, “Stepping in for the partner I lost.”

“Let them in, Oriana,” Came a dark voice from inside. She stepped out of the way and we walked into the room. It was an opulent office, the thick curtain across the window actually open. The carpet was the same red plush as in the restaurant, but lit by only a desk lamp, it looked almost black. There was a huge taxidermy eagle spreading its wings behind the desk chair, it cast a sinister shadow onto the ceiling. Henry Judge stood up from his chair and came around to the front of the desk. “Mr. Alenko, thank you for agreeing to meet me here. I was sorry to hear about your partner, Mr. Anderson, was it?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Won’t you introduce me to your new partner?”

“This is Shepard,” Kaidan answered curtly.

“Excellent,” he reached out and shook my hand, his palms were cold. During all this, Oriana had floated over near the window, her posture collapsing in on itself. “Won’t you both sit down?” He gestured to two leather wingbacks under the shadow of the eagle.

“We’d prefer to stand.” Kaidan removed photographs from his jacket pocket and handed them to Henry Judge. “I’ve followed Miranda Lawson for the past few days, everywhere she’s been is in those photos—“

Judge threw the pictures onto the desk without looking at them.

“Come now, Mr. Alenko. You’ve realized she’s my daughter, by now. No need to play coy.” He put his hands behind his back and paced over to the window where Oriana was cowering. “When she re-appeared in my life last year, it was the happiest I’d been in years. My daughter, fierce, determined, intelligent,” he seemed to sneer at Oriana. “Fearless. In my life once again. We agreed the Illusive Man could never know that we’d been reunited—not until Miranda was firmly established in my business. And she is. Her mind is really something singular. Thanks to her, I’ve restructured my whole business, no more cloak and dagger, but operating in the daylight, paying off the right people and ensuring my work appeared entirely above board.”

“She does seem intelligent,” Kaidan said, watching the man with that intense gaze of his.

“The last thing, then, was to sell off the club. It was her idea to sell it to the Reapers for a tidy profit.”

A cold feeling rushed down my spine.

“Her idea, was it?”

“Yes.” Henry Judge gave a shark-like smile. “I only needed to know that she was faithful to me, and me alone. Now, thanks to you, I know my daughter keeps nothing from me.”

Suddenly, down in the dark mausoleum of the Collector Club: a light. Fire crawled up one of the club’s heavy curtains, fanned across the vaulted ceiling. Oriana shrieked. Judge turned and let out a gasp. I could just make out the shape of a man running through the restaurant, splashing a canister of gasoline across the carpet: it was Jacob Taylor.

The door flew open, and there was Miranda Lawson, brandishing her revolver. She stepped into the room and smiled at Henry Judge, who looked aghast.

“Shepard,” she said, “Seems you’re always on the scene. I wonder if it’s skill or luck?”

Judge moved fast. Grabbed Oriana by the arm, a pistol in his hand suddenly, the blunt barrel pressed into her temple, her body between him and Miranda’s pistol. Oriana screamed and froze.

“Ori!” Miranda cried.

“Miranda!” Judge hissed. “What’re you doing?”

“Taking my sister, father.”

“I promised you my empire and you betray me!” He screamed, his face turning red.

“Don’t be a fool,” she circled around her eye fixed on Judge as his was fixed on her. “I wanted your empire, and I’m taking it.”

“One more step and you’ll be cleaning your sister out of the carpet of your new office.”

Kaidan had been inching closer to Judge, trying to get behind him, when he seemed to fumble his gun, Kaidan leapt forward.

A shot rang out.

Kaidan slumped to the floor.

“Kaidan!” The cry ripped out of me before I could stop it. I made for Kaidan’s prone form, but Judge leveled his gun at me.

“Everyone stay back, nobody move!” He backed up until his back was against the window. The Collector Club was ablaze on the other side of the window, the chandeliers crashing into the flaming carpet. The curtains had turned into walls of fire. “Put your gun down, Miranda. So help me I am not going to ask you twice.” He pointed the gun back at Ori’s head.

Miranda dropped her pistol, the slightest hint of worry creeping into her icy expression. She kicked the gun away.

Kaidan groaned on the floor.

“There’s no exit strategy here, Judge.” My voice was a snarl, though my hands were raised like Miranda’s. All I could think about was getting to Kaidan, I couldn’t even tell how badly he was bleeding with the blood red carpet.

“Shut up! Let me think!”

He pressed the barrel of the gun to Oriana’s head and she shrieked at the burn on her skin, wriggled just enough to escape his grip.

Miranda shot forward. There was a shot that flew into the ceiling. She rushed into Judge, shoulder down. With a shatter of glass, Henry Judge screamed as he crashed through the window and down into the flaming club. There was a sickening thud, and then only the sound of the flames devouring the building.

I ran forward and rolled Kaidan over, he needed medical attention, and quick. Miranda spared a moment to check on Oriana before rushing to collect her pistol again, she leveled it at me.

“So much for saving your sister!” I spat.

“I am saving my sister!” Miranda cried, the blast of heat through the broken window making both of us sweat. “When this place burns to the ground, I take over Henry Lawson’s company and I keep my father from getting his hands on the Collector Club. I get out of this life of crime for good, and I take my sister with me.”

“You really think the Illusive Man will let you escape, knowing you double-crossed him?”

“He’ll never know. Jacob Taylor. Working for the Reapers. He destroyed the club.”

“Someone else to take the heat for you from both sides. Except for me. I know what really happened.”

“Now you get the picture,” she shouted over the rippling blaze. She eyed me down the barrel.

“Miranda, please don’t!” Oriana still pressed a palm to the burn against her temple, but pulled at Miranda’s arm with the other hand. “No more killing! Please, Miranda, we need to leave!” Miranda looked torn for a moment. There was a crash as the ceiling above the restaurant collapsed.

“Goodbye, Shepard.” She turned on her heel, pulling Oriana behind her. I immediately lifted Kaidan to his feet.

“Kaidan, can you hear me? Kaidan!” He groaned, but seemed to find his feet. “We’re getting you out of here, stay with me, keep your hand pressed there—“ he winced. “Press hard.”

The stairs were beginning to burn as I towed Kaidan downstairs and towards the back exit. We emerged onto the street, singed and smoking, and Kaidan collapsed.

++

I got Kaidan to the hospital in time. Barely, the doctors said.

I waited by his bedside every day. The nurses got used to me.

A few days later, a man in a prim pin-stripe suit and grey hat showed up at the hospital room and I could tell from the lump under his arm he was carrying. I knew what it meant, it was time to make my final report to the Illusive Man.

++

“She set fire to the club, then she took her sister and left,” I finished my story as the Illusive Man watched me from between steepled fingers. He was quiet for a long moment.

“My daughter,” he cleared his throat, “Has been hustling Henry Judge for a year to take over his empire. And you’re saying she sabotaged me in the process.”

I shrugged, removed the cigarette from between my lips.

“I’m not saying anything other than what happened, than what she said. You’re paying me to do a job. I did the job.”

“You certainly did, Shepard. You certainly did.” He eased back into his chair. “My daughter, right under my nose… good for her.” He snapped his fingers and one of his goons brought him a cigarette. Come to think of it, it was the first time I’d seen him without one. “I’m sad to see her go.”

“You want us to track her down, boss?” One of the men leaning against a bookcase asked.

“Hm? Oh. No. She’ll make herself known at some point. I’m proud of her. Losing the Collector Club is a major blow, there’s no way around that. But it’s as much a blow for the Reapers. Can hardly blame her. I stirred the pot, after all.”

“So much for not mixing your business and your family life.” I tried to make the words burn, but the Illusive Man didn’t take it.

“We’re both men who like things in ordered categories, aren’t we, Shepard? It does grieve me on some level that my daughter decided to get into the family business. But we all must learn to appreciate the space between spaces, mustn’t we? You know the city’s not so simple as having ‘good’ people and ‘bad’ people—you of all people. What Miranda did hurt me, but I admire her tenacity, and I dare say you admire her motives.”

“I think there are people who are truly, just good. And I know I’m not one of them, but I believe they exist.”

“A romantic, eh Shepard?”

“I suppose so.”

“Looks like I chose the right man for the job, then!” He crowed.

“I’m not an idiot,” I said, finally. “I know why it was me you hired and not someone else. Shepard the drunk, you knew Miranda would catch me tailing her. Knew it’d speed up her plans. You wanted to rattle her, force her hand. You used me.”

The Illusive Man smiled broadly

“How long before you figured that out?”

“I suppose part of me knew from the start.”

“And I certainly got my money’s worth out of you Shepard. Didn’t expect you to see it through all the way to the end like this, though. Should I attribute that to your sudden sobriety? Or perhaps a certain partnership?” I didn’t answer and the Illusive Man chuckled. “I’m not Henry Lawson, Shepard. Here, I have your fee, as promised. With a little something extra.”

Being paid to be a tool, but my pride wasn’t too great to not accept the money.

++

I paid my tab at the Normandy.

Paying my tab at Omega turned out to be a more involved activity. Mr. Gorgeous came to meet me at the bar and led me over into After Life and up to Aria’s couch.

 “Shepard,” Aria gestured for me to sit and had Mr. Gorgeous bring me a cigarette and a light. “Benny tells me you paid off your entire tab. Does this mean I shouldn’t expect your sorry ass at my bar anymore?”

“Turning over a new leaf. Got a new reason. And a new business partner. Time I start acting like I’m here to stay.”

“Don’t you have something you want to say to me, Shepard.” Her eyes bored into me.

“Love what you’ve done with your hair?”

“’Thank you, Aria’” she mocked.

“I thought we were square-up on the favors. You gave me information, I helped you out with the—“

“Not the information, Shepard.” She shifted in her seat, her posture still a practiced disinterest. “Who do you think attacked Jacob Taylor that night outside his apartment.”

“I had been wondering about that. Your boys?”

She nodded firmly.

“Your subtle approach wasn’t getting you anywhere, so I thought I’d help you out, speed the process along a little bit. Scare Miranda into talking. Based on the smoldering crater where the Collector Club used to be, looks like it worked.”

“And lucky for you, all the former clientele are looking for a new club.”

“And I’ve been able to raise my protection rates without a peep out of any of my shop owners.”

“You’re all heart.”

“Let the Reapers and Cerberus eat each other alive. I’ll be here.” With that, I stood up and headed for the door, but Aria called back to me, “Shepard, you owe me one, now.”

++

I watched the painter carefully paint in my name on the glass of the door:

ALLIANCE PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS KAIDAN ALENKO * JOHN SHEPARD

I never thought I would see my name back on that door, side by side with Kaidan. We’d gone together to Anderson’s grave, left a wreath. Part of me still couldn’t believe he was gone, that my name would be replacing his on the door of the business we all started together. But it was hard for me to believe a lot of things, these days. Kaidan was out of the hospital and back in my arms.

One day, a sum of money had arrived by ‘special courier’: it was the sum Anderson and Kaidan had agreed upon for tailing Miranda.

“You’ve gotta respect someone who pays for own investigation.” Kaidan chuckled, easing himself to sit on the edge of my desk. He picked up a model plane and turned it over in his hands.

“She’s a consummate business woman, that’s for sure.”

“We were lucky to get out of there alive.” He set the plane down, “You know, I don’t think I thanked you in the hospital for getting me out of there.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you there to bleed out! Or burn to death, or—“

Kaidan touched my lips.

“Just let me say ‘thank you.’”

I leaned in and kissed him and the painter gave us a scandalized look.

“I’m always going to be there for you.”

“I know.” I leaned my head on Kaidan’s shoulder.

“You make me brave, Kaidan. I want you to know that… that it’s different this time.”

“I believe you. I’ve always believed in you. I’m glad you found your way back to me.”

Outside the window, rain had begun to fall on my city. Kaidan winced as he stood up to look through the blinds. I put my arms around him, leaning my chin on his shoulder. I hated the rain, the way it muddied everything up, the light and the dark all blurring together. It was a beautiful city, it was a mean city, and it was hard to tell the two apart in the rain.

Kaidan always preferred the rain to the heartbeat of the city: the rattle of cars and clamor of crowds and the hum of the electricity. When I closed my eyes, I could hear Kaidan’s heartbeat. That was all I needed in this city.

There’s not much else to tell than that.

[unabashedhonesty]

Random Guy Following Me At 4:00 AM

Okay, so I'd probably be doing Humanity, Fate, and Karma gross injustice altogether if I didn't share this: So, I typically work twelve-hour shifts at a nightclub nearby the Las Vegas Strip. My husband and I live on the far side of the valley, up near the mountains. Since he's a cancer survivor, his energy still isn't what it used to be, so he doesn't pick me up at 3-5 a.m. from work anymore; I get Lyfts home instead. Or, if a coworker is leaving work around the same time, I'll occasionally be fortunate enough to get a ride. Anyways, one night, after a particularly torturous shift due to absolutely ZERO money flow, I was given the option of leaving early. I debated it at first -- on the one hand, I had made absolutely no tip money that night (it was AVN weekend) and I needed to at least leave with ride money so that I could get home. On the other, I was exhausted, frustrated, stressed, and just wanted to be DONE. Then one of the ladies I work with offered to give me a ride home if I left right then. I agreed and went about my clocking-out process. (We have to get a signature from three managers and changed out of our work clothes and into our street clothes before we are allowed to clock out and leave, so it takes several minutes.) I tried to hurry along so as not to keep her waiting, but she said to take my time. Good timing, too, because we had lots of feature acts performing that night and every manager was running nonstop all night, so it was hard to nab them in good time. Twenty minutes later, I return to the locker room, change, and clock out -- only to discover that my coworker had left me behind. And, now that I was clocked out, I couldn't clock back in. I could find no one else to get a ride from. I hadn't made enough that night money to pay for one. I couldn't wait until my husband was awake enough to come pick me up; the club would be long closed by then -- and I would be forced to leave anyways. I had no choice but to walk the eleven miles back to my house. At 3:30 a.m. Sunrise wasn't until after 7:00, this time of year. The walk was going to be AT LEAST three hours. So, with earbuds in, keys in my fist, and a 25-pound work duffel bag on my back, I set out to get myself home. Now, at first, I hardly spared a second thought to my "going for a walk" regimen; it's a routine I've had engrained since I was old enough to be on my own. It's almost Pavlovian, I suppose, to do certain, specific things that I normally wouldn't even think about if I were out with a companion -- yet, even as I was doing my usual 360-degree-casual-glancing-around tick to discreetly survey my surroundings, occasionally pretending to adjust the earbud that I'd purposely damaged so that I could keep one ear open at all times, it had never occurred to me before that night just how normalized the real terror women face everyday is. And nothing spelled it out clearer than when, about five or six blocks from my workplace, I noticed a man walking about 50 yards behind me. I tried to think nothing of it, but it's not a major street we're on, so there aren't many people(witnesses) around. Not that I'm paranoid, or anything. But, my mom always said "trust your gut first, your heart second," so I played it cool and casually began singing a little louder. I continued my idle glances around and noticed the guy still hadn't changed course -- and he seemed to be getting closer. I started to sing even louder and off-key, throwing in a few unflattering dance moves while I was at it -- because my entire skin is tingling with anxiety at this point. Finally, I hit an intersection. Because of the direction I was going, I needed to cross either way, so I hit both crosswalk buttons and prayed one would activate before that guy caught up with me. The guy caught up with me, so I kept up my nervous dancing around and pretended to be so engrossed in my music that I wasn't paying attention to anything around me. I readjusted my keys in my fist without really thinking about it. When at last the walk signal flashed, I started trotting as casually as I could. One of my earbuds had fallen out, so I was just putting it back when I suddenly heard a voice next to me, "So, you wear your sunglasses at night, too?" I glanced up and pretended to not really hear him, still adjusting my earbud. But, out of professional reflex from being in the food/bar service industry for so many years, I couldn't stop the, "I beg your pardon? Could you repeat that?" from leaving my mouth. But then I began to process the man now walking alongside me: His voice and tone was light, silky, and a little in the high register. His stride was long, laid back, leading with the feet -- akin to the way flamboyant men carry themselves. He was tall and appeared around his early thirties, with a full, trimmed beard. He was also sporting a pair of fabulous sunglasses that John Lennon would have been jealous of. I suddenly began to relax. Finally returning the friendly smile aimed my way, I chuckled and explained that, yes, I wear slightly tinted glasses because light gives me headaches. The next thing I know, I'm wrapped up in a surprisingly pleasant conversation with a random stranger as if we'd been lifelong friends. Then, he catches me off guard by eventually saying, "You know, when I saw you walking earlier, and you kept turning around, I was thinking, 'Oh, my god, this girl is probably so terrified right now. How do I make myself not-scary?'" Now, he laughed to dispel the tension -- and I laughed as well -- but then we began discussing the very real danger we were both so acutely aware of that we had to politely laugh about it. Let me say that again: THE VERY REAL DANGER WE WERE BOTH SO ACUTELY AWARE OF THAT WE HAD TO POLITELY LAUGH ABOUT IT. Then, suddenly, we were sharing horror stories about getting jumped, assaulted, and/or attacked on the street -- about how we got away by shear guts, ingenuity, and luck. I told him about the pocket knife I'd lost years ago, when my car had broke down and I had to walk to the nearest gas station and was jumped by a man who wanted a quickie instead of a "no." I'd had my left hand in my pocket. When he grabbed me in a bearhug and started to pick me up, I produced the knife and proceeded to slam it into the man's kneecap before running as fast as I could. (Oh, and this was in broad daylight, on the side of a busy highway at 9:00 in the morning, by the way. Guess how many people pulled over to help me...???) This young man seemed fascinated -- but not surprised -- when I told him my routine every time before I go outside. Even as I explained it to him, it began to truly dawn on me the amount of wrongness about the whole thing. This young man acknowledged how frightening that must be; that, yes, even he's had to deal with harassment before, but never to the extreme that women do. He also commented on how he can't imagine living with that constant worry, always having to suspect everyone just to be sure. I couldn't express to him enough how breathtaking it is to finally talk to someone who GETS IT. I didn't have to break it down into simple terms and examples to explain just HOW different the everyday world is for different individuals. I nearly wept with relief that -- FINALLY -- I met somebody who actually understood. This young man ended up keeping me company until we reached his neighborhood. He apologized for having to leave me, but we said our farewells and he wished me a safe remainder of my journey. I thanked him once again and I continued on. Out of instinct and habit, I was still aware of his presence until I was out of range. Before that happened, however, I noticed him answer his phone as he was walking away. I faintly heard his voice as he answered it. It was not quite the same voice with which he spoke to me; it had become a bit flatter than the tenor he'd used earlier. I glanced through the bars bordering his neighborhood as he walked towards wherever he was headed. His stride had changed; it wasn't airy and flamboyant anymore, but wide and a little heavy. The only words I caught before I lost sight of him was, "No, I'll be right there. I just had to..." A lot if things clicked into place as I finished the final two hours of my walk: 1) Yes, I had been initially wary of the strange man who had been walking in my direction. 2) I immediately acted on those feelings in a way that I hoped would deter him from me and/or draw attention to myself from other people -- JUST because he was walking near me. 3) I immediately relaxed when I took note of specific characteristics this man exhibited -- which I later realized I subconsciously filed under NON-THREATENING. 4) This young man opted to keep me company the rest of his way home so that I wouldn't have to walk alone -- without ever bringing attention to that. 5) Never once did he ask me any personal questions nor did he ever comment on my appearance. 6) Although I was harassed/followed by three other people that night, none of them came about until that young man was no longer at my side. And last, but not least..... 7) That young man consciously acknowledged the reality of my situation, took it upon himself to safely see me as far as he could, and purposely altered his demeanor and behavior to put me at ease to do so. Yes, I relied heavily on stereotyping -- both as a preliminary for my own safety as well as a guide for how to asses and handle my circumstance. But that's what it took in order for me to be safe and for a kind stranger to help me feel safe while he provided a buffer. Everyone, what bothers you about this entire picture? How many things about it bother you? Worse yet, how many can relate with this story? I just want to give a shout out to this gentleman who was a personal hero to me this day. You've restored a bit of my faith in humanity. You've shown me that there are people out there who hear our cries and see our struggle -- whatever they may be. You've proven people can understand and be conscientious of others. You've reminded me that there truly are good and decent people who do the right or considerate thing just because that's what they do. I hereby dub thee Sir Real-Man. Thank you for your kindness and empathy.

[toxic-lucky]

Can i just ask for family fluff with the first character that comes to ur mind rn?

Did I hear,,,,,, proposal?!?!?!

Below the cut because this is three pages long-

“Kate!” Vincent yelled, picking up the youngest of the Ambers who was currently trying to catch a butterfly and nearly fell into a rose bush.

Ace chuckled at his dad’s worried boyfriend, full well knowing that the rose bush would let Kate pass and not hurt her.

“She’s fine Vince! L-Let her down!” Ace yelled from the table where he was slowly drinking his energy drink- Rockstar. Kate kicked around in in the older man’s arms. Vincent just gave Ace a confused look but put her down anyways and let the little 7 year old run about again in the park with the dog- Bambi, an English Mastiff- that barked and chased her.

Zane grumbled something incomprehensible, sounding like ‘this is bullshit’ from where he sat opposite of Ace.

“Oh shush you,” Ace poked Zane’s forehead earning him a slap on the hand, “dad needs us to k-keep him bu-usy while he’s out with Amelia preparing everything.”

“Doesn’t make any of this less stupid,” Zane huffed, “why make such a big deal?”

Ace slapped Zane’s arm lightly, “Zane!”

“I’m just spitting facts.” Zane defended.

“Your sp-p-pitting us unwanted.” Ace grumbled as Zane flipped him off. Ace was about to continue but Vincent woke up so he shot a 'be quiet’ look at Zane who merely rolled his eyes.

“How do none of you sleep yet have so much energy?” Vincent huffed, sitting down as Kate and Bambi continued to run around.

Ace just raised his energy drink as if to give a cheers, “it’s a family secret.”

“You lot have too many of those.” Vincent chuckled.

Ace shrugged as Zane became much more focused on his phone.

“Dad wants us back home.” Zane announced, turning off the screen before looking up at the two.

“This early? I thought he would still be at work?” Vincent hummed, standing up anyways, “I’ll drive you all back, I need to pick Kia up from a friend’s house and it’s on the way.”

“Please?” Ace smiled at Vincent, “I know Dad’ll be ha-appy to see you.”

“I’d hope he be.” Vincent smiled back as Zane got up and whistled, gaining the attention from both the dog and his little sister.

“Home time!” Zane snapped, motioning for the both of them to come over. Bambi was quick to start bounding over but Kate huffed and just sat down on the grass, refusing.

“I’ll get h-her,” Ace sighed, “just give me a minute, I’ll meet you two by the car?”

Vincent and Zane nod, heading off. Ace silently hoped Zane wouldn’t let anything slip.

“Kate, it’s time to go home…” Ace crouched by the girl who just crossed her arms and huffed louder.

“Come on, you’ll get to see Kia and Dad.”

“I don’t wanna go home.” Kate mumbled.

“Why not?” Ace asked.

“'Cause Dad’s gunna propose and then forget about us and get a new family.” Kate confessed, causing Ace to shake his head, just a little bit amused and boggled at how children’s minds worked.

“Tha-at’s not how proposals work…” Ace reassured, “Vincent is a nice dude, and Dad really loves him. That doesn’t mean that D-Dad doesn’t love you too, it’s just a different kind of love.”

Kate merely puffed out her cheeks in response.

“If you want, I can talk to Dad for you,” Ace offered, “I c-can tell him how you feel if you don’t want to tell hi-im yourself.”

“…Fine.” Kate mumbled, standing up, “you better not be wrong.”

“When am I wrong?” Ace asked, grabbing Kate’s hand and leading her to the car.

“When you try to help me with my geography homework.” Kate responded without missing a beat, “and when you said the cookies had to be baked for 20 minutes instead of 10, and-”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Ace chuckled, “I am wrong a lot, but not on this. People I understand, distance? Not so much.”

Kate nodded, squeezing her brother’s hand. They walked together in silence before a car honked its horn at them, and Ace glanced over at Vincent and Zane- who was sitting shotgun.

“Come on, hop in.” Vincent smiled at the duo, who did as told.

“Traitor.” Ace huffed as he passed Zane.

“First come, first serve.” Zane rolled his eyes in response.

The car ride was silent otherwise, occasionally filled with the old 70’s music Vincent played and Kate laughing happily whenever Bambi did something- most of that was trying to climb up to sit on Ace’s lap before barking in his face. They stopped at Kia’s friend’s house to pick her up, though the Ambers remained in the car and let Vincent deal with his 5 year old daughter and her friends. Once Kia was buckled into the car, they continued, but this time Kia and Kate started talking about Winx club, and other kids shows but it was mostly Winx club.

Once the group pulled into the driveway, Ace was quick to get out of the car and help the younger kids out.

“You know we’re just staying for a minute, right? Why are you so excited?” Vincent asked Ace who shrugged.

“Maybe I just want to go take a nap.”

Vincent just nodded at that information as they all entered the house. Well, not all. Amelia came out of the house a bit rushed and tried to slow down Vincent from entering. Ace and Zane, who knew 100% of what was going on and the plan, remained unbothered and lead the tiny kids inside and into the family room to watch the show they’ve been talking about the entire ride to give the adults some space.

Pine was sitting nervously on the stairs when Zane came back to the front, and gave his Dad a reassuring smile.

“What’s taking Vince so long?” Pine asked quietly, the nerves were obvious in his voice.

“Amelia thought you needed some time to… mentally prepare yourself,” Zane shrugged, “she’s talking to him about cars.”

“Ah…” Pine nodded, fidgeting with his sleeves.

“Chill Dad, it’s just Vince, you two have been dating for like, 3 years now.” He attempted to reassure, though it didn’t seem to calm the tired adult. Zane patted his Dad’s arm before leaving the room, hearing Amelia and Vincent still chatting as they came to the front door.

“I believe you two have something to discuss…” Amelia trails off as she closed the front door, smiling at the two men before also leaving them. In an instant, Pine was standing and finding himself at a loss of words.

“Oh… is something the matter?” Vincent asked, looking at his boyfriend with worry.

“No- no, everything is great- it’s wonderful,” Pine shook his head, “I just-”

“…Just?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, and I love you too.” Vincent nods, giving him a more confused look.

Pine smiled, a bit of pink tinting his cheeks, “let me speak.”

Vincent only nodded, yet to notice Pine’s hands behind his back.

“I love you more than I thought I could- more than I though I ever would love someone. Whenever I get the chance to see you, I feel like I’m suffering from cardiac arrest-”

“I don’t think that’s healthy…” Vincent chuckled.

“Chut,” Pine hushed, “you know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Vincent raised an eyebrow, causing Pine to puff out his cheeks in annoyance. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, continue, go on.”

“Thank you,” Pine sighed, glancing literally everywhere but Vincent, “I would do anything for you, and I know it’s hard sometimes to find some time to sit down and take a breather because our lives are hectic, which is why I’m stopping myself from going on and on for ten hours-”

“Ten hours?” Vincent mumbled.

“About everything about you that I fell in love with, and other cheesy things because I don’t want to embarrass you…” Pine paused, taking the small box he was hiding behind his back and kneeling down.

“Pine…” Vincent mumbled, tearing up as a smile started to grow on his face.

“But I figured I can save all that for a wedding,” Pine opened the box, revealing a sapphire cut into a heart on a silver band that looked like a wreathe. “Vincent Greens, I love you more an anything in the world, I am so lucky I have met you and that you’re in my life. Will you make me the happiest man in the universe and let me have the honour of calling you my husband?”

At this point, Vincent was crying, trying to cover both his smile and his tears as he started laughing. “Pine… Pine, honey, I love you so much, of course I’ll marry you… But I thought I was going to propose first…”

At that, Pine was now the one that was confused, as Vincent dug into his jacket pocket and held a ring box. Now both adults were laughing, grinning like idiots, as Pine pressed soft kisses on Vincent’s face as they both put on the rings.

“I guess you’re my ex-boyfriend now…?” Pine mumbled, leaning against Vincent who chuckled with a sigh.

“We were having a moment, honey. You hit it with a sledgehammer.”

Pine just laughed, hugging Vincent tightly.

“I love you so much…”

[iheartseo]

MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND WHAT I FOUND HELPFUL !!! KTHNXS ✨

hello honey! I just finished my first year at my new uni doing my new degree and I am honestly so happy about the results I am currently getting compared to what I was getting last year. so I decided to write this little post in order to help those who are going into their first year of university/college or those who just wanna change their mindset.

just a very quick story time: last year was my first REAL year at a university and being fresh outta high school, I was extremely excited about studying the subjects I wanted to study and ready to make new friends etc. etc. However, I realised right after semester 1, that I was in way over my head and it most definitely did NOT help that my dumbass was in a horrible mindset and was not mentally mature for university and the social life of university. Due to this, as well as my quick declining interest and motivation to study, I pretty much bombed out and failed my entire first year of university. And when I said I failed my first year, I’m talking I completely failed and I knew I had failed by semester 2 and so I decided not to do my semester 2 final exams cause what’s the point?

that mindset honestly, was one of the worst I have ever been and my anxiety honestly has never been so high and I would not relive those moments ever again. so here are 10 tips and some advice on how to survive your first year of university/college and hopefully you guys will have a better 1st year experience than I did. ♡

TIP #1: GROW OUT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL MENTALITY (it will be an ongoing journey even past your first year of uni tbh)

not gonna lie, the second you tell someone that you are 18 years old and that you are in university, everyone suddenly expects you to be an adult and have your shit together and to have suddenly matured out of your high school mentality and that your break between your high school graduation and your first few months at university, you are expected to have mentally matured by like 20 years or some shit. yes, it is strongly advised that you get out of your high school mentality and yes it is strongly advised that you have to grow the fuck up once you get into university.

however, you should not force yourself to grow up. university will most definitely throw things your way that will completely change and shape the person you will just eventually grow to be. 

TIP #2: ACTUALLY GO AND ATTEND YOUR UNIS/COLLEGES OPEN DAYS OR INFORMATION DAYS. JUST VISIT YOUR DAMN SCHOOLS.

my ACTUAL first year of uni, I was accepted into one of Australia’s top universities on a scholarship for a double degree course. So you can imagine the amount of pressure and hard work that was needed to be put in for me to even stay at this school. When I got accepted, it wasn’t like I didn’t know that it was going to be hard. But I personally never expected for it to be as hard as it was on me both academically and socially.

At first, I liked my course, but I am personally one of those people who thrive off of whatever environment that I am put into so if I am placed into a uni where the environment is highly toxic and almost everyone is a harsh competing rival, I won’t put in the effort. But if I am in an environment that is much more relaxed and opened, but is still willing to push me to work harder, I will actually try. But some people are able to work in incredibly harsh and competitive environments and are able to handle snobby people, I personally couldn’t at my first university which is why I transferred to the uni I am currently attending.

ABSOLUTELY NO HATE OR SHADE TO MY FIRST UNIVERSITY. IT IS TRULY A GREAT UNI. My sister went to my first uni and she absolutely loved it, but everyone has a different uni experience and sadly, I didn’t enjoy it. So I most definitely recommend researching about the schools you are thinking about attending and it would really benefit you if you personally went to visit the school yourself. If you can see yourself being happy there, if you can see yourself enjoying the environment, if you can genuinely say you like the school, go to that school. Because there is honestly no point on attending a university just for the name and the title and you don’t even like going the damn library that is on campus. 

TIP #3: TRY AND STUDY SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY LIKE

this tip is very hard and I honestly shouldn’t be saying it? But like hear me out. My belief is that if you are studying something you genuinely enjoy, you will actually study for it. Or at least that mentality definitely applies to me. I was studying a Bachelor of Science and a Bachelor of Arts together last year. My majors were Psychology and Economics. AS MUCH AS I LOVED PSYCH, STUDYING ECONOMICS WAS A BITCH.

I personally fucken hated studying Economics and with that, I also had to study Maths as a subject under my science degree, which I also personally hated. No matter how much I tried and listened in my lectures, I could honestly never get the material and it was so disheartening to me that I couldn’t understand. Granted, I was dumb and didn’t check my classes (which I will discuss in my next tip), and I knew that university classes were going to be 100 times harder than the shit I got in high school, but that didn’t escape the fact that it was so disheartening that I wasn’t able to understand the material.

That lead me to slowly and simply not caring about what it was that I was studying and learning. I didn’t care anymore about my degree. I was so unhappy with what I was studying that I would spend more time going out and partying than actually trying to get even a Pass. Nothing wrong with having fun, but I prioritized partying over studying, which is not good.

Now I am doing an Education degree and I am so much happier! I genuinely like studying what I am studying. I even actively listen to my lectures online and take notes as if I was physically attending the lecture myself (and most students don’t even bother listening to online lectures). I even stay back after all of my classes are done to catch up with anything I have missed or get ahead of my classes. I seriously like what I am studying. Sure, I lose motivation from time to time, but I am studying way more now than I did a year ago.

BUT REMEMBER. IT IS OKAY NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO STUDY. THERE ARE KIDS IN THEIR 4TH YEAR WHO STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO STUDY. Finding something that genuinely makes you happy and makes you want to work hard for it is hard to find, but it is so worth it once you do. So be smart with what you pick and choose.

TIP #4: CHECK UP AND RESEARCH ABOUT YOUR CLASSES

If you are lucky enough to pick and choose your individual classes, please for the love of god, research about them! look up your classes! read your damn unit guide! do not pick a class cause it sounds cool and fuck yourself over by not reading the prerequisites or not reading the amount of assignments related to that class.

I was dumb and did not read up on my classes nor did I research about them fully my first year. I honestly just read their mini blurb and went off my merry way which fucked me over so bad because I did not personally understand the actual contents of each one of my classes. 

literally find your class unit guide or class information online, look into what assignments have been done in the past, what kind of weightings they each have and read the stuff that you are suppose to learn even if you just get a simple Pass in the class. the more you look into a class, the better understanding you will get of what that class actually provides.

also, majority of the time, you can see what textbooks are needed so you can grab them off before the semester even properly starts. 

just as a little side tip

TIP #4.5: If you can literally pick and choose what your time table looks like, DO NOT FUCKEN GIVE YOURSELF 3-4 HOUR BREAKS BETWEEN YOUR CLASSES. You are lying to yourself when you say that you are going to be studying in those long ass breaks, like shut up. no. don’t do that to yourself.

TIP #5: DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS (if possible)

for the love of god, DO. NOT. BUY. YOUR. “MANDATORY”. TEXTBOOKS. it is a waste of money. you are blowing $200 minimum for a damn paper weight. I am not even kidding. I never have purchased a textbook and I never will unless that textbook is nowhere else to be found.

Be smart about your textbooks. If you are able to find a copy of your textbook in the library, BORROW THAT SHIT IMMEDIATELY. my university lets us borrow copies of books for like 16 weeks at a time and my semesters last for at least 13, so it is enough to class me throughout all of class. your universities should have multiple copies of whatever textbook that you need for class. even if the library copy is a few editions older, it does not matter, the content is still the same. It is not worth forking out $200-$500 for a couple of extra pages.

If you can’t borrow a copy from the library, try and find it online. There are some generous people out there who have uploaded a free full copy of the book somewhere. If you can’t find it online, borrow a friends copy and photocopy that shit like crazy. You might end up paying like $50 worth of paper but 50 is better than 200.

AND IF YOU SERIOUSLY CANT DO THAT, go onto slugbooks.com to get your textbooks. I personally haven’t used that website myself, but I hear it’s pretty fucken good to get textbooks.

TIP #6: JOIN A CLUB/SOCIETY/FRAT/SORORITY ETC.

for your first year of uni/college, just join something. there is deadset something for everyone. you do not need to join greek life if you personally do not want to. i didn’t join greek life cause australia doesn’t really have that kind of shit.

if you like debating, there is a debating club. if you like drama, 10000% there is a drama club. if you are a strong LGBTQ+ ally or are apart of that group and you wanna meet queer people, 1000000000000% there is a club for that. i’m not even kidding you, at my first university there was a damn memes society and a quidditch society. you will most definitely find something that will interest you.

if you aren’t a big fan of clubs, that is fine. i just would personally recommend joining one so you can make friends more easily and it’s sort of like a little bit away from your studies. it’s something fun for you to enjoy and you get to meet some incredible people along the way. I am apart of VSA (Vietnamese Student Association) and I have done SOOO many things all the way to modelling, charity events, partying and planning out major events etc. all whilst meeting some new people and creating friendships.

TIP #7: LEARN WHAT TO PRIORITISE

I feel like this should be a no brainer but it is important. It is okay to have fun whilst you are at uni but it is not good nor is it smart to throw away a perfectly good education that you are paying hundreds and thousands of dollars for.

if you have a party on Saturday and an essay due on Sunday, do not go to the party. I know that there is some people who pull all nighters to finish off an assignment or to study for an exam, I am extremely guilty of that. However, that does not mean I will sacrifice one extra day of studying for a party.

this is where you have to be an adult and understand how you, yourself study the best and how you retain information the best and if you need an extra couple of days, skip out on some parties and reschedule those lunch dates and dinner dates. your friends will understand and will not judge you for wanting to studying. if your friends do judge you for wanting an education, then you should drop them.

TIP #8: LEARN TO REFERENCE

I cannot stress how important referencing is in university. That shit is an absolute fucken bitch and it does not help that there are like 5 different styles or some shit. But it is important that you learn how to reference correctly because you will lose marks for not doing it correctly and some professors/tutors are just straight assholes and will deduct like 10 marks cause you aren’t using the correct referencing style for the class.

in my experience, for first year anyway, they will teach you how to reference in your tutorials so you get the general gist of what to do and how to do it. I learnt how to reference in APA format in high school, so I am fine, but I know not alot of people learn it that early and first hear about referencing once they get to uni. so learning to reference is a big thing. a lot of my tutors recommended me installing EndNote which does the referencing for you. I personally just let Word do it for me. If you go into your Word and find ‘Document Elements’ (for Mac),  click on ‘Manage’ in the References section and a citations list will pop up. Click on the plus sign in the bottom left hand corner and just literally fill out the form and you are done.

OR IF YOU ARE A WINDOWS USER, just go to the ‘References’ tab and click ‘Insert Citation’ and then click ‘Add New Source’ then fill out the form. Then you are literally done. You basically have corrected did in-text citations within your essay along to whatever format is needed. *The only shitty thing about this method is that it will only automatically do in-text citations, not footnoting. Footnoting you will have to insert manually yourself*

After you finished with all of your citations, just click on ‘Bibliography’ and put in in as ‘Works Cited’ and literally your ENTIRE reference list will be organised into alphabetical order for you.

TIP #9: GET A CALENDAR OR DIARY

whether that shit is digital or physical, start using one. it is honestly so helpful to know when you have got assignments and exams coming up and you can kinda start planning out when is a good time to start researching or studying etc. etc.

it seems like such a small thing, but it works so well. I personally just use the iPhone calendars app and make sure it reminds me at least like a week or 2 ahead of the actual due date so I know that it’s coming up.

i also highly recommend that once you read your unit guide/class information sheet, that you write down ALL of your assignments, when they are due and how much do they weigh into your calendar/diary. because then you have no excuse to say that you never knew about it and yet you wrote it down. it also just helps you to be productive and work around/add in other dates like outings with friends into your schedule. 

TIP #10: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL

I feel like there is such an extremely high expectation to pass every single one of your class with amazing grades and graduate with like a 4.0 GPA, like for some reason that is the standard that is expected out of every uni/college student, even those attending a really shitty uni is somehow expected to be blitzing through every single one your your classes, but the truth is, you will probably fail a class and that’s okay.

trust me when i say, it is okay to fail a class. i’m not saying that you SHOULD fail a class, but if you do, it’s not the end of the world. even though I failed so many classes last year, my first university was still willing to keep me enrolled and even offered some help. staying in university/college is sort of like baseball, very simple; 3 strikes and you’re out, but even then, they will still offer you services to help you study better or if you are struggling at home or you have your own mental issues that affect your studies, there are services at university/college that will help you and it’s for free.

i cannot stress how important it is to let your university/college know that if you suffer from any sort of mental illness, have a rough background, do not have the resources to study etc. etc., that you should let them know because they can help you.

that is all of the tips and advice that i can think off at the moment. i hope this helped at least one person. if i can think of anything else/more, i’ll be sure to update this post and add it on. or if i am brave enough, maybe just do a full blown youtube video? we will see on that. BUT UNTIL THEN. I HOPE THIS HELPS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR FIRST YEAR AT UNI OR THE REST OF YOUR YEAR AT UNI IN GENERAL !!